Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Crystal, Mom went through 3 sets of clothes today. The first time she Sh!! her pants, she put her hands in it and had it under her fingernails and on her clothes. The second time, just a mess in her pants. The third time, she got supper on her clothes. The water bill has been running close to 4300 every time! It's from all the laundry and food stains.I need to take an old towel and make her a BIG bib like the ones they use in nursing homes. Never a dull moment!
I am so sorry what all of you are going through this is the first holiday in so many years I have not cried the whole time because I have my son and grand-daughter in the house went to church and our church group are so special our pastor's baby was baptised today and we had lunch after and was going to do work outside even though we are not suppose to do work on Sun and decided tomarrow will be fine to do it so just relaxed after it is getting close to a year since he died but I usually spent holidays home he did not enjoy my visits any way-I feel for all of you who are still working so hard to make those you care for happy and cared for and I bless you all-I usually go to the post offices and thank the vets and ask where they served but did not this year my father was in ww2 and would never talk about the war.
HEY, I could write a book! My husband has rubbed his own feces all over my kitchen cupboards, has frequently pooped in the shower, and often poops his bed. His newest habit is keeping his right hand on his crotch constantly and more often than not both hands which inhibits his eating (he's right handed), walking (he falls because he loses his balance), changing diapers, dressing him, absolutely all activities. He will not use a toilet and FIGHTS changing his diapers so the stench of his urine soaked diapers often means I cannot eat. And he always gets more food on him than in him!! Good thing I can still laugh.
deefer you go girl. I know what you mean not having a vacation, it has been 5 yrs for me. Not even one day away. We were suppose to have a family meeting today and nobody called or showed up. I have some great sibliing ha ha....
Bobbie, just do what works for you. Everyone grieves differently. Take your time, sweetie, and do what makes sense to you. We stand behind you in honoring your mom's memory.
Deefer, the Island is another day's adventure. Did you see Somewhere in Time? That's a high-end tourist trap to be sure. Interesting History, though.
So far, so good. We'll be gone today for church soon, and will visit the dad's later. Hoping to avoid family drama one more day.
SS, I know what you mean about the beach! My husband is on vacation the 5th - 13th of June and we are planning to go to the beach for 2 nights. The rates are still low and we can get an ocean front room cheap. I told all 6 of my siblings weeks ago, that they would have to help out. We have only been away for 1 night in 2 years, and I am really looking forward to the time off. Merry, the CNA and friend who has helped me with Mom for almost a year now, is able to work more hours now, thanks to Mom's long term care insurance. She will cover most of the days, get her up and off to daycare, pick her up, and get her to bed. My youngest sister will stay overnight the 3 days we are gone, and my brothers will watch her on the 2 weekends so I'm not tied down during vacation. I have been the one to get her up and dressed for the day, every day since last fall, with the exception of one day when I was too sick to get out of bed. I told everyone that this is my vacation and I want to sleep in for the whole week. I deserve it and don't care if it inconveniences them. We live in central Mass. so a few days on the New Hampshire , Maine coast will be nice. We might even do a day trip to Rockport. I saw a show on the area you were talking about, and would very much like to visit that island someday! It looks beautiful, and how about that old hotel! So glad you were able to get away and feel some peace for a while. Can't wait for next week!
glad to hear sara s back again . when is ur hubby s suppose to be there with you ? he hasnt arrived yet ? hope he gets there asap . went to visit my neighbor , he said he admired me for keeping pa home he said if he could start al over again his mother would not be in a nursing home . she died last month and she was only 65 yrs old . had a stroke they left her layin in bed for 2 days ! he didnt know it till he came to visit her and notice she wasnt up and helping cna doing thier work . his mother was one hyperactive lady . he ask about it and one ofthe cna said yeah she just laid there for 2 days , he blew up and called ambulus to take her to hospital where she later died . she had stroked out . he said im doing the right thing to keep pa home with me . took dad out for joy ride . i think it was a bit too much fo rhim . went to visit his son ( my bro ) which is almost 2 hrs drive , he realy enjoyed it but when we got home i ask him if he had a good visit he said visted who ? it floored me , he didnt remeber seeing his son ! i hope he be all ok tmr am , i had to put him to bed cuz he sure was leanin on the left side too much . so hopefuly he ll be better tmr . i dont think im going to do that again takin him out too long of a joy ride , its just too much . bobbie i feel ur pain , ure griefing so much but plz remmy that ur mom is in a better place and she is alot happier and with ur daddy again . wipe that tears off and pick up ur feet and keep a going . u have a new cycle of life now , u have a lit girl now . be the best mommy with her as ur mom would have liked it . it took me a year to dry up my tears when i lost my mom . i know ur pain dear . its rough. but then again i think it would tear me up more if i lost my dad . dad and i are real close . i sure aint lookin fwrd to that . oh lord plz give us comferts . amen . us sailors be with you all the way . xoxo
Wow, Bobbie, I know this will be a difficult week for you. Hang in there, sweetheart, and please take care of you, whether you feel like it or not. A little treat here and there, because you know your mama would want you to. Hugs and prayers.
We went across the Mackinac Bridge and walked barefoot on the sand on Hwy2 all day. My 9 year old floated on a cedar log, and I just did deep massage on the bottom of my feet with white sand. It's one of my fave beaches, and we had a great day. Part of the reason for being gone, is to avoid contact with undesirable family members. The beach works for me! We took a picnic lunch, and had a nice supper at the Bay View Inn in Epoufette. It was 73 degrees in St. Ignace at 7pm, and was a perfect Spring evening. We acted like tourists. The guys bought ice cream cones. It was a fun day on Lake Michigan. We love Northern MI at this time of year. For me, it's therapeutic. I just wander aimlessly down the sandy shore, and it seems to be the perfect antidote to all sorts of things. The rest of the year, I dream about it. I wonder if my dad had visitors today?
Bobbie, one day that boat will do for you what the beach does for me. God bless you, dear lady.
Hope your Memorial Weekend has been good, everyone. Tenn, thanks for the note. I'll write as soon as the energy returns.
What threww me in the funeral home was having to idenify him I was not expecting that but my son was with me and of course we had not slept the night before. Do you know I got a statement from my medicare supplement ins. a doc took care of him the afternoon of the day he died and the next day and he was paid by both medicare and the other ins. company. He was in the funeral home well before noon because we saw him there. I called the insurance com. and they were glad that I called them but when I called medicare they blew me off if all the false claims were stopped and money retrived we would not need national health what we have would be fine.
Sara's back and she's cleaning parts of the house, bless her heart. I actually got the car inspected and then had to go to the funeral home. I lost it when I realized that mom was near me but they wouldn't let me see her. I'm kind of a mess.
I'm back up here and I'm going to go to sleep again. It's starting to dawn on me that I don't have to keep going into mom's room and see if the covers are going up and down.
You guys are so brave. Tennessee you fight those lousy cretins! Good for you! Love to lil Tennessee.
Maxine I know you're a fighter and I love you for it!
Pooh lost her nana too and I've posted on her thread and I see that a lot of us have sent her our love.
SS you are grieving for your dad and he is still here and we are here for you also. You are strong and have the courage of a lioness.
Pamela how goes it with you? thank you as always for your kind thoughts.
Pirate, Oliviajr, TeriSteve... please forgive me if I forget one of us.. Thank you all for your amazing support.
Ten--- I am glad you are fighting I had to with the union they told me if I did not stop calling I would get notenn I called them 3 times a week to get half his pension in the 16 yrs. he was disalbed it would have been 38 thousand dollare he gave up so if he died I would get half finally I had a lawyer get involved then they acted on it after 5 months I learned to be a pain in the ass this was one widow who would not give up and I am glad you are not.
SS, Mom is doing better today. She did go on one of her spells where she thinks something happened that didn't and thought she saw people that weren't there. She gets upset about her brain and I feel so bad for her. She's a very intelligent lady. And yes, her doc or one of the other docs in his practice will be available if we need him.
tennessee, you are so right. No matter who it is in your life they will let you down at least once.
bobbie, I am so so sorry. I wish Sara was more help to you during this time. Just know that you will get better. It took a long time for me to not cry when I thought of my dad. Now it's sometimes like a sharp pain that hits me. You will get better. You're so strong and you have helped so many of us. Life is so not fair. You were there for your mom and someone needs to be there for you now. You count so much to us. Be good to yourself. Love ya.
Bobbie,if their is one thing I have learned through my experience is that human beings will let you down,no matter how hard you work or how good you are,thats why I tell my daughter if you have one or two people in your life you can count on ,count yourself lucky.Having the right words is easy,doing the right thing is where the character of the person shows.Thats why alot of us choose to believe in the lord,for he will not betray us or let us down.People let us down all of the time.Remember your advice to Pirate about giving guys a break,guys are guys at the end of the day.Your SO needs to be there with you,now is not the time to give him a hard way to go,think about it later.Nothing you say sounds pathetic.It doesn't matter how old we are or how old our parents are we still miss them,They could live to be 105 and we would still miss them.Love never fades.
Dearest Bobbie, I am so sorry for your grief and loss. Of coarse you're hurting, feel lonely, and miss your mom. I wish I could be there to hug you. Really wishing your SO were there to take you out to eat, help you work things out. Please do something nice for yourself today!!! Please take care of you. Think about this: you took such good care of your mom, and now it's your turn to take care of you. Even if you have to force yourself, you need to. Is there anyone you can call in the area for some grief counseling? Like a church, etc. Perhaps a thread on this site will help you. I am praying, and hoping you know how much you're loved. I asked my husband yesterday, "How far is New Jersey?" (Neither of us has ever been there.) He said, "A long way..." ~Just thinking..." Many prayers and hugs are going your way.
I am sad for Pooh because she lost her beloved Nana last night.
Other than that I am sleeping a lot but have so many things to do, like wirte mom's obit and eulogy aside from moving the stuff out of the building, etc etc.
I still am crying giant sobs and the mail is piling up.
Sara is here but I think she really doesn't know what to do so I guess I will let her go home to her daughter because I don't want to make her upset. She left yesterday all day since she didn't have mom to care for and I am like a stupid person because I am not taking care of myself. i did manage a peanut butter sandwich so at least I'm not starving.
I am still upset at my SO and I think it tore a little hole in us even though he's apologized, blah blah. Now I don't really care if he comes or not.
No one else comes either and so I just crawl back in bed and go back to sleep. It's funny, I worked so hard to get folks to visit mom before she died so they wouldn't be angry and disappointed with themselves later and now in their minds it's all over and they did their duty. To them I don't count.
Ow. my mama's gone and it is very lonely.
i sound pathetic. I'll get over it because I'm tough. Ow.
godhelpus and deefer, thanks so much for your responses. I'm surprised but the doc said to just push the fluids. I thought sure he would want to test her urine. He said to let them know if she gets worse. She is urinating more and I am pushing clear liquids although I know she will be very wet in the am. It all worries me. I want to know that I'm doing everything I can. She does not have a temp and no burning or pain. We'll see how she feels in the morning.
By the way, my hubby had me trim his hair, not "trip" it. :)
Miz, A UTI can definitely be the culprit! Mom has chronic infections due to Parkinsons. She can't feel when she has to go, and doesn't empty her bladder when she goes. If the aide and I don't sit her on the toilet every couple of hours, she doesn't ask to go. I have to change her diaper and nightgown around 10 every night. When she falls asleep, her bladder relaxes and empties. I make her pee when I change her, and she is still soaked in the morning and pees when she gets up. I know we don't give her that much to drink! So where does it all come from? When she first started going south mentally about 4 years ago, we actually had her committed to a psych unit for a week, 2 times. Then we finally found out it was a UTI making her act crazy! Even now it's hard to tell right away if that is what's causing the weird behavior. From my experience, you can almost count on a UTI being the culprit when they go way off to lala land. One of Mom's symtems is leaning to the left when she is sitting. Make sure you push them to get the results to you as fast as they can. I hope you don't have to wait over the long weekend, because if she does have a UTI, you're going to have your hands full. Mom's doctor always gives me 1 refill on her antibiotic now. That way I can start her on it before the results come back. Good luck! Tennesse,Give them Hell! Lawyers and insurance companies are the worst . I don't like dealing with any of them!
MIZ, Sounds like the UTI my mom had earlier this year. She had also fallen at the time and the UTI was discovered by chance in the hosp. Maybe check her sodium level too. This last time it was the sodium low. It can bee quite dangerous. If she is on BP meds they may want to change to something else & thyroid has much to do with. God be with you.
Legal update: threw a curve ball at the legal team[the ones that like to pick on widow woman and children] now they have a real reason to get their panties in a wad. The little demons will have to regroup again.
Hi Everyone. My mom has been very low energy the past few days. Today when I went to help her up out of her chair in the living room she sat back down and said she felt like she was dying. She said she didn't fell good and she rarely says that. Hubby and I got her to her bed. I made a call to her caregiver agency to see if a nurse could come check her out as I don't think she has the energy to go to the doc. Long story short, I called the doc and told the nurse what's going on. I'm thinking it might be a UTI. Agency is waiting for my call and they will send someone to get a urine sample and take to the doc. She's not urinating much unless she pushes. She just doesn't look good. It's so hard to know what to do. She just wants to lay in her bed. Says she just needs rest. I don't want to force her to the doctor. Her heart is weak. How do you know if you're making the right decision? I'm not a nurse.
Bobbie, I'm so glad your SO is coming through for you. Are funerals really hard for him? The guy next door thought a great deal of my dad and was devastated when he passed. However, he did not go to the service. I think it was just too hard for him. But, I know my dad and he would have been disappointed. I guess some people just can't face it. But, IMO, you gotta do the right thing. Bobbie, you sure didn't need that heartache at a time like this.
Wow, hubby just had me trip the back of his hair. Can't believe he trusted me to do that. When I was done I told him, "That will be $15.00." LOL.
Have a wonderful day everyone. So glad you're all here. :)
I thank God for all of you. I have been so overwhelmed by my comparatively little beginings with mom but your stregnth has buckled me by association. All the terms and info you relate have been a TREEEEmendous help to me and I am soooooo grateful. I pray we all have Bobbie's grace when the time comes. I can't stress enough...GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!! I have begune investigating mom's conditions. Most recently low sodium levels. What a hormonal, BP, kidney, excess water drinking mes that is. Surprised to find out just how dangerous it is! She is in NH now for rehab & doing well. She has cried wolf so many times and enjoys the attention so much that I didn't know what to believe or not anymore. My dad did the same thing and I don't want it to end that way with mom. My dream of a loving relationship may not come true but I can do what I can to make her passage easier. The docs have told me twice this year she has no sign of dementia, but they don't see what I see. Would cutting up plastic bottles to use as "lady urinals" constitute OCD??? Would manipulation of folks & "making plans" (elaborate schemes) constitute sociopath? The fact that she thinks she has to manipulate me at all is absurd! The foot ulcers she has will not heal if she doesn't keep them covered, but she refuses to wear socks and removes daily dressings (barefoot in her apt.). As much as she likes "service", she insists on being "independant" IE: she lives alone and I and the hired lady do everything for her! I moved out at 18 and never asked anything of my parents, yet here I am in service to a woman that taght me to be responsible for myself only; never having been instructed on how to care for another. Having flippantly introduced myself to a hospital nurse as "the servant" my mom piped in: "That's the way I planned it 50 years ago". Thanks mom I love you too! And by the way; if you wanted a servant you did a poor job of raising me that way!!! Vent Vent. The parent that can't be pleased. Sorry. I'll get better. Have a nice weekend
Teristeve, Mom's main problem is the Parkinson's which also led to the type dementia she has. She was already taking antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. Parkinson's also heightens both of these. The Ocd was getting so bad that daycare was ready to throw her out! The neurologist has started her on Seroquel to calm her down. I give it to her first thing in the morning before she goes to daycare and around noon when she starts to get real antsy on the days she is home. It has put the "brakes" on her brain, but does make her sleepy and somewhat incoherent. There are warnings not to give to elderly dementia patients, but the side affects are the same as on similar meds. At this point in time, anything that will give her some calm time is a blessing. Mom was very fortunate to have gotten herself a long term care policy about 10 years ago. I'm sure she was pressured by the agent, but it has turned out well. There is $92,000 of benefits to pay for her care and I will try to use that up on home care. It will afford me more time to keep her at home, and get the help I need with her. She did have a premium of $2200/ year, to pay. Once you open a claim, that premium no longer has to be paid and you can use the money as needed. I have to have my helper fill out a payroll form every week, and send it in for reimbursement. Of course the insurance company held out as long as they could before paying up, but that is all water under the bridge! You should try and see if you can get a wheelchair for your father in law. Also, get a restraint belt so that he can't get out without help. It sounds like you will have to have eyes on him at all times. I have 2 closed circuit cameras in Mom's apartment, that feed directly to my laptop. When I am doing chores, I can tie her in the wheelchair and be doing something in my apartment next door, and still keep an eye on her. I'm 2 or 3 seconds away and can get to her before something happens. The cameras have freed me up tremendously. Good luck and hang in there!
Bobbi I am so glad he is doing the right thing he must have heard all of us yelling at him from all over the UA I hope you feel God's comfort and strenght during this time and all our love I am still amazed of the joy of knowing all of you it is so nice to have so many friends to lean on and to encourage all of us and I hope you are able to stay with this group-it is almost a year since the husband passed away and this group still means so much to me and if you need any help with paperwork I am here been there done that and am still at it-I learned to be a real pain in the you know where to get things done-and I use to be a little mouse,
Deefer, I can relate so much with you and your mom. My father in-law sounds so mcuh like her. He was constantly trying to do things with his walker and cane that he can no longer do, but cannot remember that. So consequentially, he was falling all the time. Plus he was so angry at us when we tried to stop him or interfere in any way. He was becoming combative and agressive so the doctor put him on Zoloft (the smallest dose). It has help a lot. He is still very active but it has calmed him and he can handle the issues and his limitations better. It took about 2 weeks for it to become affective and it did make him tired at first. I almost took him off of it because I felt like we were just drugging him. But I knew we had to make it safer for him and now it is working for him. My mother-in-law was just put on this 2 weeks ago and it is just starting to work for her. Has helped a lot with her ocd. She is a lot more pleasant now too. I think she was going throught a lot of depressive feelings with her ALZ. I hope your days get easier at least now you have some compensation. Did her insurance provide this?? I am so new at all of this I am not sure waht to apply for or how?
Hey Bobbie, Glad to hear your SO is going to be there for you. Men can be real jerks at the worst times possible!!! Give your mom the sendoff she deserves. Olivia, I found my mom on the bathroom floor Tuesday morning. She fell asleep with her neck propped up on the ledge of the shower stall!! Her neck is still sore and she has a nasty red mark from it. Like the rest of you, I don't take her to the hospital unless I know it is really serious. She falls fairly often and always has bruises on her body. A lot of them are from her jamming herself through doorways in her wheelchair. Her long term care checks are finally rolling in. Hallelujah!!!! I called the insurance company last Tuesday and was told they were still processing paperwork. Mind you, we initiated the claim in January. I used some threatening words that day and called back again on Thursday. Low and behold, everything had magically gone through and the checks were in the mail. By Tuesday, I had received over $5000 in checks, to reimburse Mom for money paid out for her home care. Now I can have Merry hear 30 hours a week, to help me out. Mom is getting to be more of a handful every day, but I will keep her home for as long as I can, even though I get hardly any help from my 6 siblings! I know they were all expecting me to put her in a NH as soon as she signed the house over to me, but I didn't, and don't intend to until there is no option left for keeping her at home. The Parkinson's has made it so that she cannot walk without help from someone. The dementia has made it so that she can't use a walker and she can't remember that she cannot walk anymore. She has to be tied to her wheelchair or her heavy glider rocking chair. You would not believe the different methods she has employed to try and extricate herself from the restraints! We call her Houdini. Her severe OCD has her coming up with all kinds of mischief to get into when she is in her wheelchair. Sometimes you just have to laugh and let her go. A lot of the time it is very frustrating and mind numbing to see her in constant motion. She will not listen to anyone when she sets her mind to do something. She was always a great eater, but now gets easily distracted and plays with her food like a kid. Merry has worked with Alz. patients for years and says that we may be able to keep her home for another year, but after that, she will be too much to handle. Have to get Mom up and dressed. I put together pots of flowers for the cemetery and Merry and I will take Mom for a ride this afternoon to place them graveside. Last year I had my shoulder surgery at this time, and forgot about the flowers. I felt so bad when Mom asked and I told her I hadn't done it. I mentioned to my sibs that I couldn't do it with one good arm, but none of them helped me out. I have been doing the Memorial Day pots for Mom since Dad died 28 years ago. This year I made sure I would have them done for her. Everyone have a great weekend if you can! Bobbie, I'll be thinking of you.
Bobbie, thank you for sharing the funeral info. God bless you dear sister! Can't imagine all you're going through. We just went through a funeral with my SIL, with her two daughters speaking, and my hubby (for his sister). They were all pretty choked up doing it. Before she left, she chose a church, and a preacher from there spoke, and it was lovely, talking of her home in heaven. My heart goes out to you during these days.
Tenn, your precious daughter wrote on my wall. She is adorable.
Yes, I'm glad my dad was up and about. I can tell he's not the same, but that is to be expected with Alzheimer's. They suspect Lewy Bodies Dementia, but who really knows. I know he's not the man he was, and has been through a lot. It's a horrible disease. When we left last night, I said, Dad, I love you. He replied, "I love you!" It's often so hard to walk away. Thank God he's only 4 minutes from our house, where I can see him whenever I want, and keep a good eye on him.
Glad to come home to happy ending with SO.Thank you Lord. Yeah,my daughter is very good at seeing people for who they really are-actions speak louder than words.She's a smart girl.Think God its not the 1800's where children are seen but not heard.Well,atleast its not here in TENN.Bobbie,is your SO flying into night.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Never a dull moment!
Bobbie
please take care of yourself.
Deefer, the Island is another day's adventure. Did you see Somewhere in Time? That's a high-end tourist trap to be sure. Interesting History, though.
So far, so good. We'll be gone today for church soon, and will visit the dad's later. Hoping to avoid family drama one more day.
I have been the one to get her up and dressed for the day, every day since last fall, with the exception of one day when I was too sick to get out of bed. I told everyone that this is my vacation and I want to sleep in for the whole week. I deserve it and don't care if it inconveniences them.
We live in central Mass. so a few days on the New Hampshire , Maine coast will be nice. We might even do a day trip to Rockport.
I saw a show on the area you were talking about, and would very much like to visit that island someday! It looks beautiful, and how about that old hotel!
So glad you were able to get away and feel some peace for a while. Can't wait for next week!
went to visit my neighbor , he said he admired me for keeping pa home he said if he could start al over again his mother would not be in a nursing home . she died last month and she was only 65 yrs old . had a stroke they left her layin in bed for 2 days ! he didnt know it till he came to visit her and notice she wasnt up and helping cna doing thier work . his mother was one hyperactive lady . he ask about it and one ofthe cna said yeah she just laid there for 2 days , he blew up and called ambulus to take her to hospital where she later died . she had stroked out .
he said im doing the right thing to keep pa home with me .
took dad out for joy ride . i think it was a bit too much fo rhim . went to visit his son ( my bro ) which is almost 2 hrs drive , he realy enjoyed it but when we got home i ask him if he had a good visit he said visted who ? it floored me , he didnt remeber seeing his son !
i hope he be all ok tmr am , i had to put him to bed cuz he sure was leanin on the left side too much . so hopefuly he ll be better tmr . i dont think im going to do that again takin him out too long of a joy ride , its just too much .
bobbie i feel ur pain , ure griefing so much but plz remmy that ur mom is in a better place and she is alot happier and with ur daddy again . wipe that tears off and pick up ur feet and keep a going . u have a new cycle of life now , u have a lit girl now . be the best mommy with her as ur mom would have liked it . it took me a year to dry up my tears when i lost my mom . i know ur pain dear . its rough. but then again i think it would tear me up more if i lost my dad . dad and i are real close . i sure aint lookin fwrd to that .
oh lord plz give us comferts . amen . us sailors be with you all the way . xoxo
We went across the Mackinac Bridge and walked barefoot on the sand on Hwy2 all day. My 9 year old floated on a cedar log, and I just did deep massage on the bottom of my feet with white sand. It's one of my fave beaches, and we had a great day. Part of the reason for being gone, is to avoid contact with undesirable family members. The beach works for me! We took a picnic lunch, and had a nice supper at the Bay View Inn in Epoufette. It was 73 degrees in St. Ignace at 7pm, and was a perfect Spring evening. We acted like tourists. The guys bought ice cream cones. It was a fun day on Lake Michigan. We love Northern MI at this time of year. For me, it's therapeutic. I just wander aimlessly down the sandy shore, and it seems to be the perfect antidote to all sorts of things. The rest of the year, I dream about it. I wonder if my dad had visitors today?
Bobbie, one day that boat will do for you what the beach does for me. God bless you, dear lady.
Hope your Memorial Weekend has been good, everyone. Tenn, thanks for the note. I'll write as soon as the energy returns.
God bless our Veterans!
Sara's back and she's cleaning parts of the house, bless her heart.
I actually got the car inspected and then had to go to the funeral home. I lost it when I realized that mom was near me but they wouldn't let me see her. I'm kind of a mess.
I'm back up here and I'm going to go to sleep again. It's starting to dawn on me that I don't have to keep going into mom's room and see if the covers are going up and down.
You guys are so brave. Tennessee you fight those lousy cretins! Good for you! Love to lil Tennessee.
Maxine I know you're a fighter and I love you for it!
Pooh lost her nana too and I've posted on her thread and I see that a lot of us have sent her our love.
SS you are grieving for your dad and he is still here and we are here for you also. You are strong and have the courage of a lioness.
Pamela how goes it with you? thank you as always for your kind thoughts.
Pirate, Oliviajr, TeriSteve... please forgive me if I forget one of us.. Thank you all for your amazing support.
We have grown into a fine crew.
lovbob
tennessee, you are so right. No matter who it is in your life they will let you down at least once.
bobbie, I am so so sorry. I wish Sara was more help to you during this time. Just know that you will get better. It took a long time for me to not cry when I thought of my dad. Now it's sometimes like a sharp pain that hits me. You will get better. You're so strong and you have helped so many of us. Life is so not fair. You were there for your mom and someone needs to be there for you now. You count so much to us. Be good to yourself. Love ya.
Love to all of you.
miz
I am sad for Pooh because she lost her beloved Nana last night.
Other than that I am sleeping a lot but have so many things to do, like wirte mom's obit and eulogy aside from moving the stuff out of the building, etc etc.
I still am crying giant sobs and the mail is piling up.
Sara is here but I think she really doesn't know what to do so I guess I will let her go home to her daughter because I don't want to make her upset. She left yesterday all day since she didn't have mom to care for and I am like a stupid person because I am not taking care of myself. i did manage a peanut butter sandwich so at least I'm not starving.
I am still upset at my SO and I think it tore a little hole in us even though he's apologized, blah blah. Now I don't really care if he comes or not.
No one else comes either and so I just crawl back in bed and go back to sleep. It's funny, I worked so hard to get folks to visit mom before she died so they wouldn't be angry and disappointed with themselves later and now in their minds it's all over and they did their duty. To them I don't count.
Ow. my mama's gone and it is very lonely.
i sound pathetic. I'll get over it because I'm tough. Ow.
lovbob
By the way, my hubby had me trim his hair, not "trip" it. :)
Bobbie, how are you doing?
When she first started going south mentally about 4 years ago, we actually had her committed to a psych unit for a week, 2 times. Then we finally found out it was a UTI making her act crazy! Even now it's hard to tell right away if that is what's causing the weird behavior.
From my experience, you can almost count on a UTI being the culprit when they go way off to lala land. One of Mom's symtems is leaning to the left when she is sitting.
Make sure you push them to get the results to you as fast as they can. I hope you don't have to wait over the long weekend, because if she does have a UTI, you're going to have your hands full. Mom's doctor always gives me 1 refill on her antibiotic now. That way I can start her on it before the results come back.
Good luck!
Tennesse,Give them Hell! Lawyers and insurance companies are the worst . I don't like dealing with any of them!
Sounds like the UTI my mom had earlier this year. She had also fallen at the time and the UTI was discovered by chance in the hosp.
Maybe check her sodium level too. This last time it was the sodium low. It can bee quite dangerous. If she is on BP meds they may want to change to something else & thyroid has much to do with. God be with you.
Bobbie, I'm so glad your SO is coming through for you. Are funerals really hard for him? The guy next door thought a great deal of my dad and was devastated when he passed. However, he did not go to the service. I think it was just too hard for him. But, I know my dad and he would have been disappointed. I guess some people just can't face it. But, IMO, you gotta do the right thing. Bobbie, you sure didn't need that heartache at a time like this.
Wow, hubby just had me trip the back of his hair. Can't believe he trusted me to do that. When I was done I told him, "That will be $15.00." LOL.
Have a wonderful day everyone. So glad you're all here. :)
love,
miz
I have begune investigating mom's conditions. Most recently low sodium levels. What a hormonal, BP, kidney, excess water drinking mes that is. Surprised to find out just how dangerous it is! She is in NH now for rehab & doing well. She has cried wolf so many times and enjoys the attention so much that I didn't know what to believe or not anymore. My dad did the same thing and I don't want it to end that way with mom. My dream of a loving relationship may not come true but I can do what I can to make her passage easier. The docs have told me twice this year she has no sign of dementia, but they don't see what I see.
Would cutting up plastic bottles to use as "lady urinals" constitute OCD??? Would manipulation of folks & "making plans" (elaborate schemes) constitute sociopath? The fact that she thinks she has to manipulate me at all is absurd! The foot ulcers she has will not heal if she doesn't keep them covered, but she refuses to wear socks and removes daily dressings (barefoot in her apt.). As much as she likes "service", she insists on being "independant" IE: she lives alone and I and the hired lady do everything for her!
I moved out at 18 and never asked anything of my parents, yet here I am in service to a woman that taght me to be responsible for myself only; never having been instructed on how to care for another. Having flippantly introduced myself to a hospital nurse as "the servant" my mom piped in: "That's the way I planned it 50 years ago". Thanks mom I love you too! And by the way; if you wanted a servant you did a poor job of raising me that way!!! Vent Vent. The parent that can't be pleased. Sorry. I'll get better.
Have a nice weekend
There are warnings not to give to elderly dementia patients, but the side affects are the same as on similar meds. At this point in time, anything that will give her some calm time is a blessing.
Mom was very fortunate to have gotten herself a long term care policy about 10 years ago. I'm sure she was pressured by the agent, but it has turned out well. There is $92,000 of benefits to pay for her care and I will try to use that up on home care. It will afford me more time to keep her at home, and get the help I need with her. She did have a premium of $2200/ year, to pay. Once you open a claim, that premium no longer has to be paid and you can use the money as needed. I have to have my helper fill out a payroll form every week, and send it in for reimbursement.
Of course the insurance company held out as long as they could before paying up, but that is all water under the bridge!
You should try and see if you can get a wheelchair for your father in law. Also, get a restraint belt so that he can't get out without help. It sounds like you will have to have eyes on him at all times. I have 2 closed circuit cameras in Mom's apartment, that feed directly to my laptop. When I am doing chores, I can tie her in the wheelchair and be doing something in my apartment next door, and still keep an eye on her. I'm 2 or 3 seconds away and can get to her before something happens. The cameras have freed me up tremendously.
Good luck and hang in there!
I can relate so much with you and your mom. My father in-law sounds so mcuh like her. He was constantly trying to do things with his walker and cane that he can no longer do, but cannot remember that. So consequentially, he was falling all the time. Plus he was so angry at us when we tried to stop him or interfere in any way. He was becoming combative and agressive so the doctor put him on Zoloft (the smallest dose). It has help a lot. He is still very active but it has calmed him and he can handle the issues and his limitations better. It took about 2 weeks for it to become affective and it did make him tired at first. I almost took him off of it because I felt like we were just drugging him. But I knew we had to make it safer for him and now it is working for him. My mother-in-law was just put on this 2 weeks ago and it is just starting to work for her. Has helped a lot with her ocd. She is a lot more pleasant now too. I think she was going throught a lot of depressive feelings with her ALZ.
I hope your days get easier at least now you have some compensation. Did her insurance provide this?? I am so new at all of this I am not sure waht to apply for or how?
Olivia, I found my mom on the bathroom floor Tuesday morning. She fell asleep with her neck propped up on the ledge of the shower stall!! Her neck is still sore and she has a nasty red mark from it. Like the rest of you, I don't take her to the hospital unless I know it is really serious. She falls fairly often and always has bruises on her body. A lot of them are from her jamming herself through doorways in her wheelchair.
Her long term care checks are finally rolling in. Hallelujah!!!! I called the insurance company last Tuesday and was told they were still processing paperwork. Mind you, we initiated the claim in January. I used some threatening words that day and called back again on Thursday. Low and behold, everything had magically gone through and the checks were in the mail. By Tuesday, I had received over $5000 in checks, to reimburse Mom for money paid out for her home care.
Now I can have Merry hear 30 hours a week, to help me out. Mom is getting to be more of a handful every day, but I will keep her home for as long as I can, even though I get hardly any help from my 6 siblings! I know they were all expecting me to put her in a NH as soon as she signed the house over to me, but I didn't, and don't intend to until there is no option left for keeping her at home.
The Parkinson's has made it so that she cannot walk without help from someone. The dementia has made it so that she can't use a walker and she can't remember that she cannot walk anymore. She has to be tied to her wheelchair or her heavy glider rocking chair. You would not believe the different methods she has employed to try and extricate herself from the restraints! We call her Houdini. Her severe OCD has her coming up with all kinds of mischief to get into when she is in her wheelchair. Sometimes you just have to laugh and let her go. A lot of the time it is very frustrating and mind numbing to see her in constant motion. She will not listen to anyone when she sets her mind to do something.
She was always a great eater, but now gets easily distracted and plays with her food like a kid.
Merry has worked with Alz. patients for years and says that we may be able to keep her home for another year, but after that, she will be too much to handle.
Have to get Mom up and dressed. I put together pots of flowers for the cemetery and Merry and I will take Mom for a ride this afternoon to place them graveside. Last year I had my shoulder surgery at this time, and forgot about the flowers. I felt so bad when Mom asked and I told her I hadn't done it. I mentioned to my sibs that I couldn't do it with one good arm, but none of them helped me out. I have been doing the Memorial Day pots for Mom since Dad died 28 years ago. This year I made sure I would have them done for her.
Everyone have a great weekend if you can!
Bobbie, I'll be thinking of you.
Tenn, your precious daughter wrote on my wall. She is adorable.
Yes, I'm glad my dad was up and about. I can tell he's not the same, but that is to be expected with Alzheimer's. They suspect Lewy Bodies Dementia, but who really knows. I know he's not the man he was, and has been through a lot. It's a horrible disease. When we left last night, I said, Dad, I love you. He replied, "I love you!" It's often so hard to walk away. Thank God he's only 4 minutes from our house, where I can see him whenever I want, and keep a good eye on him.