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Hello to you all. Interesting postings over this last 24 hrs. Thank you Bobbie for asking how everyone is doing. So kind of you to think of us while you travel the journey you are on. PirateGal, I'm sure we all know the feelings of anticipating 'what will happen next'; knowing if you've gotten over into the caregiving for a long length of time, you know to expect anything at any time. Try not to worry. This is advice I give to myself on a daily basis. Worry depletes the body of good things and one can become ill themselves from caregiving. 195Austin .... I agree with you that if someone is in need and we have something to share, then yes, we do own an obligation to share. Knowledge is the best thing that can help us all throughout the journeys of caregiving. If memory serves correctly, dtflex asked about the name of a book and vdbrton answered back with the "Cup of Comfort" For Families Touched by Alzheimer's. Thanks for mentioning that book. I will be sure to buy and read it. I do not know if it was the book that was being asked about but would like to mention one by the name of "The 36-Hour Day" - A Family Guide To Caring For Persons With Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, And Memory Loss In Later Life written by Nancy L. Mace, M.A., AND Peter V. Rabins, M.D., M.P.H. I believe from reading so many posts from this site that this book would be of a great help to you all, as well as it has been to me. It holds chapters that cover topics concerning Legal Matters, 'The Caregiver' themselves: (Chapter 12: How Caring for an Impaired Person Affects You". While reading it, you may find yourself nodding in agreement to so many things and you will not feel so alone anymore. Most of our emotions, our thoughts and how we react to caregiving is normal. I was so glad to read the book as it was a big help in knowing I had not lost it! To read up on and try to understand everything you can set your eyes on to read can help you with so many things, especially with understanding the parent which is why I would like to share with you all some sites I read and keep up to date with: for ones who have someone in a nursing home, please read every word of this site: www.decubitus.org Please read every bit of the information they have on their site for I feel you'll be amazed at reading their material which can be a strong companion in your corner should you ever run into the problem of your parent having bedsores. We had a CBC report come in today on my Mother and she is having to have 2 units of blood given to her. Further tests are being run to see why she is losing blood. I appreciate your kind prayers and words of kindness .... alll of you. God bless you and your families.
Yes that was Styx that had that song...Come sail away with me.
Hey folks checking in.....Mom finally went for her blood test...for her imaginary constipation, cept one thing she ain't HARPING on it daily like a canary anymore...hmmmmm. Guess she figured that farce was not going to last long...I am anticipating anxiously for the next down slope of the roller coaster...what's is the next brain dead thing she is going to cleverly dream up. Will keep you in tune...when news happens.
Tenn- I think you should let your neighbor in on what lies in store for him why keep your unwanted education to yourself I wish I had known more rather then training by fire. I explaned a lot to a neighbor's son the other they are just starting this journey and when he told a lawyer some things he made a unhelpful commet I think we should share info with others whenever we can and they seem lost.
Can any of you remember the name of the book that was mentioned in the thread a few weeks ago? It was about dealing with your elders with dementia and alz. I was thinking I would go to the library and check it out.
I had another short day at work since my sitter for the day called to say she couldn't come in. I finally go in to work at 11am. I was lucky my boss was out of town today so I didn't have to listen to her complain about my being late. I guess I'll hear it Thursday when she returns.
Well I have to go get dinner going. Have a good night ladies.
Wasn't it Styx that used to have a song about "Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me..."
Bobbie, You angel! I'll be praying you realize your dreams. While it takes a little longer, and lots of forethought, we can travel with our elders. Take is slow, and pace yourself. Funny, just like having kids, you have to anticipate every move...and think on your feet. Blessings to your travel plans!
You'll have to buy a cute little boat for the pool, and watch that move about, dreaming of the real thing...
You're neighbor is in for a reality check. Let him have his blissful time and hopefully the family will figure out the right thing for the mom first and put themselves last.
Mom getting a smile on. I told her that it's still not totally finished and get ready but she doesn't care. Most of it is finished and Her room is finished and I'll open the pool over the next week so she can sit out and watch the water. she loves to watch the AquaBot clean the bottom and sides. wonder how the rest of the crew is today?
Had a neighbor yesterday telling me about his mom going downhill,she is not even in bad shape yet and the family wars- drama has already begun. He thinks my situation is isolated-which I admit It's worst than the norm[ only because of the lawyers and misuse of power],but he has not a clue.I don't think he has any idea the stress thats ahead of him. He seems to think the title of POA means-no stress for me.I tried to explain POA is not a title of honour,but one of great responsibility-he can't take time out to see his mom who is only 15 minutes away-too busy he claims and the rest of the family are about to revoke,he thinks he's safe. I told him he needs to be worrying about his mom more and less about himself.Time to step up to the plate. Bobbie,its count down time,only another week until your mom makes it home,isn't it-I bet she is very excited.
I haven't been online for about a week and had a lot of catching up to do on the thread.
Giles, good to know grandma is happy at the new home.
Boobie, you are a wonderful daughter. I will be rooting for you to get mom home on the 11th.
SS, so sorry about your sister-in-law. Through the sadness it was a blessing your dad was able to make the trip for the funeral. As for the laxative deal, I agree they should not be administering anything without your approval. I do know mom on occassion has an "instant release" and she cannot act fast enough to get to the bathroom. She has Parkinsons and spinal stenosis that contribute to the situation.
Forgive me but I can't remember each an every person's post but I can certainly relate to them all in one way or another. Deefer, Madison, Tennessee and Vburton, glad to have you as part of the crew. Vburton, these ladies on this thread are a life saver! Vent here any time. No one understands the situation better than a fellow caregiver.
My brother was visiting for 2 weeks to give me a little break with mom. It was nice to know I had someone else to help with mom, I could get to work on time and work later as needed. Bro even cooked dinner nightly and mowed the lawn! Plus my boyfriend and I got away for an overnight trip which was truly needed. My brother got a little better understanding of some of the issues I face daily but its still just the tip of the iceburg.
Today was mom's 83rd birthday. We celebrated as a family on Saturday but mom and I went to dinner together tonight. It was nice that it was just us to celebrate together.
Pam, I didn't see you on here recently. I hope everything is going well for you and mom. I think of you when I am in my garden.
"The State" says they have to administer laxatives if he doesn't go regularly. The State decides who needs what, don't you know? I will be pursuing this. Since I am his guardian, I think the State should consult with me, don't you? After all, I'm there more than "The State" is. Wait till the new regime completely takes over!
SS! That's not right! We don't allow ANTHING to be given to mom without talking to me first. Period. Vitamins, prescriptions, etc. maybe you solved the problem. His system is probably working fine and they're interfering.
Is he wearing a Depend? It makes all the difference and mom, who was always very proud, gets it and makes sure she lets you know that she wants her special underwear.
Yesterday she had a # 2 accident on the way to the head and the cargiver just says: don't worry, it's ok. that's why I'm here and changes her out. Depend keeps her clothes cleaner. I get mom the super soaker strength.
There does come a time when they're going to use the diaper to go in. With my mom I don't believe the side effects are worth the trade off on so many different medications and I wouldn't think of getting between her fairly healthy system and the inconvience of her going in a diaper. When it happens she doesn't stay poopy for long because they changer her right out.
SS, You would think that if they have to record everything, the people that are stuck hosing him down every time he goes must be making a note of this on his chart. At least one would think they should. I would very facetiously ask why they have to keep a record of if he doesn't poop, as opposed to writing down that he is having brown waterworks several times a day. It would seem this would be more of a threat to his health than being constipated! I would definitely pursue this problem until it is resolved, before he gets dehydrated. Good luck!
Giles, thanks for your comments. I asked at the nursing home today, and they said if he "doesn't let them know whether he went or not, they give him a stool softener." I said, he can barely say hello, let alone tell someone every time he goes poo. Why would you do that? So she checked the chart, and told me the dates they have recorded...as if that solves the problem. Quit with the laxatives, I say! No wonder he's incontinent all the time, going through 4 pairs of pajamas per day. Either that, or I need to move him to a place if they don't stop routinely giving him stool softeners for not reporting every bowel movement. How can someone who's lost communications skills be expected to report such? Think I need to become the feisty firstborn again!
Wow, Tennessee. Your dad sounds like a great guy. Farmers are the hardest working people on earth and not too many people realize that. Besides being able to be very proud of your dad, it must also make it much easier on you that he is able to do more to help himself like cooking and picking up after himself. Your are seriously one of the lucky ones. Congratulations.
Deefer, Well now you know to keep track of all of the money that you're spending out of your pocket. When it builds up to a certain point, you know to ask your fam to pitch in and......POOF! I bet another "account" might be found. These are good things to know. LOL A word of advice from me to you to save you some aggravation on Mother's Day.....Be sure to explain to your mom well in advance that you will be going out with hubby on Mother's Day "to allow her more time to spend with her children that she never gets to see". Wink, Wink. I know from experience that siblings who don't want to help also get jealous and feel guilty about all the work you're doing. Don't know if this would be the case with yours or not but I'd hate to see them go out of their way to make sure that mom notices you're the only sibling NOT there on Mother's Day. Siblings can be VERY petty when it comes to this sort of thing. They have nothing valuable to build themselves up so instead they will try to do or say anything to make you look bad to try and earn unwarranted favor with mom. All of us here know what's going on when stuff like that happens and we can blow it off to some extent but why go through the aggravation if you don't have to. I'd hate to see something so petty put any kind of damper on the day if you and your hubby are actually going to get to out together. Glad to hear that you're gonna get a much needed, much earned vacation soon. Way to put your foot down! Good job!
SS, I think that it's pretty common/normal for his condition. At least from what I'm hearing. Has a doctor checked him out to see if they could find a physical cause for the problem? Sometimes there are medications that help to regulate these sorts of problems but it all depends on what is causing it. I'd hate to see it not treated under the assumption that it's just the late stage ALZ. Grandma has had to take meds for her urinary incontinence for over a year now and they also gave her a "cooter cream" that she has to put on each night before bed that is supposed to help strengthen her bladder walls. Her meds definately help! I have no personal experience with what might be available for men and/or fecal incontinence but would definately check into it if I were you. Good Luck!
naheaton, Thanks! We are taking the first full week of June off and heading out to the beach for 4 days. I'm about to let my siblings know that I want the whole week covered. Not just the days we will be gone! After 2 long years, they can take over for 1 lousy week! Of course the aide will pick up some of the time, but all my sibs get more than 3 weeks vacation a year, so they can damn well finally spend time with Mom. I hope she sh!!s herself 3 times a day. Let the games begin!!!
deefer12, I totally get where your husband is coming from being mad don't you? He's mad at the whole situation and in trying to protect you, he's frustrated. Men are usually fixers, and he can't fix this so.. Just like when a woman goes thru menopause/pms the husband has to stay clear and know it's not his fault when his mild mannered wife suddenly goes ballistic. He's just going thru G.O.T.S (getting old stinks syndrome) so you're gonna have to cut him some slack. But the two of you do have to put your marriage first, regardless of your deadbeat siblings. Find a way to get your husband away from the drama and get his wife back. Even if it's only temporarily, 'make it happen'. Good luck to ya.
Wow Giles, you made me realize how truelly special my dad was,he did most of the cooking, cleaned up after himself,he was a great cook didn't mind telling you so either.Like most farmers worked from dawn to after dusk.Farmers don'.t retire,they just die.My mom was aschool teacher,so he got us off to school,made us a full breakfast and had us dinner on the table when we got home. For my birthday he would make me birthday cakes that was as tall as skyscrapers.He didn't believe in womans work and man's work,he believed in everybody pitching in.Just as he believed a man should be self suffucient in the kitchen and house he also believed a woman shouldn't have to rely on a guy.My neighbors told the lawyer I was the only man my dad had on the farm since my brothers never pitched in. I would not even date a man that couldn't cook. My mothers friends always told her she was lucky.During the summer months my mother took over the cooking and house chores.He took care of his MIL, to keep her out of NH.I thought all of these guys that expected woman to do certain things were the demented ones.
I was thinking that a man might be more difficult because they are usually bigger and heavier.We got a hydraulic lift to move him around,it was kinda like a swing,it was a back saver.All of the caregivers would comment about what a gentleman my dad was. Plus I figured if a person were to get mad a man could throw a better punch than a woman. I've come to believe that the mom's throw punches with words,more so than physically.
Hello to you, my fellow caregivers and inspiration! I love to read your posts. Yes, caregiving does take over every many a thought and fiber of our being, even when not 24/7 caring. I see my dad as often as possible, but think about him even when I'm not. Bought him jammies last night, as per his regular 2nd shift nurse's request. This week, I'll be exploring options for his meds regarding his incontinence issue.
Is that normal in late stage Alzheimer's? He is still ambulatory, and can feed himself, but needs help dressing. He can still tie his shoes. I was wondering if some med is causing the incontinence or if it's normal. At least he doesn't go in the corner of the hallway anymore. He still recognizes me.
I'm excited that his brother is driving all the way to Michigan from Colorado to see him in the next couple of weeks. God bless that man for his $,$$$.00 gift to me for caring for his brother since 2008. Dad's siblings appreciate me more than my own mom does. God smiled on me through that man big time, and I can't wait to give my Uncle a hug!
Hope you all have a good week, despite the obvious challenges. Thanks so much for being here. It helps! And God bless you for caring for your loved ones! Well done, caregivers!
Hey everyone, Had a big blowout with hubby Saturday night. Wants to know why for 2 years I've been the only one of 7 caring for Mom. We've only been away 1 night in the last 2 years and are stuck here every weekend when he's off from work. We are in a 4 family house and Mom is on the bottom floor next to us. I have a connecting door to her place and a baby monitor and 2 cameras that feed back to my laptop so I can keep an eye on her when I'm doing chores. Her Parkinsons has progressed to the point that she cannot walk alone. Her dementia makes doing things on her own very difficult, so I have to bathe, dress, toilet, etc. her every day. My hubby and I rarely fight in the 40 years we have been together, but this was a doozy! I finally told him I no longer expect the siblings to help unless I ask, and I'm tired of begging! I said they are never going to just drop by and relieve me, so I've moved on and stopped asking. I have a CNA that will soon be paid by Mom's long term care insurance. In the meantime, the house was signed over to me, giving me a whole new set of bills, taxes, water, repairs, etc. on top of paying the aid out of my own pocket since the first of the year. Talked to my sister who is POA and told her that everyone is going to have to pitch in to pay until insurance starts. Low and behold, another "account" with thousands of dollars in it, was found in Mom's name. So cash was transferred to Mom's checking account to pay me for room and board and the aid. Sis thinks that when insurance reimburses Mom for all the back pay owed to the aid, that it's going right back into Mom's checking account to continue paying for help. I've got news for her! I paid the aid over $2500 since the first of the year, and I want it back! I just realized with all the commotion this weekend, that I missed a payment deadline on a credit card, and will have $40 late fee as well as losing my low interest! But I paid all Mom's bills on time! So all in all, it was a lousier than usual weekend. Husband had plenty to think about after the fight and decided that he was being unreasonable for taking out his frustrations on me. I have enough on my plate, and never complain about my situation to him. We did go for a long ride yesterday, and ate out for a change. It was so nice to get away! Of course the aid watched Mom while we were gone. Next week is Mother's Day. I wonder how many sibs will show up out of guilt? If anyone shows up, my husband and I will get out of Dodge as fast as we can!
I don't know the answer to the man woman thing but I bet prior personality before dementia has a large roll to play.
With Giles, It's great that the lady is mothering others. What a gracious personality and what a blessing for all concerned that she is in a good place and stepping right up and taking her place in the community.
You find a good place and Let me tell you: when the time comes and you are visiting your mom and she gets that look on her face and someone else shows up and expertly takes her to her private bathroom that is specially equipped for HER with the right height and grab bars etc etc. you get pretty happy.
If your mom isn't messy yet, she will be and it's tough because it starts easy.. just helping with pants up and down then towards where my mom is, it turns into hard to get them to sit on the pot, confusion as to where the pot is, not remembering what to do when they get on the pot, and you're trying to move a 135 pound demented lady and she starts fighting you and man, when they go and you don't know about it until you smell the poopy pants hidden under the bed... all this stuff is on the list of things dementia will do. At the place while mom's in the head, I'm sitting on this great comfy couch with the remote to the BigScreen. Whassup. Mom comes back with the caregiver a little later all clean and shiny. Tell me where I'm screwing up here....lol Now mom and I get to goof off and have fun and someone else does what stresses us out.
And the really good news? We can go home and not have that awful dead feeling of living the life of a 90 year old demented person.
that's what it all really boils down to: we end up living THEIR life and their disease and it's not right. Our bodies react negatively because of the imbalance in our lives and we get sick and doubt ourselves and go through all kinds of hell.
And, with Giles, Don't you love the stress levels down to ZERO in the house! CongratulationsGiles!! Proud of you Sailor! We should have a ceremony or something. OK I got it: the ceremony consists of everybody taking a 4 hour nap.
C'mon Burton you can see what everybody's going through... You just be patient with yourself little angel and you're going to be able to do this. We'll be here for you. Baby Steps.
Tennessee, I think there are a whole lot of factors involved in whether an individual (male or female) does well in assisted living. You will generally see more women in assisted living communities and nursing home facilities but that's mostly because women tend to outlive their husbands. Women still live longer than men in most parts of the world. My opinion is that when a man reaches the point of needing assistance in this day and age, they typically need a full care environment versus an assisted living environment. Take there generation for instance. Men did NOT cook, did NOT clean, did NOT do the finances, etc. That was the woman's job. The men went to work to support the family and the wife took care of the house and the family and waited on these men hand and foot. Now these men have lost their wives and don't know a thing about cooking or cleaning or taking care of a household. Years ago, my grandmother was in the hospital for two days for something or the other and she kept insisting that I go down to the house and check on pop. Good thing and she knew it because he wouldn't have eaten til she came home. It drove me nuts the way he expected me to wait on him hand and foot, like I was a servant or something. But that's the difference between their generation and mine. He asked me to go out to the kitchen and get him a fork. I asked him if his legs were broken and he said "no they're fine but I have no idea where we keep our silverware. I have no idea where she keeps anything in the kitchen." He was totally lost without her. Thus, I tend to feel that while many women do fine with assisted living, I see more men going into nursing homes where someone can take care of them.
Tennessee, It sounds like quite the predicament. I really hope you win with whatever legal stuff is coming but know that whether you win or lose......you were the one that did the RIGHT thing, even if the courts don't see it that way. You know it, your father knows it, and God knows it. That's what counts. And your brother knows it too, even if he never admits it. That will be his curse come judgement day! Good luck with all of it. You'll have to keep us posted. :)
You know I was at a extreme disadvantage not knowing the legal system-my brother[the lawyer] set me up and I fell right into it-he knew I would take charge if he didn't. I do wonder how they sleep at night-but I wonder that with murders and rapist also.
Thanks SS. It was a huge and very tough decision to make for us because we always thought that nobody could take care of her better than we could. Surprisingly, we were wrong. Although it may not be the right choice for every elder or every caregiver, it was the right choice in our case for us and grandma. Sometimes our homes and our life situations are just not the right environment for an elderly person with dementia and/or other disabilities. Our hearts were in the right place by having her live with us but it just didn't fit her needs. We just had to come to terms with all of that before making the decision so that we could be comfortable with it. And remember, just because we don't have our elder live with us 24/7, it doesn't mean that we aren't still involved with their care. We still deal with dementia in all its glory. And we still have stories to tell.....we're just slightly more sane! LOL And I still thoroughly enjoy reading all of the posts here. Being a caregiver was and is such a prominent part of my life and who I am that I feel like I can relate better to everyone on here than I do with people in my everyday life because they don't understand us the way we understand each other here. You don't have to be defensive about your choices, dealing with dementia is NEVER black and white.............it's mostly gray!
Giles, it didn't embarass my dad it made him mad,he said she showed her true colors.He thought he was opening a thinkyou card. He also thought it made my brother look unmannly,he said he could understand it more if he needed the money. They knew more about my dads true condition than I. I found out through the legal system.My brother had POA and wouldn't share the medical information with me. The home health nurse would tell me I would walk in and find him dead.My POA brother would not get him night help,so I assigned my self.I figured if I didn't take my eyes off of him,he would not die on my watch. I told my dad if my brother was mad about a hundred dollars,how was he going to act with me getting the farm-that was my first clue-I laughed it off because I thought it made my brother look so childlike-embarassingly childlike.It seems to me now after reading so much on here that the homehealth nurse should have reported my brother for not doing his job.I guess you could say I took over and did the POA'sjob but now I know I didn't have the legal right just a moral obligation.MY brother wouldn't even get my dad to the hospital when the nurse told him too,he would say lets' just wait.My dad was completely bedridden-he couldn't walk and dribble he dribbled in bed.His mind was pretty good until sundown.I think my brother looked at him as a burden-It was always me and dad against the world-he was my best friend.People around here were shocked to find out I had brothers they never were around.I guess they never came around because we would have put them to work on the farm,it was always alot to do.
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PirateGal, I'm sure we all know the feelings of anticipating 'what will happen next'; knowing if you've gotten over into the caregiving for a long length of time, you know to expect anything at any time. Try not to worry.
This is advice I give to myself on a daily basis. Worry depletes the body of good things and one can become ill themselves from caregiving.
195Austin .... I agree with you that if someone is in need and we have something to share, then yes, we do own an obligation to share. Knowledge is the best thing that can help us all throughout the journeys of caregiving.
If memory serves correctly, dtflex asked about the name of a book and vdbrton answered back with the "Cup of Comfort" For Families Touched by Alzheimer's. Thanks for mentioning that book. I will be sure to buy and read it. I do not know if it was the book that was being asked about but would like to mention one by the name of "The 36-Hour Day" - A Family Guide To Caring For Persons With Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, And Memory Loss In Later Life written by Nancy L. Mace, M.A., AND Peter V. Rabins, M.D., M.P.H.
I believe from reading so many posts from this site that this book would be of a great help to you all, as well as it has been to me. It holds chapters that cover topics concerning Legal Matters, 'The Caregiver' themselves: (Chapter 12: How Caring for an Impaired Person Affects You". While reading it, you may find yourself nodding in agreement to so many things and you will not feel so alone anymore. Most of our emotions, our thoughts and how we react to caregiving is normal. I was so glad to read the book as it was a big help in knowing I had not lost it!
To read up on and try to understand everything you can set your eyes on to read can help you with so many things, especially with understanding the parent which is why I would like to share with you all some sites I read and keep up to date with: for ones who have someone in a nursing home, please read every word of this site: www.decubitus.org Please read every bit of the information they have on their site for I feel you'll be amazed at reading their material which can be a strong companion in your corner should you ever run into the problem of your parent having bedsores.
We had a CBC report come in today on my Mother and she is having to have 2 units of blood given to her. Further tests are being run to see why she is losing blood. I appreciate your kind prayers and words of kindness .... alll of you. God bless you and your families.
Hey folks checking in.....Mom finally went for her blood test...for her imaginary constipation, cept one thing she ain't HARPING on it daily like a canary anymore...hmmmmm. Guess she figured that farce was not going to last long...I am anticipating anxiously for the next down slope of the roller coaster...what's is the next brain dead thing she is going to cleverly dream up. Will keep you in tune...when news happens.
Can any of you remember the name of the book that was mentioned in the thread a few weeks ago? It was about dealing with your elders with dementia and alz. I was thinking I would go to the library and check it out.
I had another short day at work since my sitter for the day called to say she couldn't come in. I finally go in to work at 11am. I was lucky my boss was out of town today so I didn't have to listen to her complain about my being late. I guess I'll hear it Thursday when she returns.
Well I have to go get dinner going. Have a good night ladies.
Wasn't it Styx that used to have a song about "Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me..."
You'll have to buy a cute little boat for the pool, and watch that move about, dreaming of the real thing...
You're neighbor is in for a reality check. Let him have his blissful time and hopefully the family will figure out the right thing for the mom first and put themselves last.
Mom getting a smile on. I told her that it's still not totally finished and get ready but she doesn't care. Most of it is finished and Her room is finished and I'll open the pool over the next week so she can sit out and watch the water. she loves to watch the AquaBot clean the bottom and sides.
wonder how the rest of the crew is today?
lovbob
Bro's a keeper, bless his heart and I'm glad you and your boyfriend got away. It sure is important.
Boobie, eh? I totally deserve it. that was a day.
Ya, where's pamela? She has inspired me to get mom's garden ready so she can enjoy it this summer.
lovbob
I haven't been online for about a week and had a lot of catching up to do on the thread.
Giles, good to know grandma is happy at the new home.
Boobie, you are a wonderful daughter. I will be rooting for you to get mom home on the 11th.
SS, so sorry about your sister-in-law. Through the sadness it was a blessing your dad was able to make the trip for the funeral. As for the laxative deal, I agree they should not be administering anything without your approval. I do know mom on occassion has an "instant release" and she cannot act fast enough to get to the bathroom. She has Parkinsons and spinal stenosis that contribute to the situation.
Forgive me but I can't remember each an every person's post but I can certainly relate to them all in one way or another. Deefer, Madison, Tennessee and Vburton, glad to have you as part of the crew. Vburton, these ladies on this thread are a life saver! Vent here any time. No one understands the situation better than a fellow caregiver.
My brother was visiting for 2 weeks to give me a little break with mom. It was nice to know I had someone else to help with mom, I could get to work on time and work later as needed. Bro even cooked dinner nightly and mowed the lawn! Plus my boyfriend and I got away for an overnight trip which was truly needed. My brother got a little better understanding of some of the issues I face daily but its still just the tip of the iceburg.
Today was mom's 83rd birthday. We celebrated as a family on Saturday but mom and I went to dinner together tonight. It was nice that it was just us to celebrate together.
Pam, I didn't see you on here recently. I hope everything is going well for you and mom. I think of you when I am in my garden.
Take care everyone,
Di
We don't allow ANTHING to be given to mom without talking to me first. Period. Vitamins, prescriptions, etc. maybe you solved the problem. His system is probably working fine and they're interfering.
Is he wearing a Depend? It makes all the difference and mom, who was always very proud, gets it and makes sure she lets you know that she wants her special underwear.
Yesterday she had a # 2 accident on the way to the head and the cargiver just says: don't worry, it's ok. that's why I'm here and changes her out. Depend keeps her clothes cleaner. I get mom the super soaker strength.
There does come a time when they're going to use the diaper to go in. With my mom I don't believe the side effects are worth the trade off on so many different medications and I wouldn't think of getting between her fairly healthy system and the inconvience of her going in a diaper. When it happens she doesn't stay poopy for long because they changer her right out.
They're out of line.
tennessee, a beautiful tribute to your dad.
love you all,
lovbob
Deefer, Well now you know to keep track of all of the money that you're spending out of your pocket. When it builds up to a certain point, you know to ask your fam to pitch in and......POOF! I bet another "account" might be found. These are good things to know. LOL A word of advice from me to you to save you some aggravation on Mother's Day.....Be sure to explain to your mom well in advance that you will be going out with hubby on Mother's Day "to allow her more time to spend with her children that she never gets to see". Wink, Wink. I know from experience that siblings who don't want to help also get jealous and feel guilty about all the work you're doing. Don't know if this would be the case with yours or not but I'd hate to see them go out of their way to make sure that mom notices you're the only sibling NOT there on Mother's Day. Siblings can be VERY petty when it comes to this sort of thing. They have nothing valuable to build themselves up so instead they will try to do or say anything to make you look bad to try and earn unwarranted favor with mom. All of us here know what's going on when stuff like that happens and we can blow it off to some extent but why go through the aggravation if you don't have to. I'd hate to see something so petty put any kind of damper on the day if you and your hubby are actually going to get to out together. Glad to hear that you're gonna get a much needed, much earned vacation soon. Way to put your foot down! Good job!
SS, I think that it's pretty common/normal for his condition. At least from what I'm hearing. Has a doctor checked him out to see if they could find a physical cause for the problem? Sometimes there are medications that help to regulate these sorts of problems but it all depends on what is causing it. I'd hate to see it not treated under the assumption that it's just the late stage ALZ. Grandma has had to take meds for her urinary incontinence for over a year now and they also gave her a "cooter cream" that she has to put on each night before bed that is supposed to help strengthen her bladder walls. Her meds definately help! I have no personal experience with what might be available for men and/or fecal incontinence but would definately check into it if I were you. Good Luck!
so you're gonna have to cut him some slack.
But the two of you do have to put your marriage first, regardless of your deadbeat siblings. Find a way to get your husband away from the drama and get his wife back. Even if it's only temporarily, 'make it happen'. Good luck to ya.
I was thinking that a man might be more difficult because they are usually bigger and heavier.We got a hydraulic lift to move him around,it was kinda like a swing,it was a back saver.All of the caregivers would comment about what a gentleman my dad was. Plus I figured if a person were to get mad a man could throw a better punch than a woman. I've come to believe that the mom's throw punches with words,more so than physically.
Is that normal in late stage Alzheimer's? He is still ambulatory, and can feed himself, but needs help dressing. He can still tie his shoes. I was wondering if some med is causing the incontinence or if it's normal. At least he doesn't go in the corner of the hallway anymore. He still recognizes me.
I'm excited that his brother is driving all the way to Michigan from Colorado to see him in the next couple of weeks. God bless that man for his $,$$$.00 gift to me for caring for his brother since 2008. Dad's siblings appreciate me more than my own mom does. God smiled on me through that man big time, and I can't wait to give my Uncle a hug!
Hope you all have a good week, despite the obvious challenges. Thanks so much for being here. It helps! And God bless you for caring for your loved ones! Well done, caregivers!
Her Parkinsons has progressed to the point that she cannot walk alone. Her dementia makes doing things on her own very difficult, so I have to bathe, dress, toilet, etc. her every day. My hubby and I rarely fight in the 40 years we have been together, but this was a doozy! I finally told him I no longer expect the siblings to help unless I ask, and I'm tired of begging! I said they are never going to just drop by and relieve me, so I've moved on and stopped asking. I have a CNA that will soon be paid by Mom's long term care insurance. In the meantime, the house was signed over to me, giving me a whole new set of bills, taxes, water, repairs, etc. on top of paying the aid out of my own pocket since the first of the year.
Talked to my sister who is POA and told her that everyone is going to have to pitch in to pay until insurance starts. Low and behold, another "account" with thousands of dollars in it, was found in Mom's name. So cash was transferred to Mom's checking account to pay me for room and board and the aid. Sis thinks that when insurance reimburses Mom for all the back pay owed to the aid, that it's going right back into Mom's checking account to continue paying for help. I've got news for her! I paid the aid over $2500 since the first of the year, and I want it back! I just realized with all the commotion this weekend, that I missed a payment deadline on a credit card, and will have $40 late fee as well as losing my low interest! But I paid all Mom's bills on time!
So all in all, it was a lousier than usual weekend. Husband had plenty to think about after the fight and decided that he was being unreasonable for taking out his frustrations on me. I have enough on my plate, and never complain about my situation to him. We did go for a long ride yesterday, and ate out for a change. It was so nice to get away! Of course the aid watched Mom while we were gone. Next week is Mother's Day. I wonder how many sibs will show up out of guilt? If anyone shows up, my husband and I will get out of Dodge as fast as we can!
I don't know the answer to the man woman thing but I bet prior personality before dementia has a large roll to play.
With Giles, It's great that the lady is mothering others. What a gracious personality and what a blessing for all concerned that she is in a good place and stepping right up and taking her place in the community.
You find a good place and Let me tell you: when the time comes and you are visiting your mom and she gets that look on her face and someone else shows up and expertly takes her to her private bathroom that is specially equipped for HER with the right height and grab bars etc etc. you get pretty happy.
If your mom isn't messy yet, she will be and it's tough because it starts easy.. just helping with pants up and down then towards where my mom is, it turns into hard to get them to sit on the pot, confusion as to where the pot is, not remembering what to do when they get on the pot, and you're trying to move a 135 pound demented lady and she starts fighting you and man, when they go and you don't know about it until you smell the poopy pants hidden under the bed... all this stuff is on the list of things dementia will do.
At the place while mom's in the head, I'm sitting on this great comfy couch with the remote to the BigScreen. Whassup.
Mom comes back with the caregiver a little later all clean and shiny. Tell me where I'm screwing up here....lol
Now mom and I get to goof off and have fun and someone else does what stresses us out.
And the really good news? We can go home and not have that awful dead feeling of living the life of a 90 year old demented person.
that's what it all really boils down to: we end up living THEIR life and their disease and it's not right. Our bodies react negatively because of the imbalance in our lives and we get sick and doubt ourselves and go through all kinds of hell.
And, with Giles, Don't you love the stress levels down to ZERO in the house!
CongratulationsGiles!! Proud of you Sailor! We should have a ceremony or something.
OK I got it: the ceremony consists of everybody taking a 4 hour nap.
C'mon Burton you can see what everybody's going through... You just be patient with yourself little angel and you're going to be able to do this. We'll be here for you. Baby Steps.
lovbob