Many ill people are in the state of denial. My experience is with people with dementia. Take my mother, who is now deceased, went around for over a decade keeping her stroke or "brain bleed" a secret. Changing doctors did not help but could not be avoided. So, when I was not around, she was getting a whole lot of eye exams, and they could not figure why she could see very well sometimes, and at other times, had hardly any vision. And she would collapse or fall now and then. The hospital said she fell because she was tripping on things each time. As time went on, I had to stick with her through everything and listen to all the garbage from the physicians at the medical school, until they finally let her see a neurologist and get some scans. That proved that all my volunteer hours of devotion were paying off. Why does it have to be that way? The patients privacy must be respected, and the doctor's have their HIPPA regulations. And somebody in between cannot eat, because he/she has to care for some one who "can do all their ADLs" (meaning there is nothing wrong with them) when they really cannot sign a form, cannot pay a bill, cannot cook, cannot find a bathroom, cannot make a bed, cannot take a bath, cannot tie sneakers, and sleeps with clothes on.
I also have a son who is an attorney and his 2 cents is the same. People who need to know about healthcare issues, get told. Telling a person with dementia about their options as per healthcare and they have HIPPAA's that don't 'allow' any info to get out--seriously? It's ridiculous.
Not like they are posting a patient's healthcare info on a wall, but I have never had a moment's problem talking to one of mother's doctor's nor DH's and HIPPAA would preclude me from knowing.
I know this was meant as some way to keep a lot of stuff secret, but it's overkill, IMHO. Doctors DO respect privacy and such, but I have been shocked at the amount of information they've dropped on me, when I was simply the 'driver' and nothing else.
I worked ELder Care and I knew more about my client's health than her family.
Go figure.
The thing is, when people become elderly, even if all the marbles are in their proper places, they don't understand why you need them to fill out a damn form so you can talk to their medicare supplement provider oc doctor. And the doctors never say, "hey, have you thought about your caregiver? We can't talk to him if you don't fill out this form?"
In my family my sister handles the money and I do the medical. It's makes us feel even.
When you first suspect something go to the doctors and have your parent sign a form allowing you to be able to call and ask questions of that doctor. Remember, in this case that form is only good for that doctor.
Sometimes if you have her sign this you don't have to be the POA.
My mom hid her dementia from me for a VERY long time. By the time I was aware, she was well into mid-stage (easy to accomplish as I didn't live locally). The fact that she continued to drive (and had multiple fender benders) was dangerous. The fact that she was managing the money for the church she belonged to was dangerous. The list goes on and on.
I think in most medical conditions, where there is no potential harm to others, patient privacy should be protected entirely. But when we're talking cognitive decline where impairment could lead to unsafe decision making that could directly harm someone else I think we need slightly different parameters.
My parents had kept from me that they both had cancer. I had no idea until the time came when I needed to drive them and sit in on their doctor appointments. But my parents were always very private about their health. It runs in the family, I never told my parents when I had cancer, neither.
My parents HIPAA was between the both of them. I was not listed until they needed me to act upon their medical Power of Attorney.
And there is always a chance that one's parent will not tell the doctor that something is wrong. With dementia, one can do what is called "showtiming" thus making them look and act like everything is normal.