I can get him to things he forgot, but he does remember not wanting to go to memory care. I have POA over him and I do tell him he needs to go.I also need to go to senior living due to not being able to do daily up keep of our house.His family can't help due to their health issues. His doctors have told him he needs to go. We even have documentation he should he be there.Any ideas?
Only you will know the best way, depending on how your husband is.
As a last resort , The other thing you could do is call your County Agency of Aging and see if they would be willing to come out and bring your husband to MC, This is what I had to do to get my mother out of the house. They coordinated with the facility on date and time.
I'd even tell him you dropped the idea of "Memory Care" and decided you'd both do this "together." It will happen in 2 phases, he gets settled in first while you make sure everything runs smoothly with the home, and will follow.
So sorry I'm sure this is very hard
Like Daughterof1930 recommended, stop talking to him at all about "memory care". You pick out a place (and make sure it accepts Medicaid!). You discuss the transition day with the admins and staff so that they know you are getting him in there using a fib (they will be happy to play along, it's not their first rodeo). Then you tell him you're both going to stay at a temporary apartment because the current residence is having "work done" (so, water is off, electrical is off, etc) or there's a problem (gas leak, black mold, bug infestation). Whatever narative you think he'll buy. Then pack a bag for each of you and help him get settled into his new room. Then go home and have a cocktail and don't respond to any of his calls for a few days -- give him time to settle in.
If he isn't currently on meds for anxiety and agitation (if he's having these problems) then now -- before he moves -- is the time to get him started on these so that he won't be overly anxious unnecessarily.
I wish you much success in getting him into MC!