How is everyone handling not being able to spend time with loved ones this Christmas for those who are in Memory Care, or AL and IL?

I am allowed to take my mom home for Xmas. But when I went to get her she once again yelled and screamed that I never see her or visit so she was t coming with me. I’ve tried about 3 times this month to take her out. Same response each time. I know I had to try for Christmas No indoor visit allowed. I even brought my daughter thinking that might soften her but no. She just upset he and make her cry seeing her grandmother like this. Her granddaughters were everything to her. But she could care less about them now. I’ve decided to give this up and hope when indoor visits are allowed she might be better.

The assisted living facility where my mom is has recently had a covid case, a care giver who was in close contact with my mom, so I am not able to relax and enjoy the peace of mind that could come with not having to do much this holiday season. No parties or dinners to attend or organize. Just delivering presents, masked on porches, and mailing many prints of a new painting. Also, still grieving my brother's death, so I don't have the correct spirit for celebration anyway. It's fine to stay safely at home, except for the worry about Mom.

It’s not that important in the big scheme of things to not see everyone.

I will be with the most important person in my life, my sweet husband.

That is what matters the most to me.

Our oldest daughter may be with us. If she is it will be a blessing. If not, there will be another time to visit.

Our youngest daughter recently moved far away so we will FaceTime.

We talk to our daughters nearly everyday so it’s not like we wait for a holiday for a ‘special’ gathering.

Will FaceTime with my cousins, nieces, nephews, godchildren, friends and neighbors.

Hopefully mom will be wearing her hearing aid and we can chat for a few minutes on the phone.

I'm writing as the "bad guy" who "dumped" LO in a nursing home. The parties involved are either not speaking to me or they ARE speaking to me, but refuse to discuss the elephant in the room (which is LO's problems and why the need for placement). LO thinks she will get out - and we have a meddler who reinforces this. I am the evil person with an "agenda" who is keeping her there and LO believes this fallacy. At the same time, I was primary caregiver. So LO does see that she cannot "get out of here" without my help - so this leads to syrupy-sweet interactions where she tells me what wonderful care I gave, etc and she thinks I will take her out of there and try again (never in a million years). She needed 24/7 care (she denies this) and it simply was not available outside of a facility. There's been a lot of controversy over this and enough pain for a lifetime. I did take her some new clothes recently (drop off only - no visitation allowed). She quickly figured out it was me and did call to thank me. I will do the same at Christmas (but I'll wrap them). I'm actually OK with not visiting her right now. Her life is not the only one turned upside down. Mine was too. I don't have it in me to have to constantly defend my actions and decisions. Bad things now push me to tears quickly and I am finding I have no patience with anything or anyone anymore. I had an anxiety attack over something silly a few days ago and that cannot continue. I'm OK to not visit on Christmas. I have nothing more to offer her at this point.

Mama's nursing home on lockdown through January 21, 2021. I have not given her a hug since March 11, 2020. Mama has Parkinsons Psychosis Dementia. She does know me but she is very lonely and bedridden. I visit her at her window most days. She was used to my visiting her inside her room most days . She has a hard time dealing with not being allowed out of the facility to come home with us for a couple hours.

Christmas will be different this year. Last year was my Bro's first Christmas in his ALF, and his last Christmas anywhere. Because we were separated by many miles we could not be together. But he did observe that it was the most fun he had had at Christmas for a while. I saw pictures of him in the main lodge having the tree decorating, wearing the silly reindeer antlers made of brown felt. I was thinking of this recently, as the decorations were always his favorite part. Because he, and now I were/am treated like family there I see the decorations going up at his ALF now, each cottage, all over the place. I think some facilities try so very hard with all the traditions observed. I can only hope that you place will be one of them. This will be a different Christmas for all of us I suspect, in so many ways. Vaccine is out now; I hope this is the last one spent locked down.

Dear "marcykong,"

I understand how you feel because I'm pretty much in the same boat. My mom actually did better with the window visits than when I came about a half dozen times since mid September for an actual outdoor visit. My mom couldn't hear me when we were outside because we were far apart and there was a partition. She also seemed disinterested so I ended up leaving feeling down and exhausted because it was hard. I just really wanted her to get out of not only her apartment in Memory Care, but just out in general for some fresh air. We live in the SW, so it's good weather. Now, they started requiring testing just for an outdoor visit so I'm back to the window visits.

So for Thanksgiving, I brought a piece of pumpkin pie with a mini cup of vanilla ice cream and had them take it to her room while we visited.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we will do the same thing. I bought her a Christmas bag of Ghirardelli Chocolate Caramels and will give that to her as a little gift along with a card. I noticed that when I mail her cards, she doesn't open them and obviously the facility doesn't either. I already brought her a Poinsettia that she could enjoy during the month.

I hope you can find something that will work for the both of you to at least make it somewhat special even if it can't be like we've done in the past.