I am a 60 year old caregiver for my 74 year old husband. He has Parkinson's disease and has been bed bound for the last 21 months. I love him dearly. He requires total assistance. For the first year I had more energy, but between worry and some depression, I am tired. It's really not a question that I have. I just need to vent. I worry when he doesn't tell me what he wants, or if he's too hot or cold, or hungry or in pain. Some days he's more talkative and other days not. He understands most of what I ask him or tell him. He had a terribly painful yeast infection on his back recently (completely red and raw all over his back). Thank goodness for the Hospice Nurse and doctor that they could identify it and immediately order the medication to treat it. Thanks to the help of the nurse and aids he can be treated at home instead of the hospital. I was in a panic and felt so completely helpless and frightened. I hate feeling like that! Other than the yeast and Parkinson's, he's in stable health and eats well. I realize his condition can last for several years. I am happy to have him with me, but overwhelmed with this thought at the same time. He is a full code and has made this decision presently. I have depression meds, and aids 4.5 to 6 hours daily. We have no children, and relatives live out of state or an hour or two away. Friends have drifted by the wayside as time went on, and it's just us. My life seem like a twisted version of the movie Ground Hog Day. Then I feel guilty for feeling this way. I pray often.
You very much love hubby. Together you are still managing somehow and you seem to wish to continue. However, you are suffering some clinical depression and you may be risking your health at some point unless you get solid night's sleep usually. I worry for how long you can sustain this.
I understand your love and dedications. My heart goes out to you. And to your hubby as well.
You must not forget that you matter too in this equation.
Your story is similar to mine, as my late husband who had vascular dementia was completely bedridden for the last 22 months of his life and also under hospice care for that entire time. And he was 12 years older than I.
And I too was his full-time caregiver, and was glad to be able to do it, though it was very stressful at times.
My local caregiver support group literally saved my life. I don't know what I would have done without all the good folks that helped get me through my tough journey with my husband. Please seek one out.
Also your faith can be great source of strength, as well as having a church family to walk along side you.
My husband has been gone for 4 years now, so I am here to tell you that this too shall pass, and that life does go on after the death of a spouse. And life is good.
So hang in there, keep praying, and keep doing the great job that you're doing. You will never regret being there and taking care of the man you love until death do you part. I'm sure he would do the same for you if the tables were reversed.
May God bless you and keep you as you walk this very difficult journey with your husband.
I'm sure your life has gotten very lonely, I am so sorry for all your going through.
Hope to see more of you here in the future, vent anytime.