Mom is 70 and has moderately severe brain shrinkage. I look at her with such amazement that she is going through this disease. Mom became ill, I took her to the ER to determine she had a UTI and impacted bowels. She nearly died in the hospital due to an allergic reaction to medications. I made the decision to have her go to a skilled memory care with the hospital’s social worker. Mom says, this is not me. I don’t belong here. The guilt I feel from those words are unimaginable. I knew the time was near, my homecare person came to work and only stayed for an hour because it was becoming very overwhelming. Mom walks a few steps and sits down. She needs assistance with bathing, toileting, incontinence and doesn’t know that I’m her daughter and thinks I’m her best friend or sister. I know that I can’t physically handle her because my lupus flares more frequently now. Mom has been with me, my husband and our children for nearly 4 years. She was diagnosed with early onset around 2013.
I’m torn with her in the nursing home vs with me and our family. I love her so much. I find myself at the nursing home 3-4 times daily.
I might try to talk to a counselor and other family members for support. Visiting that often would seem to me to cause more stress on you. If you think she needs more attention, I'd explore Hospice. They have been wonderful and add another set of eyes to make sure that the patient is comfortable and in need of nothing.