Hi guys
this isn’t really a question, just an update on my situation. I took the kind advice of some of you here and spoke to my sister about my grievances having our father living with my husband and me. When I’d finished, she says, What? Do you want to put him into care? I said yes, The conversation about this too long winded and stressful. But the upshot was from her. “ what about me and the money that she would miss out on putting him into care” I said to her it’s not your money it’s Dad’s money, and you’ll not be the only one missing out. Then it was “ Do you think that we want Dad with you so we get all the money? I said yes and that we are safeguarding your and my brothers inheritance. She told me I was being passive aggressive which I was, but she got me angry. Anyway this is the real hoot. She told me that I inherited Michael’s house when I married him and she still has to pay a mortgage and work and raise two boys. This is the shortened version and I’m sorry for venting but I ended up by hanging up on her. I have given her money when she had Covid this year and couldn’t work and when there were bushfires near where she lives , we put her up at our home for a few days until it was safe for her, the boys a friend and her son. We were very happy to help out. But she’s changed and hot so hard and bitter about things that happened in the past. Anyway nothing was solved and I haven’t heard from my brother. She has proven to me what I’ve known all along. That she is a selfish narcissistic person and only cares about herself.
Is your sister a "reliable reporter" of what others say?
As Beatty says, forget what everyone else wants and think about what is convenient and doable for you and best for your dad.
How about YOU TELL the others in the family what you are going to do. If they suggest something thats not to your liking say "I prefer my plan" and stand your ground.
An ex states they *want* to come.. what for? Just to stir up the crowd for attention & create drama?
Spread the word a flying pig has the invitation.
So your Brother "wants us to do something" - so he is invited somewhere without her, is that it? He CAN choose what he does or does not do with his day surely? He could host his own 'do' if he wanted?
Forgot what everyone else wants for a sec - what would you like to do?
I was in charge of her finances, and I hired a financial adviser to oversee her investments. When Mom died she had more money than she had when she went into the nursing home.
I'd tell your siblings to stuff it, then do what needs to be done to ensure proper care for your father AND his finances. Your siblings are financially illiterate, so they're the last ones I'd listen to about money issues.
I remember one of the Nurses complaining that one of the other Nurses son had it made because her husband owned a business and he worked in it. Unlike her whose kids would have to work for
everything. Oh well, thats life.
If dad's money is that important to her, she can take on the responsibility of his care.
You really don’t need very much of this type of discussion because there’s nowhere to go with it.
It is not your job to be a caregiver because your house is paid for and she works.
Memorize- “I love Dad but I can’t take care of him any more. We will need to use HIS MONEY to pay for his residential care”. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat…………