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Hi guys
this isn’t really a question, just an update on my situation. I took the kind advice of some of you here and spoke to my sister about my grievances having our father living with my husband and me. When I’d finished, she says, What? Do you want to put him into care? I said yes, The conversation about this too long winded and stressful. But the upshot was from her. “ what about me and the money that she would miss out on putting him into care” I said to her it’s not your money it’s Dad’s money, and you’ll not be the only one missing out. Then it was “ Do you think that we want Dad with you so we get all the money? I said yes and that we are safeguarding your and my brothers inheritance. She told me I was being passive aggressive which I was, but she got me angry. Anyway this is the real hoot. She told me that I inherited Michael’s house when I married him and she still has to pay a mortgage and work and raise two boys. This is the shortened version and I’m sorry for venting but I ended up by hanging up on her. I have given her money when she had Covid this year and couldn’t work and when there were bushfires near where she lives , we put her up at our home for a few days until it was safe for her, the boys a friend and her son. We were very happy to help out. But she’s changed and hot so hard and bitter about things that happened in the past. Anyway nothing was solved and I haven’t heard from my brother. She has proven to me what I’ve known all along. That she is a selfish narcissistic person and only cares about herself.

I think I would speak directly to your brother.

Is your sister a "reliable reporter" of what others say?

As Beatty says, forget what everyone else wants and think about what is convenient and doable for you and best for your dad.

How about YOU TELL the others in the family what you are going to do. If they suggest something thats not to your liking say "I prefer my plan" and stand your ground.
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Um.. don't people wait to be *invited* to Christmas?

An ex states they *want* to come.. what for? Just to stir up the crowd for attention & create drama?

Spread the word a flying pig has the invitation.

So your Brother "wants us to do something" - so he is invited somewhere without her, is that it? He CAN choose what he does or does not do with his day surely? He could host his own 'do' if he wanted?

Forgot what everyone else wants for a sec - what would you like to do?
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We now have another blip on the radar. Not really father related but family anyway. My sister rang me to talk about our Christmas get together. Our brother wants us to do something but his ex wife whom we all loathe wants to come. They have been separated for a year and we are all hoping for a speedy divorce. She reckons that they’re going to reconcile one day but my brother has said he will never go back to her. This woman has put our brother through the wringer. She’s the most narcissistic manipulative cow I’ve ever met. Anyway we don’t want her with us at Christmas. My sister is going to speak to our brother as she has more contact with him than me. She’s more diplomatic than me. I’m guessing WW3 is imminent.
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My mother was in a nursing home for the last 2 1/2 years of her life. Her expenses during that time cost nearly $250,000.

I was in charge of her finances, and I hired a financial adviser to oversee her investments. When Mom died she had more money than she had when she went into the nursing home.

I'd tell your siblings to stuff it, then do what needs to be done to ensure proper care for your father AND his finances. Your siblings are financially illiterate, so they're the last ones I'd listen to about money issues.
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You need to consult with Elder law Atty about your Dad’s care & finances …They can develop a plan of action that will minimize financial loss. Also they can prepare health proxy & power of attorney, update Will. If you want siblings to participate in consult…up to you. If you were living there w Dad for st least 2 years in his house & to avoid nursing home, house exempt from Medicaid. Let us know how it goes. Try not to be at war with siblings. Concentrate on getting best care & situation for him first & then hopefully everything else will fall into place. Nothing goes smooth. We’re here to support you. Hugs 🤗
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Who has POA. If you, go ahead and place Dad. If not, then keep telling them, I will no longer care for Dad so either one of you take him, or you place them.

I remember one of the Nurses complaining that one of the other Nurses son had it made because her husband owned a business and he worked in it. Unlike her whose kids would have to work for
everything. Oh well, thats life.
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As you said, you knew this all along. Now just proceed as you know you should in your own mind, and leave off worrying about someone not worth your time and concern.
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Less talking to siblings and more action to find dad a new place to live, one where he’s safe and cared for. Don’t feel you need to justify or explain anymore, just act
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Damn skippy. SHE doesn't get to decide on YOUR life because of the loss of HER potential inheritence.

If dad's money is that important to her, she can take on the responsibility of his care.
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Did you actually tell her firmly that you WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR FATHER ANY MORE?

You really don’t need very much of this type of discussion because there’s nowhere to go with it.

It is not your job to be a caregiver because your house is paid for and she works.

Memorize- “I love Dad but I can’t take care of him any more. We will need to use HIS MONEY to pay for his residential care”. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat…………
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She can take your father to live with her if she wants to preserve any potential inheritance. She can choose to do that. It doesn't have to fall on your shoulders.
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