Just sharing because it’s so strange. Mom passed away 5 months ago…
I’m at a friend’s house and two women show up asking if I’m my Mom. They say they’ve delivered the comfort kit and I leave immediately. I stop at a grocery store to buy her flowers because she loved the roses I gave her for her birthday 2 weeks before she died.
I leave the store and can’t remember where my car is. By the way it had a flat tire that I was driving on. I frantically search for the car and finally go back in and ask Customer Service to help. I wait while he looks for what seemed like forever while I’m chatting (?) with two women about my plight.
He finds the car (with the flat!) and as I’m heading toward it my daughter, who I would normally prioritize over anything (ever) calls and I feel even more stressed. I decline the call and the dream ends.
Holy Moly, what the hell? I’m exhausted…thanks for listening.
Then frantically searching for all you have lost. Your Mom. Your certainty and peace. Your comfort.
Your daughter? I think your thinking that you cannot get this mourning together, and what are you not giving your daughter who needs you. And oh dear. Everyone needs everything from you, and here you are, in need yourself.
To me it's all about need, our human inability to handle it all, our beating ourselves up for not handling it all, our trying, our anxiety that we just can't be everything to everyone and take care of ourselves as well.
I have always looked on dreams as great teachers, allegorical visions trying to tell us about our feelings. I love them. It is a whole other world.
Your mind is working it all out AsianDaughter, or TRYING to. It is trying to figure this out, and in my mind you have never been any different. Even when Mom was here you were ironing out how you could take care of her and you as well, having these complicated thoughts about what you did do/can do/will do and what the outcome will be.
My daughter says she has figured out that she suffers from having a feeling there is a RIGHT and a WRONG, a BLACK and a WHITE. And that doesn't fit reality which is somewhere between right and wrong and all shades of grey.
You are doing fine. Listen to your dreams. If you start a beautiful dream journal decorate it; you will get more dreams and your mind will interpret them for yourself, because quite honestly NO ONE but WE OURSELVES can interpret our dreams.