I have written before on how my mother does not like anything I cook. Because of mobility issues she no longer cooks. I have asked for help within my community and a very kind woman has volunteered to help me prepare meals for my mother. She started off with a few samples for her to taste to see if she likes them. The first meal was a hit but after that the complaints began. She questioned why this woman was doing this for her and said she wasn't a "charity case." I told her that people really care about her. It seems she cannot be grateful and I have given up trying to think that she can express a positive response. I felt very discouraged that no matter how hard I try I cannot solve this problem.
Stop trying to fix, ameliorate, and make things better for your mom.
You mother has dementia. She is stuck in a loop of negativity. Nothing you can do or say is going to change her attitude. If you want to continue to help her, do so, but without expectation of love or gratitude. I hope the antidepressants kick in soon!
Sadly she was malnourished in the end. Of course her food was not nourishing her because she refused to eat anything green because she took blood thinners. No matter what her doctor said....
Anyway, I will take a different tack tonight.
Tonight I would like to suggest to you that you withdraw your energy from this problem. That you consider that you are so focused on your mom that you are neglecting yourself.
And in a way you are malnourished from not receiving that validation you are so hungry for.
I know I’m not your mama but let me tell you what’s good demstress.
You are good.
You are very good.
I really don't like it when people are passive aggressive instead of just being honest about what is really bothering them.
Otherwise, if empathy does not win her over I'd be tempted to calmly say, "mom I know you must miss cooking, but this is your new normal now what can we do together to deal with this new reality?
Then, I think I'd loose my patience and say "look I'm not your wipping girl to take your frustrations out on because you can't cook anymore. So stop it.
From your description, you can't change her. It is her problem. It is not your monkey, not your circus. It's up to her to build a bridge and get over it.