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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
If the siblings would not be too opposed to it, maybe some sort of a family intervention could be conducted by a mental health professional or a social worker. At least, if someone could educate the siblings about dementia. I wish that intervention was available back when we could have used it. My sibling was in denial of mom's dementia and threatened to disown me and have the will changed if I dared put mom in a home. Thankfully, nothing ever came of that, but, at least, if a neutral party could educate the siblings. If the siblings don't wish to speak to a therapist/social worker, could you give them some literature on dementia to read?
It can be difficult breaking through the denial that family members can have. They can want to deny the dementia in another family member for many reasons....maybe it hits too close to home and is scary to admit, they don't want to admit that the person is really no longer "himself", they feel they are dishonoring that person for saying that he has dementia. Talking frankly and with concrete explanations can help to educate other family members about dementia. And LME's suggestions are great. Maybe your mother's doctor could assist you by making a diagnosis which would indicate that a nursing home would be an appropriate placement for her.
You are right. It IS best for her, and for you! When I read something like this I often wonder: Have any of the OTHER siblings actually cared for the person? It is doubtful that they have! They do not understand the level of care that is necessary for a person with dementia/Alzheimers, IF you do it right!! It is a 24 hr a day job that doesn't stop. And you can't just leave them alone while you sleep or bathe, or shop, or sleep or bathe, or eat........
Educating your siblings is only possible if they WANT to be educated and actually READ the information you give them. This is not always possible UNLESS you call a family meeting. This was NOT possible in our family.
Perhaps if you can tour some facilities with any of your siblings that would help, or even 'one' at a time they should see that the level of care they get is excellent.
Here is another suggestion (that I am sure you will not want to do,but it may shake them up). Let them know that YOU need help caring for Mom and that they are going to have to have Mom move in with them for an extended period of time. I know you would not want to do this (I didn't) but it may just make them think about how their lives would be impacted.
You will need to have DPOA (durable power of attorney) and healthcare proxy to move ahead with your plans. If you don't have either, go for GUARDIANSHIP of your mother so you can make decisions for her without opposition. Talk to an elder lawyer and get all this in place.
Then look at facilities that are near to you and has the rating you are looking for. Make sure that you tour the facility (unannounced) during meal times and other times during the day. Ask about their visitor policies after your tour, and what services they offer. Even after your mother is placed,you will still need to be a BIG part of her life/routine to make sure she is getting the care she needs, has the things she needs to live comfortably. And being close to the facility affords you the convenience of taking care of business easily.
I am so glad that my mother is in a facility that cares for her 24 hrs a day. But it took a significant event (ER VISIT) after being with my brother to get her there! After only 32 days he realized that he could NOT care for Mom, and all those statements of how Mom will "NEVER" be in a nursing home while I am alive statements disappeared!
When Mom was here, there were days when I would not sleep because her 'schedule' was off. In a good facility there is STAFF there 24 hrs a day to watch over her, and they are not sleep deprived! (Even if they are, they have relief in 8 hrs when the shift change happens).
Again, you are making the right decision! And if your siblings don't agree with you..so be it. You DO Know what is best for your mother and as long as you continue to 'care' for her even after her admittance, you will be doing ALL you can for her well being! Hope all goes well for you and Mom!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Educating your siblings is only possible if they WANT to be educated and actually READ the information you give them. This is not always possible UNLESS you call a family meeting. This was NOT possible in our family.
Perhaps if you can tour some facilities with any of your siblings that would help, or even 'one' at a time they should see that the level of care they get is excellent.
Here is another suggestion (that I am sure you will not want to do,but it may shake them up). Let them know that YOU need help caring for Mom and that they are going to have to have Mom move in with them for an extended period of time. I know you would not want to do this (I didn't) but it may just make them think about how their lives would be impacted.
You will need to have DPOA (durable power of attorney) and healthcare proxy to move ahead with your plans. If you don't have either, go for GUARDIANSHIP of your mother so you can make decisions for her without opposition. Talk to an elder lawyer and get all this in place.
Then look at facilities that are near to you and has the rating you are looking for. Make sure that you tour the facility (unannounced) during meal times and other times during the day. Ask about their visitor policies after your tour, and what services they offer. Even after your mother is placed,you will still need to be a BIG part of her life/routine to make sure she is getting the care she needs, has the things she needs to live comfortably. And being close to the facility affords you the convenience of taking care of business easily.
I am so glad that my mother is in a facility that cares for her 24 hrs a day. But it took a significant event (ER VISIT) after being with my brother to get her there! After only 32 days he realized that he could NOT care for Mom, and all those statements of how Mom will "NEVER" be in a nursing home while I am alive statements disappeared!
When Mom was here, there were days when I would not sleep because her 'schedule' was off. In a good facility there is STAFF there 24 hrs a day to watch over her, and they are not sleep deprived! (Even if they are, they have relief in 8 hrs when the shift change happens).
Again, you are making the right decision! And if your siblings don't agree with you..so be it. You DO Know what is best for your mother and as long as you continue to 'care' for her even after her admittance, you will be doing ALL you can for her well being! Hope all goes well for you and Mom!!