I visit my mom (with dementia) nearly everyday. Whenever I need to do things for myself or my family and need to miss seeing her one day, she makes up sicknesses and asks me to bring her something from the pharmacy (over-thecounter remedies). I recognize what she is doing and have started just saying okay, then waiting to visit her the next day as planned. She always says how lonesome she is and that she hasn't eaten in days. I know that she is eating and the staff says that she does get out and socialize with the other residents.. Does anyone else deal with this type of manipulative behavior?
When my mother was in the NH; she had more "friends" there than she would let on about. She would often call me saying no one was responding to her calls; but in fact they were. I would call the nurses station and find out what was going on. The nurses, aids, etc. were always responsive to my requests and inquiries. If I was concerned, they would go check on her.
Adjusting to living in a facility takes time; but from my experience anyway, sometimes I was advised (by a therapist) to stay away for a time and this worked. My mother became more reliant on the staff there and learned she could depend on them. If they are in a quality facility, there are many activities planned and something always going on for the resident to take part.
My mother had mental health issues and medication gave her a better life without being so anxious all the time.
Some times I just have to say "Sometimes Mom you're just going to have to be unhappy"
If I want to leave on vacation she has panic attacks. She'll need an emergency trip to the doctor right before I go and then act like a martyr and say she'll wait until I get back. Never mind that we can get some one from her AL to take her to the doctor.
My Mom isn't at the point where I can tell her I'll show up and then don't. She would be sure I'd been in a horrible accident. If I'm more than 10 minutes late she's calling me non-stop.
Try to help her as much as you can, but take care of yourself, too. If you've been there one day and she calls, tell her you'll see her tomorrow as usual. Then, remind her the professional staff is there for her needs, as well. This is tough tor you. Please keep talking it through on the forum, as you have friends here who truly understand.
Carol
If you visit almost every day and there are days you have to miss, so be it. You do what you have to do, and try not to feel guilty in spite of your mother's manipulation. Her real problem is her dementia, and you did not cause that. I'm sure you are doing your best to brighten her days. And that is all any of us can do -- our best.