My mother went into a nursing home for an infection from a splinter in her foot, she's diabetic. The staff member, title social sevice, promised her a private room and she could keep one of her pets there. She was supposed to be there for a few weeks/until her foot was healed. Once in, the staff member told her she could not have a pet but could have a family member bring one in to pet, thought maybe misunderstanding. They then kept making excuses about why she could not be released saying her sugar was too high, etc. Keep in mind my mother is claustrophobic and afraid of the dark. She has now been there for three years. All of the time not being able to have personal possessions of any value because they would be stolen, even clothes. After two years she was sexually assaulted by a staff member. My mother reported this to family members but not to the nursing home because she was afraid of retaliation. Sometimes when we would pick her up she would have bruises all over her. When we asked her what happened she would say she didnt know. If the nursing home knew we were coming she would have very good communication abilities but if we did a surprise visit to pick her up they would try and make excuses as to why she couldn't leave, no walkers, no wheel chairs and she would seem like she was very drugged, slurred speech, etc. About 5 months ago my mother called me crying very scarred stating I needed to get her out of there right now. She said she wanted up at night and a male nurse pushed her down so hard she almost flew over the other side of the bed. He told her if she tries to get up again she wouldn't like what happened to her. Called the next day to find out what happened and they said they had removed the nurse from her area and he would no longer be helping her. I had previously asked the staff member if we could take her out of there and she said we would be in trouble with Adult Protective Services if we tried. They moved my mother into smaller areas over the course of the time until the space she was in during this incident was smaller than what an inmate would get in solitary confinement. And, although she was able to walk and talk her roommate who took up 2/3 of the room was a vegetable. When she first went in she had a cell phone that contained a list of contact numbers to call family and friends who kept in touch constantly. The charge cord kept coming up missing and she was forced to use the phone in her room. We would then leave this list in her room but the list of numbers would come up missing. We would rewrite it, go back in later and it would be gone. After the call from my mother about the nurse they started taking her phone privileges. I had to call one day 9 times before they said they would put in a work order to have her phone fixed. On Mothers day when we picked her up she said she was going to ask to have her moved to a new nursing home. She told me if I did not hear from her within a couple of weeks or I was unable to reach her by phone that they had done something to her. After not hearing from her I tried to contact her and the nursing staff that answered sounded very strange and just kept saying I am so sorry what happened to your mother I am so sorry. I asked what happened and he said I cannot say. I called back hoping to get someone else and again got I am so sorry about what happened to your mother I really liked her, what happened to her I asked and they would say I cant tell you. The next day we got a hold of staff member who stated she called Adult protective services on her because she had made claims that people at the nursing home were mistreating her and because she was acting out (threat to herself or others). We contacted adult protective services who stated she took emergency guardianship of my mother based on staff call stating no one in the family outside of two family members had any contact with her the entire time she was in the nursing home. She stated my mother was put into a mental health facility and would be in there for two weeks for evaluation and then she would contact the family to have a meeting. But because of claim stated to her that no one in our family had tried to contact her she could not allow family contact Quote “since we were crawling out of the woodwork” Tried explaining we have sign in sheets at the nursing home, phone records etc, she didnt care. Two weeks went by and no call, went to Mental Hospital and asked to see my mother, she was a vegetable, just like the roommate with her. Tried next day APS said we were not allowed there. Asked APS why isn’t she being released? Stated they are reporting to her she is acting out "screaming at night for someone to help her” At this point she has been isolated with no contact to the outside world for a month now.
Wow! I've never heard such a thing!
Please tell me the rest of the story. There must be parts left out. No one goes in for a splinter and is kept permanently. Especially against the patient and families will.
How was the NH being paid. Someone would have had to give up her banking and income info. Where did she live before going in for the splinter? Was someone a payee for her monthly checks? I'm assuming she receives Social Security of some sort.
Help us out with some more info here. Maybe then, someone could offer you appropriate advice.
Keep updating, hang in there💞
The problem with the phone number list is MINOR compared to everything else that is happening. (As suggested by worriedinCali, get a small phone book or memo book and write everyone’s contact info in it and put the book in your Mom's dresser drawer.)
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is that YOU look at the OVERALL SITUATION and start to DO SOMETHING, such as moving your Mom to a different facility; filing a Report with the Ombudsmen and the Attorney General ASAP; and hiring an ATTORNEY for YOUR MOM!!
When I had a problem with a Social Service Assistant (SSA) at the Nursing Home when my Mom was residing, I CALLED the Ombudsmen Office on a FRIDAY and we set up a meeting for the next TUESDAY!!
Please contact the Ombudsmen ASAP!! Only then are you going to get some help in resolving the problem that your Mom is having at the nursing home.
I know diabetics heal slowly but that's a long time. Did you keep informed of her progress by the doctor? Didn't you ever question the length of her stay?
They have NO RIGHT to keep her. Of course they'd want to because it's financially better to have the facility full.
As I see it, this is what you should do NOW;
#1. Call the Ombudsman and arrange an immediate meeting. Get your facts in order. Leave out unnecessary details. (Mention sexual assault, threats, verbal abuse, leave out pets, phones, stealing items)
#2. Call an elder law attorney and set up a meeting for immediate assistance. If finances are a problem, call the Senior Center in your town for a low cost referral to a low cost attorney.
#3. Call the mental health facility and set up an immediate meeting with the attending psychiatrist. Ask him/her what the plan is for her. Unless she has a psychotic episode, is a threat to herself or others, etc., she can not be held against her will. Tell the doc she will be having legal representation.
#4. If you can't take her home due to her care needs, DO NOT send her back to the same Nursing Home!!! You need to do some footwork and find another more suitable NH in the area. You and she have the right to change NH's AT ANY TIME.
I am amazed at your complacency and not raising a HUGE stink. Maybe that's just how I would have handled it. You need to be much more assertive and not take what everyone says as law. Demand rights for your mother and to see her. Tell them you will get the police involved if they do not comply.
In other words, you need to be a bad *ss to advocate for your poor mom. She's waiting for you to get going on her behalf.
This really is unbelievable that it evolved as it has. Either you are missing huge chunks of her story or you both have been bamboozled.