Hi all.
My mother has cancer and we have seen her oncologist 3 times. The last time my father came with us and it was a nightmare. He now is going again tomorrow and I am resenting it.
He can barely walk and needs a wheelchair, when he walks to the wheelchair he won't use a walker or cane. He can barely get into the car and when we get in to see the doctor he doesn't seem to understand the conversation and asks questions that aren't relative to what is going on.
The trip becomes all about him and his needs. He makes inappropriate comments and unfortunately it's embarrassing. I want the focus to be on my mom when we go.
He is a very unpleasant person. My mother has esophageal cancer and he can't hear and refuses to get a hearing aid so she has to yell to get him to hear her. He also has cataracts and should not be driving.
Overall he is making the situation much worse than it has to be. It is impossible to stand up to him he is very headstrong.
Thanks.
Are you aware that your Dad very likely has the beginnings of dementia? That's how it often starts: bad hearing speeds up dementia, the brain functions badly. Bad eyesight isn't so connected to the brain. But bad hearing is very connected to the brain. You said he doesn't seem to understand what the doctors say. That's typical. I'm sure your Dad isn't stupid. He has the beginnings of dementia, that's what it is. Don't give any pills against dementia; it doesn't help. Let it be. But how about you force them to hire caregivers? They'll say no. But you force it. For example explain, even though it's not true, that you spoke to a lawyer who said you'll be held negligent of elder abuse, if you don't hire caregivers. You've been threatened with legal action. You're very worried about it, and it's best anyway for your parents to give it a try, before saying out-right no. Your parents will be doing you a favor so you're not charged with negligence and elder abuse. (It's not true, but this kind of conversation might help you).
They both need a nurse
I have found places they can get help but they won't follow through
They are like children they take each day as it comes and have never prepared for things after they are gone
I feel so bad saying that but they don't want me around so I won't be
ok enough!
this place is awesome
NeedHelpWithMom thank you for that :)
Wishing you peace. Hoping you will find the wisdom that is needed to carry on.
I don’t know if you have a support system. I hope that you do. If not, lean on us. We have all been there.
Why does your father have to come to those appointments?
He throws a tantrum?
So? So what? (I am quoting the therapist of one of our long time posters).