Well, we moved Mom into the Memory Care Facility with the small house concept and 16 maximum residents last 3/10/21. Yep, Thursday, 3/10/22 will be moving out day for her, one year to the day from when she got there. I gave it my best shot to try to get her the care she needs but it just was not available there for lots of reasons, mainly due to the caregivers.

Sure, if you can walk and talk and dress yourself and feed and toilet yourself, you will do great where Mom is! Most of the residents in her "house" can do all those things. You would think that would give the caregivers extra time to be able to work with the residents who can not do all those (or any of those) things, like my Mom. There are only three out of 15 residents who need that high level of individual care. But it did not work that way. The caregivers, for the most part, preferred to be sitting in the kitchen area on their phones, texting, instead of providing care for the residents who needed extra care. And, since my Mom can not speak, she could not ask for what she might be needing.

Mom can't walk, but constantly had bruises and cuts on her arms and legs. I once watched a couple of caregivers transfer Mom on to the toilet and it was as if they were heaving a sack of potatoes. She developed a pressure sore on her buttocks and the caregivers were told by the nurse to reposition Mom every two hours. Did they? Never when I was there which was every day for several hours at a time. They were supposed to check her for wetness every few hours since she suffered from one UTI after another. Mostly they just put her in her bed or in her recliner and left her and went about their business.

Of course, I mentioned these things to the caregivers and finally went to the Executive Director to voice my concerns about Mom's care. This went on for almost a year. Sure, promises were made that the staff would be addressed and reminded of what they should be doing. For a day or so, things would seem to get better, but then it was right back to "business as usual."

Yes I know Covid created many difficulties for community care facilities. That is why I waited until after the worst part of Covid(at the time) was over to place Mom. The facility where she lived promised that our "house" would always have a House Manager plus 2 caregivers on duty for each shift (except overnight where there would only be one caregiver). In the year Mom was there, we had a House Manager for only 4 months. The rest of the time, it was only two caregivers (and they seemed to be different people every day with the use of lots of agency caregivers),who had to cook 3 meals, tend to the residents and clean the house and do the laundry!! Not much time left for quality care.

I found a Residential Small Group Home that is actually in my neighborhood (.8 mile away) that gets wonderful reviews and has 6 residents with two caregivers. I like those odds better! The cost is also less than where she was. I hope and pray Mom gets the care here that she needs and has a chance for more socialization with residents who are more "like her".

We'll see, I guess. I am expecting some decline with the confusion of moving to a new place but she will have her furniture, pictures, etc. And I can be there every day to provide continuity. She is under Hospice care now, so that will be even more hands-on care for her. I'll post again to update on how things are going. Fingers crossed!

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So glad that you found Residential care and that it is a better fit. Often it is not a good fit in one type of facility care, and is in another. I know my friend had her Mom and a Board and Care that was run by a family, quite wonderful, and the 6 residents there were very happy.
I hope that things get better and that this remains a good fit for your Mom.
My brother was in an ALF that was also on the cottage residents model, and was in So. Cal. WONDERFUL caregivers, marvelous care, and no one sitting around on their phone. It went by levels of care, and staffed accordingly. Was just the best place. His ex partner remains in the same facility after my bro's death. I cannot say enough wonderful about them. The kind of place where every resident is convinced that he or she is the "favorite" of all the staff, and that says it ALL.
It is so sad that this isn't always the place, but just like department stores and banks, care facilities vary. Problem is that our elders can't very easily take their business elsewhere!
Best out to you.

Your mom is lucky to have a daughter like you. Keep up your dedication!

Glad u found another place. Seems to me this aides were not trained correctly. With the shortage of help maybe they just hired people who were willing to do the care but not CNAs.

So sorry you and your mom had this experience. The place has a serious lack of management. Hoping the new place is what you both need and you have peace of mind in such a hard time

Alva Deer, the facility where your brother was sounds wonderful!

Mom has been at the new place for about 3 weeks now. She has declined to the point that she is eating little to nothing at all and not really drinking, either. They are using a Hoyer lift to transfer her and continue to get her up, cleaned and dressed every day. She sleeps a lot. I visit her each day during visiting hours (1pm to 4pm) and mostly she is asleep. I will rub her legs or hold her hand while she sleeps and sometimes just talk to her.

The hospice doctor has just recently put her on a small dose of Ativan as the hospice nurse says Mom seemed in distress on one of her visits and jerks and twitches a lot. The medication seems to have helped calm the tremors and she does seem more peaceful. I just hate to have her drugged.

I know she is in the last stages and I should be prepared for whatever is to come next. After all the years of caring for Mom and studying and researching this awful disease, you would think I would be prepared for the inevitable. Knowing about it and experiencing it in person are two totally different things. I know my mother has no quality of life and is not going to get better. It all just makes me soooo sad. I just pray that this does not become a long, painful process.

reading your post was like I had written it myself. We only made it 5 months. Your description is SPOT ON to our experience.

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