I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
I'm not saying to let your house go I mean does it have to be done every day but a few times a week.
As to cleaning, I can't let it go too long. My Bernese Mtn Dog has what the vets think is an auto-immune disease. He coughs terribly, has the worst junk coming out of his nose all day long. After a bout of pneumonia, he's on very expensive antibiotics (probably forever). So I need to keep the dust and dirt down to a minimum for him. Just one more thing to deal with.
I have the same problem with Mom leaking when she sits down on the toilet, especially now - takes longer to sit with the pelvis break. I throw cheap dish towels over her jeans before we pull the diapers down. And I wash the floor a lot. I'm making Mom put her shoes on as soon as she gets up so she won't slip. When she gets in the shower, I'm always right there so she won't slip. I realize that won't work for everyone but Mom has needed help with getting in/out of the shower for so long, she just expects it now.
Yes we are with you we know it's hard.
Hang in, we're thinking of you.
Carol
Then when I finally say no I am filled up with guilt and feel bad. I am not happy and need an attitude adjustment. Anyone have any books they recommend that might help?
Signed Tierd of being angry, wore out and running out of tears.
Carol
Yes, it is always best to get your information ahead of time instead of waiting until the time actually comes and as far as relying on those who do not help with the care giving they are not there 24/7 like you are, you are important enough to do the care giving than you are important enough to make the right decisions as you see the daily decline. Please, do not second guess yourself, think about it put the facts on paper if you have to pros and cons than make your decision and stick to it, if others don't like it they will have to deal with it. If they don't want mom or dad in a nursing home they can feel free to take them out and take them home. That is what I told my husbands sister when we had to put his mom in nursing home so she did it only took her 6 years to decide it was her mother and she shold be the one taking care of her. She is also the one we split wood for and drove to another state and delivered it free of charge and couldn't even send her son out to help my husband and son unload it and we didn't even get a thank you but we know that mom was warm for that winter anyway. It takes all kinds you know what kind you are and so do I or you wouldn't be hurting the way you do, if you didn't care it wouldn't hurt. God bless all the caregivers and those we care for God sees and does not forget. Trust in yourself, God trusts you. Neon
I have learned that just because someone has dementia it doesn't preclude situational behaviours. It is true there are signs and syndromes attached to most cognitive disorders, but at the same time sometimes the answer is right in front of us. Boredom
Anne, I almost wish someone would make the decision for me to put Mom in a nursing home. Her doctors say to start thinking about it, my therapist says I already should have done it, my bothers say never do it, Mom doesn't want it -- God how do you ever decide when or if it's the right time? Perhaps in our case some of the dilemma stems from the fact that we are New England stock - extremely independent - even with the broken pelvis Mom thinks she should be able to walk without pain pills and do everything that should could before the fall.
Neon, wish you could teach me how to let go of house cleaning. I still try to stay up until after midnight to make a dent in all that needs to be done. Mostly I'm trying to keep up with finances and paying bills. The house is a mess and I feel terrible about it. Guess I can blame that on Mom. She was a Navy nurse and used to hold 'white glove' inspections when we were growing up.
And the dogs are starting to act up because we don't pay any attention to them anymore. This is just not right for a dog lover like me!
Mom lives 200 miles away, and we are driving there today for a consult with her Cancer Surgeon, which will operate asap. Thank God for the nursing home and for Dad doing so much better, since we will be focusing on her immediate health needs for the foreseable future. Just as we were getting ready to move her closer to her husband, she was diagnosed with Cancer, on top of disc problems in her back, cysts on her kidneys, and Emphysema. She still lives in her own too-large home, and we're the closest relatives to care for her. Sad when parents start declining.
all she does is sit in front of that darn T.V. all day (when she's not pooping on the floor). We actually got her to wear underwear finally. She refuses to wear adult diapers. She eats a lot of sweets also. Her dementia is getting worse, along with her hearing and eyesight. The T.V. blasts all day and drives us nuts. She won't go to the ear specialists or to day care. It's real difficult to get her to even go out on the porch and sit in the swing. Her paranoia is getting worse day by day. Always locking the doors (even during the day) We live in a rural area where there's no crime. I think she is just afraid of dying. We try talking to her and reassuring her that everything will be alright, but she is very distrustful of everyone. I feel like my life has been put on hold and is passing me by. I know that this too shall pass and it is my faith getting me through it. God bless you all and thanks for reading.
It sounds as if you have a handful right now. I was in exactly the same place as you six years ago. I kept my mother at home
Naus, Colorado is beautiful, too. Hope to see it again someday. Lake Michigan is my favorite; both sides of Mackinaw Bridge. I live in lower; vacation in upper. Can't wait till July and August and to have my toes in the sand on my fave beach. We still have snow, and no crocuses yet. Hawaii sounds nice right now. And sleep. Good night all! Happy Lord's day!