I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
Anne, so what we get for staying up so late! LOL
Nauseated
January 7 she came down with a bloody nose that would not quit and her blood sugar was 375! Off to the hospital and it was discovered she had a platelet count of 3! They tried for 2 weeks with 6 blood transfusions and 5 platelet transfusions. Bone marrow biospy came back neg. Finally the docs were able to get it up to acceptable levels. The medicine they gave her made her sick. Then she was transfered to a rehab because she had not walked or even stood up for almost 3 weeks. When she found out she was going to the rehab, she called me and was screaming at me that it was my choice for her to go there and hung up on me. It was the doc who ordered it, not me! After being in the rehab for about 2 weeks, (which was a very good one in this area) she climbed over the bed rail and fell in the bathroom. Back to the hospital and more tests for fractures, stroke and blood. More blood transfusions. After 2 weeks back to the rehab. I went every day to the hospital and the rehab (I was laid off from my job christmas week).
Anyway, she was released March 10, only 5 days ago. They told me she was continent and could walk with a walker 250'. They showed me how to move her and ways to assist her. We have been to her doctor and a nurse , physical therapist, health care aide, and social worker are all scheduled to come to my house.
Well, things are very bad. She has fallen twice with me and my friend right there....she just let go of the walker. She never tells me she needs the toilet. My entire house is being peed on. I walk around washing floors, carpets, chairs, everything. The washer goes constantly. She won't eat! I sit for 2 hours each meal to get 2 bites into her. I have a wheelchair for her because I am afraid she is going to get hurt. Rehab recommended it. She cannot get up out of a chair or bed yet at 7:30 am today she got out of bed (I checked her at 7 and she was fast asleep), went to the bathroom and took off her diaper (put it in the sink)peed all over the floor, went back to her room took all her wet clothes off and was sitting in the wheelchair! Today she slept all day in the chair after she did eat a very small brarkfast and I washed her and changed all her clothes for the second time in 2 hours. I woke her several times to talk and ask her if she need the bathroom and she just went back to sleep. With the aid of my friend and adult son we decided she she go to the bathroom around noon. Well it took 3 of us 20 minutes to walk her with the walker 15 feet and another 15 minutes to get her on the toilet. THe wheelchair seat was dripping all over my house! Oh my, I don't think I can do this.
She has gotten up 2 times in 5 days when she knew I was in bed late at night and walked herself to the kitchen and bath without any walker or wheelchair, yet when I am around she cannot do anything. Does anyone know why this can be? I feel she is pulling my strings and not cooperating at all. I told her today she must eat and tell me when she needs the bathroom. She sneered at me with her eyes squinted and lifter her head to turn away. I don't know what is going on.
I am up at 7 and on my feet taking care of Mom till at least 10:30 and getting no sleep at night because sometimes calls for me at night or I hear something. My back is shot and very painfull. I have very uncooperative brother and he is not going to help. Oh, any info would HELP. Thanks
You wouldn't believe how God answered your prayers, Austin! I couldn't sleep the night before my trip, and watched the clock till 5 AM. So I didn't leave early. I missed lunch with my girlfriend. But I slept in, and took an leisurely 200 mile drive down, even stopped at Goodwill for some shopping on the way. Bought my wonderful 8 year old boy a awesome pair of jeans for $2.00 -there really is a God! I went to the bank and things went smooth, and got good news about something that I've feared and worried about for months. Then met a recently widowed friend for the first time (her husband was a friend of my Dad). When I got there, she handed me a book about caregiving she had picked up for me. Then, she took me to a really nice place for dinner, paid for it, and invited me to stay at her beautiful home all night, and made breakfast in the morning to see me on my way. We're talking 5 star hospitality, "adoptive sister," and blessed friendship! Then today I went to my other friend's home, who helped take the rest of the world off my shoulders, by teaching me how to do the Fiduciary paperwork for the court (due soon), who also saved me $$$$$$ by not having to hiring an accountant. She fed me a wonderful lunch and gave me a plant cutting. She even tried to send food home for my husband as well. Wow! My hubby and son went winter camping this weekend, and didn't feel neglected, and I got girlfriend time. Did I get the major blessings or what?! Then when I arrived back north, visited the Dads at the Nursing Home, to find they were still both doing well. While I was down state, I bought my Mom some food for her dog, left her some cash and a couple grocery cards, and didn't even have to argue with her (she wasn't there! lol). So I got to be a blessing to her without her prior knowledge, and got no resistance or grief, because she was out with her girlfriend. Instead of the usual drudgery and chores, I got to "play angel," and got ministered to by angels. God is good! and I am doing better than I deserve. Tuesday (two days) my family goes back down for Mom's Surgery consult. Will keep you posted. Thanks again for your prayers, everyone. Take care of yourselves! I'm praying God blesses you, too.
I have not had time to catch up with comments. It takes 20 minutes to get Mom from her bedroom to the den. Promise I will catch up over the weekend.
Isn't it funny when our loved ones have all the issues we are dealing with the love to get undressed.? When I was two as the story goes, I would take all my clothes off in the summer time, climb up on the fence and yell hi to the boys down the street haha no I don't do that anymore. But little kids and old kids just hate clothes don't they? Maybe its just being comfortable? I sure hope my mom doesn't start that there's a lot of flesh there to see. LOL You ll have a great week end and I will stop in later today to see whats new.
Austin, Great for you you keep up the good work you are doing Awesome and you deserve it. Yes we will take your husband to Oz and hook himup with the Tin Man , and say lots of prayers maybe with some time away from you he will realize how much he relies on you loves you an needs you and today for some reason I can't type worth a flip. Neon
Breakdown, praying for your situation, that both will get some help, and you relief.
Naus, thanks for your prayers. My Mom called tonight to ask when I'm coming. I didn't tell her I'm coming tomorrow. I'm meeting a girlfriend for lunch, doing business in the afternoon, going out with a girlfriend for dinner, and maybe staying the night with said friend. On Saturday Mom has to leave for hours, and I could do lots of business at her house finding lost keys, searching through paperwork, etc. and I could do some surprise shopping for her, before blowing back out of town to see my hubby and son again. That way I'm doing my duty to Mom, but don't have to do her bidding too. We are all driving back down on Tuesday for her consultation with a surgeon prior to breast cancer surgery. (As Guardian, I want to hear what the surgeon says, and what to expect...)
Neon, always the life of the party! Thanks everyone! Pray for my attitude with my Mom, because I'll be in her house, and she is upset about upcoming surgery and also in a lot of pain. I need to be compassionate, and will be vulnerable because my steady hubby and son won't be along this trip. I'm building in escape plans just in case! (And surrounding myself with wonderful friends.) Mom is too, but poor Mom! Too much. First her husband gets put in a nursing home, and she was just getting ready to move by him. Now she has cancer that must be dealt with asap. I won't tell her I'm coming until I am close by, because it just works better that way. Thanks for reading and for sharing.
But if he does I would start by putting your brother in assisted living regardless of what dad says it is stressful and a burden for him especially if he is having health issues. Than if Dad feels he needs to assist your brother perhaps there would be a place in the same facility for your Dad. this is sure a hard one I am so sorry there are so many self centered people in this society of ours but one day when they least expect it It will show up on their doorstep to. I hope I could be of some encouragement to you. If you Dad is having some heath issues and he is adamant about your brother not going he will put up some kind of fight, verbally, but if he cannot continue to care for your father that should be short lived. Take care Neon
my gut says run...lol
but my heart says this is mine to bear... just spoke with the family... they have a personal care person coming in to care for my dad... no medical background... no one to monitor his meds just take him to where he needs to go doc appts, grocery store ect... only 4 hours a day... which is funny cause he does everything but doc appts on his own when she is gone...
Now he wants me to start taking over again... my sister says she is only going to help him when he is ready to go into assisted living... nothing else... she found out although she is the excutor she has not leagal authority to get him the medical assistance he needs... she tossed the whole we only did this because you said you were done... and I did... it seems to be the only way she or anyone else in the family will step up... sad when I think about it... so I guess I wont being going to Mexico... not sure I want to be around this attitude... I am desparately trying not to get angry and go off...
As for my Dad... I feel for him... but he will not get the assistance he needs and is becoming completely dependant on me... with my business and life in general already stressing me out... I am not sure how to proceed with him... for a year now I have been trying to get the family on board to place my 55 year old disabled brother in assised living...he currently lives with my dad... he is one excuse why my dad doesn't want to go to assisted living... he says he has to care for him... then the plan to target getting my dad in assisted living... No one hears this... I am so frustrated I could scream... it seems now that my sister is being her typically selfcentered self... If this is going to happen it will all be up to me...
RUN .... RUN... RUN... lol
someone please advise if you have any suggestions... both members of my family need assistance... how would you suggest I help them to see they need to move on...
Carol
Anne, you are very fortunate indeed. I too am lucky, my husband is wonderful too. We just celebrated our 25 years together, and he spoils me rotten. He is my best friend, my rock, and over the years has taught me so many things and has helped me to grow. But just sometimes, can be a royal pain in my ass, as I'm certain I can be too.
To all of you a good morning, and have a wonderful day! Hugs to you all! Nauseated