I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
You're 2/3rd of the way there, great progress you've made to handle whatever comes your way. Your clarity is impressive. You already know what many still have to learn: Our worries, frustrations and concerns will not stop the march of time. One day at a time is all any of us have. You're making the best of a bad situation. Carry on, and the best to you from all of us.
I am glad you found this site. With all that you are dealing with it is good to find others who understand a bit. When I first found this site it was such a relief to not have to explain MRSA or anything else - we can truly empathize and understand the sheer magnitude of what you are going through. Even one day at a time can be difficult when you are facing your husband's illness and all the emotions that go into coping and trying to redirect your energies where they are needed. Words can't describe it - and here on this site we can read between the lines. It is late, so I am the first to say hi, but rest assured there are many people who have similar experiences. This site is safe place to ask anything - even if you just really need someone to say hi so you don't feel so alone.
You take care - there is no timeline for grief, and there are alot of people who understand. Please stay a while and join us. It is good to meet you.
neon
have fun glad surprises are surprises and wonderful. Yeah find some music they used to like he can reminise (sp) about the old days and its okay if he gets a little meloncoly (sp) but at least he can remember some good things to. That would be a great gift for him his own cd player with some special cd's you can find on ebay or amazon.
Sorry about whining a couple of days ago. I should have typed it and deleted it!!!! Thanks for all of the advice that you gave me. I really appreciated it.
Karen
I moved my parents here over two years ago from Baltimore I live in Ga. I have a brother who lives in MD about 1 1/2 hours drive from where they lived and he hadn't been to see them in 10 years. When I lived in N C I would go up at least every 3 months and it was a good 8 hour trip. I even brought them down for a two week vacation. Now mind you Ihave never had a great relationship either of them but I knew from the time I was a little girl I would always have to be there and there is a lot of stuff inbetween these years that needn't go into. Well soon after I brought them here and Ihad everything ready I knew they only made a little bit of social security to live on because neither of them ever wanted to work they want the good things in life but don't want to work, well I'm so sick of working I could just throw up. Anyway this May Dad will be dead 2 years so I had some time with him 8 months and it was a good thing I brought them here. I got them HUD houseing reduced electric, food stamps etc the apartment was two bedrooms and very nice and the land lady had their rent down to 109.00 a month they had inspection every three months, which my mother hated which meant she had to get off her ass and do something. Well she came up with this outrageous story that I investigated that the 87 year old lady next door with dementia was having men in and they played a band almost every night and she just couldn't stand the noise anymore so could she move in with me. Well there was no band i was hoping there was I sure miss dancing and the men were relatives who took turns with their wives staying with the old lady. So mother has moved in with me since then I took her to a hearing doc and had hearing tested, her hearing is so bad she isn't even a candidate for a hearing aid she can't see won't have the cataracts removed and I noticed this week, she has forgotten how to use the oven, can't remember how to use the microwave, plus lots of other things. She is a self centered person always has been and I do get frustrated about two min after I walk into the door. I am two years to retirement and hope I get to make it but I sure would love a respite. I've been working full time since I was 15 and I'm tired of working especially when all she does is sit and If you can find someone to help you that is the best thing to do seems all my life I've been moving my parents to and fro gets old after awhile. If all else fails and your mother is on medicare/medicaid to to walmart for those 4.00 prescriptions I had to have my doctor rewrite my prescriptions so I could do that and I have insurance but this way I save close to 800.00 a year. Since I've moved my parents down here and have been going like the energizer bunny I now have High blood Pressue, 30 % blockage of my heart high cholesterol and take something for my nerves and to sleep and of course menopause, I'm like a walking pharmacy. LOL I take more medicine than my mother but than she knows more than the doctor does so she isn't going to take anything she doesn't agree with him about and it doesn't make any difference what doctor or what state. Also, its my fault she has lost her husband and has to live like this which by the way Ihave a very nice home or should say I had a very nice home until she got so destructive I should have left them in MD. You know what I think thats the first right thing she said in her entire life. Good luck to you. Live your life you have your daughter to think about and these are very formative years for her. don't let her grow up thinking you thought more of your parents than her you brought her into this world love her to death. I hope I have encouraged you somewhat Upward and onward. Neon
Thanks for the tip about elder attorneys. You found a good one, and thank God were able to save assets for yourself because of your disability. I will have to remember that, as I have a disabled son.
Everyone, be very careful to check out the elder attorney or estate attorney. Ask for references, as you would anything else. You, Angel, found a good one and got what is due to you. God bless you and your family. Thanks for the encouragement and please keep coming back to the site. We all need each other.
Carol
Sandi, thank you for your kind reply! It truly means a lot!
Lisa, sounds like you're on the right track!
Anne . . . I know what you mean about the venting and writing! LOL! Sometimes, it just feels good to let it all out . . . even if no one else sees it. But, if you want to talk - as you can tell, there are friends here to listen!
Last night I spent a long time writing the biggest vent, and was kind of embarrassed about it. But it didn't post, even though I had logged in first. Phew! My husband said, "Some things only your computer should know..." lol