I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
Blessings,
Carol
Please try not to argue with someone who has a failing memory. It just leads to both parties being upset. Unless it directly involves their safety, try your best to just let it pass. They can't help it but you can soothe things over by just letting it pass after one attempt to help them remember. Let them think you are wrong, after awhile it doesn't hurt any more. After all, we're there to help them, not help ourselves.
My Mother's forgetfulness is reaching epidemic proportions which does cause more frustrations all around but there is no recovering that memory, we just have to deal with it. Yes, we naturally don't like to be called a liar but the way to prevent that is to not make an issue of what they lose or forget. It doesn't gain anything in the long run to have these confrontations but it is sure difficult to change our own reactions to others and just turn loose and let some things slide by.
Basically, it's called 'survival.' Adapt, adjust, learn to live with what is and not what was. You'll feel better about things if you can reach that state of mind.
Remember, they're the child now and we can't be punishing them verbally or otherwise for what they no longer know.
I won't bore you with the trials ands tribulations I'm going through trying to get Mother's income tax documents together, but I will say this: Had I known that she had decided to protect herself from identiy theft by shredding everything that came in the mail that had her SS number on it, I might not be chasing around now trying to get duplicates of all those documents. She got confused about things she was hearing on TV and decided she'd not sit by and let that happen to her. :) But, within a week she had forgotten about doing all that shredding. Just smile, do what has to be done, we can't change what has already happened.
You are one strong, clear minded sistah!!! I wish I had that kind of moxi!
I still feel like a alone , lost child ...trying to deal with reality comin at me full force.
My momz is 81...and the memory is getting worse...she is forgetting things and when I tell her what happened that afternoon( the thing she forgot) she argues that she never said , or did it!
Sometimes she recalls it, but I am having to argue more. I am afraid of the unknown...is it what I am fearing? alzheimers?dementia?
Anywayz...I am just begining to recover from dealing with her , after having shoulder surgeory. Shes healing beautifully, but I have never felt such aloneness in my life during that time....My friends, 1 I counted on for verbal support....didn't truly want to be bothered with me, and was there on the phone... but I could tell wanted to deal with her life and her life only at that time.
The other, never asked about my momz...nor does she when we do speak....
It was just me and Jesus...a lot of tears, and emotional pain...yet I got through it, and so did momz.
Now this... I know this isnt much compared to many of you ladies and your situations....but I just had to say it..." I am scared , and I am angry " Scared of whats happeneing( momz memory loss) and angry( because I am constantly reminding her or trying too... constantly answering the same questions, constantly explaining why, when, where....and constantly feeling like a liar( cause she doesnt believe me on things) I am alone in this.
I know there are meds to help, but thats all I know about it.
I just wish I could have a life....after coming so far from my own illness, situations... I am 41 , single, no kids...which I want desperaetly....will i get a chance?
Sorry guys feeling a little sorry for myself tonight.
I, too, am a caregiver to my father. He is at n-stage Alzheimer's Disease and has lived with me for the past seven (7) years. Oh the stories I could share over these past seven (7) years! LOL! I am not an only child; however, one would think I was given my brother does nothing for daddy or for me for that matter. I do have one son and he is fantastic with grandpa. He and his wife. They are always available to help me out.
I have used so many agencies, I doubted there were any left. None gave the care I wanted daddy to have and they charged a small fortune. I finally, after many tears and many nights filled with curses, followed my dear hubby's advice and started my own agency. Now, not only do I take of daddy, but I also provide care to numerous other patients throughout the day. I have become the "go to gal" when AD is involved!
Is it hard? Yep! Is it worth it? You bet it is! Would I trade one day of it? Not on your life!
If anyone gets to the end of their rope, email me or contact me, or whatever. I am a pretty good listener, a great cheerleader, and sometimes have a solution or two up my sleeve!
Take care of you. Give yourself permission to not always be happy you are a caregiver and take time for you, no matter when you take it, or where! Soemtimes the good Lord provides blessings in the strangest places!
You are strong for just living your life in the midst of it....You have courage...we all do....we just need to a pat on the back sometimes, for someone to say" well done","youre not alone","and go ahead complain , get pissed,it is unfair.!""its ok to cry"- then we can find the next moment a little more bearable.
This is a good place to get the comfort we need.
God Bless,
enjoy your time out.
mslisadoll
You are NOT a cry baby.... your feelings are valid...I know cause I get that to!!!
Same kinda words...add some cussing in too. bECAUSE OF THE FEW TIMES i HAVE READ THE MESSAGES ON THIS SITE, I feel I have gained the guts to say...WE ARE ALL GREAT KIDS!! No one else would put up with it... sometimes I feel like my life is over, even though I have never really had one.
But God says he will reward us.(We are all his angels...his angels on earth...that means you too!...) and in a way with this site, us coming together ...he is.
You are not alone. and please don't feel anything but relief when you post here. We are here for each other, and you have alot to offer with all your experiances.
I like to quote Cat, she calls this "our charmed circle". you will meet alot of people who feel the way you do and we are here to uplift each other and support our good and bad days.
So keep posting and let everyone know how you are doing. God Bless.
I also feel alone and like the world is on my shoulders. I am 41 but because much of my younger days were filled with illness that with the help of God I have managed to live through...I am not a typical 41 year old. My life has been riddled with abuse...mostly mental/verbal, poverty....I grew up watching my momz have to fight my father ..for both of our lives.
My dad died when I was 14. I quit school ( was bullied tremendously) ...I have gone on to get a ged, and start my online fashion design shoppe( not much $ but its something) I learned to drive a year 1/2 ago...got a car too.
Now momz is getting older, forgetting more, and getting meaner( verbally abusive...what more??)
I love her, and I know I will be there for her no matter waht...as she has been for me... its just that it hurts... it hurts to never do anything right, but always be called on to do something. It hurts to be critized, put down... ( it always has) but now , there is no Im sorry--only I didnt say that!( she forgets)
The forgetfulness is getting worse... and I am tired. I go througfh severe pmdd , which dont help the situation.
My friends arent there....I really dont have any. Family never was , and isnt there for me.
I pray, and cry a lot....So Roxie...I know what youre goin through. i FEELYA GURL!
mAYBE WE WILL FIND THE LOVE AND SUPPORT, AND FRIENDSHIP HERE?
I hope so.
I feel guilty I even said anything ( do you guys get that feeling too?)
Anyway , God Bless you Rox...and all you guys!
Cause your sharing your stories are blessing me...To know I am not alone.
Sabrina/brilliantinax
Thanks for the reminder to laugh. Yesterday was a mess. Miscommunication between family members about what to do about my clients husbands abscessed tooth. His health has been declining for the past month or so, and some days I am taking care of both of them.
I finally get him to the dentist, she did a root canal AND pulled the tooth. I was livid. It is in his medical statements that he is to go to an oral surgeon because he is a free bleeder!!!!
The dentist got stupid, I got even stupider and then had to go home and call the daughter. I had to explain the dentist never came out and spoke with me about any procedures she was going to do. I would have stopped her had I known.
The daughter got on the phone with the dentist and it got ugly. And the whole time my client is griping that it is taking too long, she was tired, blah, blah, blah.
So my day was crazy. On the way home, the song by Carly Simon , You Think This Song Is About You, came on the radio. I laughed all the way home, because I couldn't decide if I wanted to dedicate the song to my client or to myself!!!!!!!
So we really need to laugh at ourselves first. I take myself way too serious and then something happens to get me to lighten up.
God Bless us all!!!!!
Let him sulk he probably won't remember it when he wakes up anyway. I know in the last two years my cholesterol won't go down, now I have HB and take two of those lovely little zombie tablets and I have a 30% blockage in my heart not to mention my nerves or what I have left of them. I have made my mind up and it won't be long when the time comes thats what they are there for she is going. I am only one person, the hired help who doesn't get payment its all about her always has been and will be till the end. I know I sound crass but it is what it is if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck its gotta be a duck. Its always my fault probably just like you no matter what the subject is. I wonder what it's like to be perfect oh well I'll never know no sense wondering about that there is mother to take care of LOL and thats the way it is Tues. Feb 17, 2009. don't give up on yourself you have already shown who you are and you are Fabulous!! I know I am how do you like that for boosting your self. I do it all the time or I wouldn't be able to cope. neon
Don't feel bad. I gave up everything to move in with my mother also. She and my stepfather left everything and I mean EVERYTHING (even their cash assets) to my daughter, who they claim they had raised simply because she'd spend a few weeks here and there with them during her lifetime