No question... I just wanted to express my regret for having just snapped at my wife who keeps admonishing me of things I do that annoy her.

OldArkie,

You're human just like everyone else. None of us has an unlimited supply of saintly patience that can be maintained 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Telling your wife to shut up once in a while is not going to kill her. The fact that she was hurt and got up and went into the other room means that she still possesses some level of self-awareness.
If you're planning on keeping her at home and being her caregiver, you are going to have to learn how to ignore with love. Otherwise you will lose it yourself.
There has to be times when you completely ignore her. Nevermind how you think it will make her feel. She'll get over it and forget about it. Times when you ignore her to the point where you do not speak to her or even acknowledge that she's there. This is a coping mechanism that I had to learn when caring for elderly people with dementia. When you're in a house with someone who repeats the same question over and over, or makes the same snide and hurtful comments, or who tries to instigate trouble, or who is spreading the negativity and misery around hour after hour, and those hours are long, this becomes a high-risk situation for elder abuse.
You have to learn the ignoring. Make sure she's not getting into trouble or danger, but other than that totally ignore her sometimes.
This will help you cope. I've known many a good caregiver who were great people that did their best every day. Never lost their temper even slightly. Never told someone to 'shut up'. Never ignored them. Always maintained the patience level of a saint. Until the didn't and finally lost it. Then the elder gets slapped around. Or shoved to the ground. Or worse.
You live in abuse. Whether or not the abuse is dementia related really doesn't make much difference because you're still living with it.
How about exploring some care facilities for your wife? Just check some out. Or some homecare services? Or send her to adult daycare a few days a week?
Just go ahead and do it. She probably will not want to go or doesn't want homecare aides coming to your house.

Too bad. It's not her decision to make.

You need a break from her before your situation becomes high-risk for both of you.

I understand how you feel, you apologized and I'm sure you really meant it. But if there's a caregiver out there who's never made a mistake or lost their cool at least once, I'll nominate them for the Medal of Honor.

To err is human...

May be old fashioned, but who doesn't like flowers as an apology?

Oldarkie,
if I recall correctly you posted before that your wife did not want any outside help and you were doing caregiving alone.
Apologies if I am wrong about it and I hope I am wrong.
But if you are not getting time for yourself, or enough time you need more.
Do not feel guilty.
I was so involved with my husband’s disease if I continued I would be screaming every day.
But, this year after 2 surgeries and lots of care, losing appetite, no sleeping, I had to get help and put myself first.
Professional advise of detachment thru anticipatory grief was right for me, I can accept now and move on ( not always), anger returns but less, as I concentrate more on my life.

Cover 999:
She has Alzheimer's; I don't! Her capacity is diminished and her ability for reasonable thought is likewise. I was mostly concerned that I might be losing my ability to maintain my composure in every situation, no matter how irritating they may get. I owe her that!

Cover, are you a bot? Humans can't possibly come up with comment after comment after COMMENT that are THIS obnoxious, I don't think.

Arkie, you very well MAY do this again and again if you are going to be the sole 24/7 caregiver to a woman with advancing AD. What's your plan to get respite for yourself so you're not plagued with burn out and compassion fatigue? You're better off taking a realistic approach to this situation rather than publicly beating yourself up for biting off more than you can chew. Failure to plan is a plan to fail. You can't possibly do this all alone...its too much. Admit that and find help to come in so you can get out for a few hours a day. That will help relieve the tension and resentment that naturally builds up when you're trapped in such a role alone all the time. Recognize what's happening and take steps to alleviate your stress. AD affects both of you and can wind up killing YOU before HER if you're not careful. #Truth.

Please listen up and let this be your wake up call.

I’m in a different boat with an adult son with a lifelong hypoxic brain injury. Too many times I’ve snapped with something I immediately regretted saying. All we can do is apologize and silently vow to do better. Our overall actions demonstrate our love and I’m sure your wife knows your love and care. And please know that apparently poster Cover999 has neither tact nor soul

Even though you apologized, go to her, hold her and hug her. Tell her you love her and will try to do better in the future. Some things may still get through to to her. Showing your love for her can go a long way.

Although my wife is only in the early stages of dementia and fairly competent, I’ve been where you are. What I said above has helped us. God Bless!

Please do not beat yourself up. I kept telling myself that Mom would forget. You are caring for someone who can no longer be reasoned with or has empathy. Cannot appreciate what you do every day for her. Staying with her for one thing. I told myself I was not going to let myself feel guilty. I was the one caring physically for my Mom. I was the one dealing with the late night wanderings. I was the one doing everything while my siblings went on with their lives. Forgive yourself and go from there. I did eventually place Mom in an AL. It was good for her and for me.

Remember that we are human. It is difficult to maintain your composure every minute and no one on this earth is perfect in ANYTHING, especially emotional reactions. I have expressed frustration to my mom, who has dementia. I guess, if there is a silver lining, is that she does not remember and is incapable of holding it against me. Tomorrow will be another day to reach for patience.

Sometimes Cover makes you wonder if he also has 'the ability to show empathy'.

Again...she has Dementia. Have you not cared for someone with Dementia.

Really Cover, she has Dementia. She can no longer be reasoned with and does not have the ability to show empathy.

We all have some moments of losing it.
We try to do better. Emphasis on trying. Not always succeeding.
Caregiving is emotional roller coaster.
Do something nice for both of you, nice dinner, good movie?

Is she going to apologize to him?

Why feel bad? She didn't care if you felt bad when she got on you about things you do to annoy her.

There's not a hands on caregiver out there who cannot sympathize with your frustration and burnout. You apologized. Glad you will try to keep it under control a bit more. But there's no need to beat yourself up. No one is harder on the caregiver than the caregiver him or herself. My heart goes out to you both.