On My Mind

Need and GA: A while back I had an appointment at my opthamologist's optical shop to purchase new eyeglasses and sunglasses. Made very quick selections, else I'd be there forever. Also, my DH gave me on tip on no separate nose pads. He was right.

GA: I have seen Riverdance and it was very uplifting. One couldn't help but leave there in a positive mood - if they were down.

EB: Sending prayers for your biopsy and positive results.

I have a pair of readers, first ones I ever got, that I love. They are rimless, just the 1.25 material where the edges are etched. Wanted stronger rx in those. The price?! $350.00! The buffing and etching quite a time consuming and difficult process. I guess I will go with the 2 for $20.00 Foster Grants from Walgreens when they are on sale. Don't get the Wally world 3fer15 deal. They last long enough but the frame quAlity is terrible. The finish rubs off and you will be left with clear frames when the bows are about to break because they can no longer be tightened.

Hi NeedHelp,
How was your shopping experience with pants? Hope you found the right size.
I love sun dresses One of my all time favorites is about 20 years old and it still looks new. It is pretty blue and navy color with small white pearls at the neckline, 100% cotton. It is the most comfortable cotton dress I ever had. I was at a store the other day and a young woman kept looking at me and fianlly told me she loved my dress and it was her kind of style. I told her it was old but my favorite.

Talked with nurse navigator yesterday. What do I bring, not bring? What do I need to have at home when I return? Can post up be moved up, so in can return home sooner?

She wants to make sure this is the route I want to take. So many women get terribly emotional when facing this. I really have not been at all.

The thing that is hardest is the impact on my kids lives. And coming to the realization that I will really need help. Had to tell some neighbors for lawn care help, checking mail, checking in on Ming. It is hard for me to depend on anyone.
This. Hits. Hard.
The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.
Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.
From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.
From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.
From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.
From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when s*** got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.
From all the lies and all the betrayals.
You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.
Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.
You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?
You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.
Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.
So, you don’t trust anyone.
And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.
To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.
“Never again,” you vow.
But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.
Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.
Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.
It’s a trauma response.
The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.
You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.
You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.
You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.
You are worthy.
Worthy.
Simply because you exist.
-Jamila White, @inspiredjamila

Amen

(((((((glad)))))) - this is your path - no one else's. I would want to be home as soon as possible too. I completely understand your difficulty in needing help. Facing that and learning - slowly - is good . It's not comfortable, I know.

Wonderful expressive writing. One thing I would add is that no one is perfect so even a truly very good friend can let you down or hurt you unintentionally - but not regularly or often.

You are definitely worthy of love and support! You are on the hearts of many as you go through this trial. More ((((((((hugs))))))) 💛💛💛

Hello glad,
Thinking of you this morning. Sending you a special prayer and big hug.
Early

Sending many hugs your way, Glad.

EB,

I did find my size in pants. I don’t know about where you are but some of our stores are so warm inside, especially the fitting rooms. So, I hate trying things on in the store. We get so hot here in New Orleans!

I do like casual dresses for the summer. You’re right, the style doesn’t change much so you can wear them season after season.

Glad, that was beautiful......very well written. I've got so many scabs over my old heart that anyone who wants near it needs to prepare to pick away at them. (gross analogy) right? But true nonetheless.

Glad, you've got this. You are in my prayers.

Glad: Prayers going out to you tonight. Your words were not only true, but very moving.💚

Glad, your insights are emotional, tender, realistic, sobering, and inspirational.    Your analytical capabilities in putting the situation in perspective are admirable.

You'll be in my thoughts as well, and I'll be looking forward to another post from a very determined, rational, adaptable and compassionate woman.

May peace accompany you through this journey.

Llamalover,

You wrote about advice your DH gave you on separate nose pads for glasses.  I probably missed any earlier comments as I don't visit this thread that often.   But could you share that advice?   I'd had nosepad problems with my glasses and am really getting tired of it.

Thanks.

I flirted with the idea of going back to glasses without nose pads because it's what is is currently "new" in fashion. Since I read a lot I have a dedicated pair for reading and I did select a frame like that for those and I am so, so glad they are not the ones I wear all day...... anybody remember the movie "The Jerk" with Steve Martin?

Yes, I remember ‘The Jerk.’ Funny movie, cwille.

So, our mayor just came on television. It’s not mandatory at this time, but is highly recommended for us to start wearing masks indoors again, even if fully vaccinated. Our COVID cases are rising. It is predominantly the new variants. The mayor was begging people to get vaccinated.

My daughter in Denver, was surprised when she recently tested positive for COVID after being fully vaccinated. She was vaccinated months ago. Breakthrough cases are happening. Thankfully, the symptoms aren’t as severe as non vaccinated people.

It’s frustrating. Stay safe and well, everyone.

And we're opening the border to you 🤔.
IMO it's just as well you aren't doing the same, vaccinated people up here are starting to act as though they're invincible now.

cwille,

Yeah, some people are feeling invincible. In some cases, it is a false sense of security. The Delta variant is more contagious and more aggressive.

GA: My new eyeglasses and rx sunglasses are all one piece, e.g. the nose pieces are a part of the frame. They're wonderful - a very good piece of advice from my DH. The old eyeglasses had nose pieces that had tiny screws. They always keep slipping because in order to tighten the screws, you had to be wearing the glasses. Hope that helps you, Garden. You're welcome.

Okay, I have heard it all now! All of us have crazy family members. This proves it! I just got off the phone with my cousin.

I realize that my cousin loves her eight year old granddaughter, If I had grandchildren, of course, I would love them too. Her granddaughter got COVID and my cousin spent the night with her, in the same bed, because her granddaughter was scared. That is crazy! My cousin is in her 60’s. Wait, it gets worse. then she went home the next day to her significant other and slept with him! Can it get any worse? Oh, yes. It can. They are all anti vaxers! None of them have been vaccinated!

Just the other day, she called me and asked, “Do you want to go get lunch soon?” No, I don’t! Breakthrough COVID cases are happening here in Louisiana among those of us who have been vaccinated. I don’t want to be around her. She is not being considerate to others. She is exposed to COVID and doesn’t quarantine. That’s crazy and also causes COVID to spread.

Need: Wow! That is nuts! That is rather bold of your cousin to invite you to go out to lunch when she and her family are all anti vaxxers. She is not respectful.

Llama,

It’s sad, isn’t it? And this is why COVID cases are rising! As long as people like my cousin are behaving irresponsibly, it will continue to get worse. They aren’t taking it seriously. It’s total ignorance! How can they ignore the enormous amount of people who have died from COVID? Ochsner just released stats, we have an increase of people in our hospitals. Most are ones that haven’t been vaccinated, but even people who have been vaccinated are in the hospitals. People that have underlying health issues are at the greatest risk.

Need: Yes, it is very sad! That Delta Variant is going to be scary for the people who aren't vaccinated. How is your daughter and yes, I know she is vaccinated. Going to bed soon as DH has hernia surgery in the morning.

Llama,

She is feeling better, but says she is extremely tired. I guess it will take awhile to regain her energy.

Sending prayers for your husband.

Need: Wow. I am so sorry that your daughter is very tired, but I am glad that she's feeling better. I'll pray for her. Thank you for your prayers for my husband. I appreciate it.

Thanks so much. Llama.

Need: You're welcome.

Thank you for the support and good wishes all. On my way. Will be back soon.