Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
send - glad you got your plumbing fixed and early happy birthday.

Thx cw, My puttering away at downsizing actually has accomplished a reasonable amount. But I still have more to do.
(4)
Report

Great news Golden! 😻
(3)
Report

Golden....as long as Rocky is with you,She'll be A-OK,I'm sure.
That's wonderful youv'e found a new place and you took the big step~
GOOD JOB!

&

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EARLY SEND!
(7)
Report

Congratulations Golden on the new home! Happy early Birthday Send!

Long gloomy day in Illinois! Poured rain all day. My son picked up our new van today. Wheelchair accessible, so he'll be able to take me out sometimes. My first outing will be to my grandson's ice hockey game Saturday afternoon if doctor approves me going out. My stepson and his wife left to go back to Maine. I'll miss them.
(7)
Report

Thx beatty, lu and becky

lu - that's what I was thinking with Rocky. I may have to stay with dd for a short while in transition and she has 2 cats and a dog. But if Rocky is with me (and my plush camo blanket) I think she will be OK. One of the cats has visited here on a leash and Rocky was cautious but not freaked out. She actually looked a bit interested.
(3)
Report

Golden, have you ever given Rocky rescue remedy. You can buy it for cats online. It eases anxiety for things like moves etc.
(2)
Report

Thx gershun - I may try that. She really likes her routine with NO changes except if she wants her supper earlier or later. She notices everything!!!
(2)
Report

golden: Good luck on the move to Edmonton. Congratulations on your condominium purchase!
(2)
Report

Golden, you can just add a couple of drops in with his water. But I know what you mean. Our late cat Daniel would always watch when we did this and give us suspicious glances.
(3)
Report

:) what's on my mind?

this is more of a comment to myself, but i feel like writing it anyway.

...often one feels like only mentioning when things go badly
...and one forgets to mention, when things go well!

i am sooo glad the private caregivers we have do such a great job.
kind, caring, sweet, competent.

obviously this is very good for my LOs.
BUT also it's muccccch better for me.
i am much less stressed.

before these caregivers, we had other ones.
not good.
then, they did something awful.

i interviewed many new ones.
i decided on the ones we have now.

they're really nice. and they're in a verrry sweet mood, every day, while they help my LOs. they also already helped during an emergency and did a great job. extremely luckily, my LOs are fine.

soooo, this is just to say (i tell them this directly too, often), that i'm really glad we have them.

at xmas time we had a lot of fun together -- i gave them reindeer antlers, and we all wore them daily, while we helped out my LOs and created a wonderful xmas for them.

in the mornings, my father would wake up and see a face in front of him with 2 big reindeer antlers.

bundle of joy :)
(3)
Report

Becky, tried to copy and paste something for you, but it's not working.

Google "OT and wheelchair users" and you will see why the OT is coming to visit.
(1)
Report

I would appreciate prayers for my dd and all of us. She is in emergency with chemo side effects - woke up in a mess with incontrollable D. Fortunately her hub is on days off and very good at dealing with this stuff. I have to be prepared to help when he is not on days off.
-
(9)
Report

Golden, so sorry for DD. I'm glad she's getting care and I hope they can get her more comfortable and hydrated. Prayers for all of your family as you go through this journey and especially DD. (((((hugs)))))
(5)
Report

Oh, Golden, your poor daughter! Prayers sent!
(5)
Report

Thanks everyone. She is feeling better but being admitted overnight. Her potassium is low, Thankfully I have extra bed linens for them. Better safe than sorry. This is just her first session.
(8)
Report

Golden, glad she's a bit better. Keeping both of you in my thoughts and prayers. 🙏
(3)
Report

Golden. Prayers for you and your family.

Snow, snow and more snow. Long, boring day in the nursing home.
(5)
Report

golden: I am praying for your daughter and for you. Chemotherapy can be rough. Hugs.💝

I am relieved to hear that she is being admitted overnight where she can be taken care of.
(4)
Report

Hello All. I realise I haven't posted since early December. It's been a very difficult few months and I've been quite depressed. On the back of the many family bereavements I received a really abusive letter from my stepmother which has called into question my entire relationship with my late father. I've been really struggling to deal with this but am now starting to feel I'm coming out of this dark place and beginning to feel a bit better. I always found this forum a really supportive place but haven't felt able to tune in for a while. I've been reading some recent posts to see how everyone is. I can see there is good and not so good news out there. Love and support to all and sorry to have been away and to not have invested in you all recently.
(10)
Report

Missed you Chriscat!
A really abusive letter from your step mother? After Dad has died?
What kind of sick person does that? This sounds serious. Like serious pain.

We are here for you. Share what you feel comfortable with. Let's get it out, when you are ready. Do you want to start your own thread, or talk with someone by private message? I can recommend a few good longtime forum members that you may already know? I won't push.

How can we help?

Do you still have Merlin-cat with you? 🐱 How is he taking the losses in your family, and the recent loss of Arthur? (I looked it up).
(1)
Report

Thank you, friends, for acknowledging my pain. I feel self-indulgent when others are going through major health issues, but I guess that is the way abusive people get to you, and my stepmother has always dismissed my feelings as an indulgence on my part. Sendhelp, I appreciate your kindness. Merlin cat is still with us and although puzzled that Arthur is no longer here, is enjoying his status as an only cat, with all the extra attention that brings. My stepmother is another matter. A week after Arthur’s death, and just a few weeks after our latest family bereavement (my poor cousin, in her 40s, who died unexpectedly in her sleep one night and who was a good friend to me) she sent me an unpleasant letter, with a Christmas card, great timing. It opened with a paragraph about how my late father felt shut out of our lives and kept away from our son, his only grandchild, accusing me of cruelty and coldness. After further criticisms and insults, it concluded by stating that her letter was not meant to offend and that if I acknowledged my faults she was prepared to overlook my awful past behaviour so that we could move forward with “ a relationship of sorts”, as she puts it. This is from someone who was really cruel and heartless towards me when my father was dying, focusing all of her anger on me and preventing me from being able to sit in peace with my father in his last days. As a result I have been “no direct contact” with her since, as advised through the therapy I needed to get through the immediate months after dad’s death. The therapists call this “compassionate detachment “ - I don’t wish her any ill will but her abusive nature is bad for my health, so my husband deals with her when necessary. Her letter troubled me greatly, making me question the relationship I had with my father for the past 20 years. I felt I had a good relationship with him, and we always made them welcome, with good hospitality, when they visited. I will never know now how he felt though, as he is gone. My family, including my husband, son, aunts and uncles, tell me her accusations are untrue but things said cannot be unsaid and the damage is done. On top of this I am still mourning our family bereavements - 4 last year and 4 the year before. I withdrew to our bedroom in the days after receiving the letter, unable to eat or do anything, staring blankly at the TV or a book, not taking anything in. Since then I have felt a terrible sadness, emptiness and feelings of dread and anxiety, coupled with insomnia, hence my “middle of the night” post. I probably need more therapy but the Omicron situation over Christmas and into New Year made direct therapy difficult. Things are improving now on that front so I think it’s time to see someone. I am also hoping that as we emerge from winter and into spring I will feel more positive. Sorry to ramble on but I think writing things down is therapeutic and seems to help sort out the conflicting feelings, unburdening a little.
(9)
Report

Chriscat,
Thank you for getting back to us, and answering my question about Merlin.
I did not see any sign of anger from you at receiving such a shocking letter with false accusations from what appears to be a really mean person. You must have been deceived and knocked for a loop by her words. Your good relationship with your Dad was just as you always thought it was, between the two of you. That was and still is the truth you need to accept.

The thing is, a narcissist (or other descriptions of evil) will take a grain of truth and twist it into lies and hateful accusations. Even though you are a smart person, you were vulnerable and took what your stepmother said as having credibility (when it did not), and was twisted lies.

Depression (which you describe so accurately with the symptoms of clinical depression) is often called 'anger turned inward'. The anger you might have felt for your stepmother was unexpressed. Your mind and body are amazing in the way it protects you from further harm. Anger turned inward. So glad you went for some help.

You can, and you are, rising above this assault towards you. Believe your therapist/counselors when they advise no direct contact. You may not be aware that a person like your stepmother can and will get to you through your husband. Maybe consider going full on no contact when you talk to your therapist. She may be dangerous to yourself and your family, it sounds like.

Depression is a major health issue. But you can be healed. I am sure of it.
As I write this to you, I wonder who am I to be trying to speak into your life, barely knowing you. Somehow, I hope this helps you. Time will help too.

Spend time with the people I know on here, who have walked the path.
You are a good person Chriscat! So sorry for your too many recent losses.
(3)
Report

Thanks Sendhelp, I think you've made some really accurate and helpful observations. Sometimes things are obvious but it takes another person to reveal them to you. You are right to say I did not show anger at the letter. That isn't my style, but I agree that instead feelings can turn inwards and cause depression. My DH thinks I have depression and has suggested I see a doctor, but my reluctance here is that I would rather avoid medication and would prefer to deal with it in other ways, such as counselling, if possible. Interesting that you question your own validity in dispensing advice to me as a relative stranger. I can tell you that in my experience I've had more kindness and insight from complete strangers than from my stepmother and her friends, during my father's final days, his death, his funeral and in the time since then. Sometimes that seems surprising and can be hard to deal with, but isn't that what places like this forum are about? We can speak about certain things and offer advice here, which for various reasons we are not able to do with our other family members, and we are all stronger as a result.
(6)
Report

Chriscat,
Maybe vitamin supplements can help.

Thank you for your supportive words, and your heart to share help, as well as receive help.

You can see a doctor, and explain you would like to avoid medication. A good doctor can advise you. If you have only received counseling, and not a diagnosis from a doctor, that may help.

Today is National Love your pet day! Wherever anyone lives, we can all get on board with that!

When a person breaks their arm, people rush to sign their cast and offer support. It is not like that with depression, except to rush the person to cheer up. But it takes time. Do not receive any criticism, instead, receive hugs!

Here are a few hugs....[[[[[[hugs!]]]]]] {{hug}} 🧸️🧸️
🧸️ bear hug
🧸️signing your cast.
(4)
Report

Chriscat I think Send has given great advice which I can't top. What I will say is you are doing the right thing having no contact with people who just add more strife into your already stress ridden life. Now is the time to take care of you.

I've had no contact with my siblings. Covid helped with that. No Christmas strife for the last two years. It's amazing how my perspective has changed. Every Christmas I would feel so depressed and after really angry. I've realized that it's not Christmas I hate. It's the way I felt after being with family.

I used to think it was me and somehow I was the problem. It's been since my mom's death that I have done some good prayer and soul searching and learned to avoid toxic people even if those toxic people are family.

Keep reaching out Chriscat. We all love you and want to help.
(6)
Report

((((((chris))))) Mother wrote nasty letters so I know how you feel . They can be pretty devastating. My dd got one and threatened to cut her grandmother off and never had another one, I finally stopped opening them and they stopped when she found out I wasn't reading them. My sons got them and backed away.

Send and gershun have nailed it well. Look after you even if it means going no contact. It's about protecting yourself. Don't doubt your relationship with your dad. She is trying to upset you. Counselling can be very helpful. Keep letting us know how you are doing

gershun - I am so glad you are seeing that the difficulties with your family are not you and that toxic people, even family, are to be avoided
.
Good news - my daughter is home from hospital and feeling much better. Now she knows her weak spots and has to build herself up for the chemo session and take preventative action as much as possible.
(6)
Report

Chris: I am so sorry that you received such a shocking and hateful letter from your stepmother. Hugs.💝
(2)
Report

Went out yesterday for a few hours. Went to youngest grandson's ice hockey game. We went to a restaurant afterwards. I was worn out after the days activities, but it was nice to see something besides the NH. I'm anxious to move to Assisted Living and have my own larger living space. It would be nice to fix a sandwich for myself instead of having to ask someone for everything. Hope it will be in 4 months. I go tomorrow for x-rays, see the ortho guy and get a new cast.

Golden, Glad that your daughter is home from the hospital.
(8)
Report

Golden, glad your daughter is feeling better and also thx for your support and encouragement always.

Becky, I'm hoping for you that assisted living is soon so you can feel more independent.
(4)
Report

Good to hear DD is home, Golden.
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter