Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
I am waiting on the condo seller for one more document which I have to sign by 9 pm tonight then, I will be the owner of the condo. I don't think it is likely anything will go wrong but you never know. I'll count my chickens when they are hatched. In any case, I am thinking of setting a date of May I for putting this house up for sale. Better to have a goal!
This is a big transition. It's not "Oh, whoopee" I have a condo. It's "Ok I am doing this because I can't manage a big house anymore and I need warmer weather and better resources because I am older." Mixed feelings for sure!
Am working on an offer on a home, it was taken off the market on Monday, the owner discouraged they had not received an offer. Looks to me like the house is overpriced by about 100K, yet they think it is worth what they have put on it. My agent talked to theirs today and they both agree, it is over priced. But, we all know how that goes.
What they are thinking of doing now is renting the house to daughter and SIL. I am sure you all know my thoughts on that! Never do that sort of business with family! Especially the dysfunctional types we tend to get around here. Do not take that personally, anyone, please!
So, I completed the pre-app today and we will see what happens.
I did start to pack one wardrobe box today, and the oven is nearly clean. I haven't needed to clean it in 3.5 years. Appliances do not get a lot of wear and tear when there is just one person to cook for. It is those darn Super Bowl chicken wings that make such a mess!
Belated Happy Birthday wishes for your birthday month of February! 🎂
Daught and SIL suggested that we (me-- maternal gm and my ex, tag along since she knows us and we know her (some possible autistic traits, wanders, cuddles up to strangers...). He is incensed that anyone is suggesting that he needs a "chaperone". Geez, I thought we were offering to help.
Have offered up a compromise to daughter and SIL (to offer to the relative) but am declining to "have a convo" with this guy to convince him of anything. You guys are the parents. It's your call, not mine.
He says "if I can't have her alone, then I'm cancelling the trip". Is jealous we have time with her (hey, we didn't move away...)
Kind of a strange request, if you ask me!
This trip seems a bit strange in more ways than one - bringing his 100 yr old dad along, alone or nothing, hasn't seen the child for 3 years...
Brings up red flags to me. Is sil's dad is early stages of dementia or has he always been unreasonable?
My young son had to visit his Dad after the divorce.
But when the Grandma called to take him early on Christmas eve (was my time with him), saying that her mother, the great grandma may die any minute, may never see him, I said okay.
Photos received later of him on great-Grandma's lap looked like a scared little boy. 😞 Our family time together was cancelled by Grandma. The great grandma lived many many years after this. I was conned by grandma, who was very controlling (maybe a narcissist). Out of compassion and my love for grandma, I allowed my son to go. I would not do this today. Because it is difficult enough for any child to pack up and go for visitation-to a household different from his own.
Boundaries would guide that the visitation was for the father, he should have called, made the arrangements, and picked up my son. The grandma and great-grandma could have visited at the father's house. I am all for grandparent's rights and visitation, but knowing what I know today,
I would not allow a young child to visit under these circumstances, outside of court-appointed visitation with the father, and without parental supervision.
I agree with Golden, if you want a relationship with the parents, you have one with the parents.
Boundaries say "NO" to the visit, "NO" to the demands of the 100 y.o.
BTW, a supervised visit can be at a restaurant with the parent(s) there, you don't need to have them visit in your home. Visits do not have to be overnight or for very long.
On the day of her birthday? And mess with the family's birthday? No way.
As the familiar grandma, and your daughter and Son-in-law asked, I would say: The visit as suggested will happen over my dead body.
The daughter knows already this does not sound right, but is willing to bend over backwards to accommodate the visit. Under these circumstances Barb, you can speak up.
Trust is earned, not given. Trust is in a relationship, not by genes.
The elephant in the room is that when this person (sil's dad) decided to marry for the second time when said gd was 3 months old, my daughter was told she could not come to the wedding unless she promised not to nurse at the wedding. Oy. I've nursed all my kids at weddings, funerals, Bar Mitzvahs, with no issue and no fuss. The bride had a son who was 11 at the time and she said "I don't want my son's first view of a breast to be one that is being suckled". Whaaaaa? Playboy, perhaps?
What, dear Lady, do you imagine they were invented for?
So, yes, that has left a sour taste in all of our mouths, but I send these folks pictures and chat about gdaughter and FaceTime and they send all the present packages to me because I have the doorman.
My concern is that dgd is a wanderer; she will attach herself to strangers in a playground and get into deep conversations with them about her family, what she's learning in school and the like. Sits in ANYONE'S lap.
Just concerned that this grandfather might not have the wherewithal to attend both to his ancient dad and this precious 5 year old. He is insisting on being insulted about the fact that anyone thinks a "chaperone" is needed.
The compromise I have offered the kids is that ex and I will arrange to be close by to the mall he intends to take her to and be available if he gets in over his head.
This is all month hence. The world could end before then, right?
"If you want a relationship with the child, you have one with the parent too."
A quote from Golden.
The guy sounds like a weirdo and I would never let my child go with a virtual stranger regardless of the fact that he is a family member.
Just him demanding to be alone with the child sends up red flags to me.
The parents job is to protect their child and to helk with what this grown man wants.
I get your point on the relationship with your grand-nephew.
Yes, there are many other qualifying good relationships other than what I had mentioned.
The key is the relationship, and happy that you were supervising him.
As to the serious discussion, I believe no child should be left with an unknown to them person until they are old enough to get away from that person if needed, at least 10-12 depending on where they will be. Unfortunately I had a lot of time to consider this as my nephew's ex had a boyfriend with a drinking problem and a aggravated assault record.
My own relationship with the kids has pretty much started at birth as I babysat them from days to weeks old; they literarily remember me as always being part of their lives. It also helps that I'm on the second generation; my nephews were the "original sweet little boys" so they know from personal experience the kind of spoiling I do with their kids! I have taken them on vacations, with and without their parents - and even at the parents' request as the babysitter on a skiing vacation. I stay in my lane; one time I remember telling a young man he couldn't hold the roman candles as they went off although he told me his dad let him. I told him that was a daddy decision that a mere aunt couldn't make.
I like to think I have added something good to their lives. I know they have added to mine.
You encounter with your great nephew was awesome.
Every child should have an Auntie that adores them and their children and let's them get a sugar buzz with no hassle :-)
I hope grandfather comes around to see that familiar others along for the outing would be best for her. But I don't understand why her feelings and welfare aren't the primary consideration.
...
TNtechie, I love the story. It is a very special relationship. I supervised my college-age nephew's party (parents knew about that) where there was beer (they didn't know about that part). I figured it was far better that nephew could trust me enough to volunteer that information about drinking and ask me if I was ok with it. Maybe it was the wrong decision, in hindsight, but they were college-aged kids and could've snuck the alcohol without telling me if they wanted to. I was glad he could tell me and allow me to supervise. I hope my nephews/niece always feel they can trust me with some of the things they don't tell their parents. It's far better than the alternative where they don't tell anyone. So I keep their secrets and I have a very special relationship with each of them that I treasure. :)
A couple hours ago, I realized that tomorrow is February 28. What is going on that day? OMG, I came across a notice for jury duty that I had stuck away, hiding, from first showings. Thank goodness decided to finish up my taxes to get them ready for the accountant. Came across the notice. All jurors have been excused tomorrow. Thank Goodness! I have other things to do!
I am.excited for the framing, first floor to get built so I can get a better idea of the views. And the garage is on the south side of the lot, adjacent to county that is not very well taken care of. I am excited!
As I was writing the contract, a couple came in wanting to also write on the house.
Now get my butt out of bed and start packing.
what's on my mind?...
this is more of a message to myself...literally in my mind...
but i want to write it anyway.
with all my nice intentions to stay calm...
i got very frustrated today (in my mind)...
oh boy.
trying to help my LO.
LO making bad/dangerous decisions/falling-risk...
hourssss spent researching a product for LO, who wanted it (safer).
today, LO said doesn't want it.
i think the product (special, comfortable, safe armchair) is an excellent idea.
-----
it's not easy.
-----
i'll try to go back to calmness.
hugs to us all, with our various challenges!
bundle of joy :)
again, this is actually just "in my mind", but i feel like writing it anyway...
1 of my LOs had parents who were doctors.
and growing up, my LO heard many stories about difficult patients, and therefore made a very conscious decision that in old age, the LO would NOT be difficult.
so here i am, with 1 LO who is verrrry sweet, kind, appreciate (anyway, throughout their life) -- but especially now during old age.
and 1 LO who is NOT easy (anyway, throughout their life, sometimes, very difficult) -- and especially now during old age.
---------
wishing us all lots of strength -- and the wisdom not to get derailed from our own direction/goals/dreams in life.
hugs!!!!
:)
i'll now try to go back to being calm -- but first i'll be a volcano for a few weeks (in my mind). as a volcano, maybe i can become a tourist attraction :).
volcanoes can make islands...
maybe something nice will come out of my volcanic activity.
:)