On My Mind

Hallah, a good diet always helps everything in the body. I'm glad to hear you and your wife are getting good nutrition. And it's a good reminder to always be providing ourselves with good food, yes!

I was late-night rambling on here last night and wanted to share because I know this is a common issue, but also because I'm upset about it. Something will have to change for me in the way I do my daily routine... and either way, I'll adjust. Not without some pouting, but I will. 😅

Have you looked into Traction Alopecia Ali?

The main treatment for traction alopecia is to change your hairstyle. Avoid wearing your hair in a tight style, especially overnight. You’ll know it’s too tight if it hurts. Remove braids, cornrows, or dreadlocks. Avoid pulling your hair up into a ponytail or bun, or loosen the style.
If your hair is very long, cut it. Minimize the use of chemicals and heat, which can damage your hair.

So, neuro visit went pretty well.

There are two small strokes evident, one is in a motor area and the doc pointed out that dh can no longer touch his left index finger to his nose accurately (dh blames this on being right-handed. There is a fair amount of denial going on).

There isn't a lot of volume loss, so not vascular, he thinks.

A spinal tap could rule out some stuff (like Alz, apparently) but dh not interested.

He recommended a new sleep study (dh agreed reluctantly.) Mentioned some other followups, but dh not interested.

I'm not less worried. There IS something going on, but we haven't gotten to what it is. I'm just feeling less jittery, more validated and like I have an understanding partner doc.

I'm very glad to have you folks to type stuff out to, because that helps organize my thoughts. Having a once a week therapist via telemed also helps. Immensely.

Barb, I'm glad you feel satisfied with the neuro visit and that your hubs is going along with it for the most part. I pray that you get the answers you both are needing to proceed.

(((Hugs)))

Barb: Thanks for the update on your DH's neuro visit. Hugs.

Just a quick "fix" for slippery wooden ramps. Install roofing shingles in the center walking area. They can be installed to provide an even nonslick surface even when frost or rain degrades the footing. A quick brush with a broom and some salt keeps a clear path even when there's snow. In fact the snow melts faster with the darker shingle color.

TNtechie, great idea on using shingles. I used 6” wide non-skid tape on our ramp with 6” between strips. The ramp was only 8’ long and a friend furnished the tape. Home Depot sells various widths of the tape.

Folks, plan ahead now for winter weather and your ramps!

I know! I know! we’re just getting past winter but…..TNtechie started it. Just teasing, TNtechie.

Be careful using calcium chloride on ramps. If I’m correct that’s the ice melter that’s looks like little styrofoam beads. Works great but I found the little balls of melter to act like ball bearings one fine winter morning. I found I could pirouette with the best of the dancers going down that ramp.

I don't use the melter, I just use table salt. I found it a lot easier to distribute just shaking out of the box. I've never had a problem with the ramp being slick until it gets down below 20. I just try to get it clear before the temp drops that far or stay inside until the sun comes out.

I tried the weather stripes but they didn't work as well in the constant freeze and thaw cycle we have here in the winter (usually in the 40s during the day and dropping to the 20s at night). The tape strips came up after a season or two. The shingles are screwed into the ramp and stay in place better/longer. When I replace them I just back the screws out and use the same holes in the wood for the next set. The grand-nephew doesn't fund it as appealing to his bare feet and usually comes up the ramp beside the shingles but other days he pretends he's walking on the roof - something he's seen his daddy do on his construction jobs.

dear llamalover, and everyone :).

i can't find the message now, but i know several of you wished me well, while i disappeared from the internet for a while. thanks!! :)

in fact, i'll continue to disappear a bit. i hope you all had a GREAT easter!! :) :)
courage!! :) :) :)

things get very tough sometimes. and the kinder you are, in a sense the tougher, because you care and want to RESCUE. as so many of us repeat, please rescue yourself, too.

DEAR SWEET, kind people on this forum, life is so full of wonderful things! grab it! PLEASE PROVE TO THE WORLD, that IT'S NOT A DISADVANTAGE TO BE KIND.

you see...as long as our lives get destroyed while we help our LOs...it sort of means that it's not possible to be kind (whether that kindness means helping the LOs at home, or advocating in a facility, whatever the kindness looks like) AND do well in your own life, at the same time.

we're in this together.

wipe away from your mind all the mean things people have said to you.

let's prove them wrong. all these people who abandoned us, who left us alone to deal with all of it. let's win. one day, say: ha! i succeeded. my life and their lives.

bundle of joy :)

bundle, I noticed your absence and missed you and your jokes. Glad you're back for now.

nice to hear you, polarbear! :) i missed you too! i'll return with more jokes :). for now, i continue to be gone from internet. hug! :) :)

BOJ: Welcome back or I should say take care in your caregiving journey, you positive bundle of joy as are all you wonderful, uplifting people on this forum.💜

thanks llamalover :) :)

just sending huge hugs to everyone going through a very tough time. prayers from me. hug!!

BOJ: You're welcome.

We have a provincial election coming up and the campaign promises are beginning... On the news tonight both opposition parties are quoted as saying they want to put money into expanding home care rather than into building and refurbishing nursing homes that "warehouse our grandparents". I'm sure that after all the disastrous publicity about facilities early in the pandemic this message will resonate with the general public but not with me, I know that most people are in nursing homes because nothing short of 24/7 care provided by trained professionals is enough, and no home care is ever going to be able to replace that.

sending lots of courage & strength to us all! :)
i hope today, we're all able to work on our own lives, too. there is great virtue in helping yourself (not just others).

meanwhile over here, 27 april 2022, it just snowed!
oh boy. i put on my winter clothes, just about to walk out. now blue sky and sun, with little birds happily chirping. back indoors, changing clothes.

yup...murphy (from murphy's law), i want to have a chat with you.

While I agree facility care is always going to be needed once our LOs need a certain level of care, I also believe better state funding for a few things could help many senoirs safety remain in their homes a little longer abd reduce the costs associated with LTC. Like 2 or 4 hours a week someone comes to the home to do housework and/or change light bulbs, maybe a monthly visit by a nurse, funds for a ramp or transportation services. Our state has some home services for elders now and has started increasing funding levels and services a bit each budgetary year.

I think the problem is with framing it as home care vs facility care, both need to be better and just throwing more money at one at the expense of the other won't fix anything.
There was a big push to add more home care with the last government, as far as I can see it worked like most government programs in that seniors were encouraged to stay in their own homes but the majority of the work and cost were downloaded to the family (and god forbid you don't have any). Home care agencies have wait lists and it's not necessarily a lack of funding, it's that nobody wants to do the job. Many say just give the PSWs a raise, but that just means any extra $$ is merely maintaining the status quo and not improving the availability or level of care.

My mother qualified for adult day care, housekeeping help, meals on wheels and free transportation in her wheelchair as part of community care. We didn't use housekeeping or meals but the adult day care and transportation to and from were a godsend! Our local 911 dispatchers coordinate daily check phone calls and fire departments help police do wellness checks. This year the legislature is considering adding funds to support materials for ramp construction by the high schoolers community service hours (required for graduation) and increasing the amount medicaid pays for AL and other LTC. Its not enough, but I believe the state is moving in the right direction. We even started some extra assistance for grandparents that are raising their grandchildren, really needed with the numbers of parents who are drug addicts.

Next door neighbor had two dogs when I moved here. One, a yellow lab that died soon after my move. Then about six months later someone moved in across the street that had a yellow lab that became a great companion for dog#2 a black lab mutt. Those two dogs were with each other constantly, even spending nights with each other.

The house across the street sold, they moved today. I had heard that they were going to move next door black lab mutt with them. But, black lab mutt died today. She just must have understood on some level the major changes that were coming and couldn't handle it.😟😟

That's so sad Glad. :(

Poor doggie! 😞

Sad for all whose loss of the doggie has affected.
I think that covers all of us.
So sorry Glad.

My son and his family ended their spring vacation. We had a birthday party for my granddaughter yesterday. It was a nice visit.

Becky, thanks for that! Was just starting to get worried about you.

Glad you had a good visit!

Yesterday was both a good day and a very bad day. I spent a lot of time with my 13 yo grand-nephew and went to one of his ballgames. I also tried to get this 5'11" 200 lb man-child to understand his mother's histrionic personality disorder and try not to be so hurt by some of her actions.

His 17 yo brother went to a party with the knowledge and permission of their father. Unfortunately he told the ex-wife their son was attempting the party. She first went off about the father giving him permission with her ex (my nephew) and how a "zero" he was as a father. Then she tried to call her 17 yo to dish him for wanting to go to the party (according to the voice mail she left). Then she called her younger son to ask where his brother was because he wasn't answering the phone. M (younger son) called his brother B who answered the phone and told him he was getting ready to leave the party and would be home in 30 monutes or less. B told M to tell their Mom he was home so she wouldn't get more worked up. M called mom and delivered the message afterwards mom demanded M give the phone to his brother so she could talk to him. M isn't good at lying and admitted to his mom B wasn't home yet but was on his way. The ex exploded on her sons, talking about how they mistreated her, she was going to pick them up and they were going to stay at her house where they have "proper" supervision, etc. When she got here B told her they weren't going anywhere with her while she was acting crazy and called me up to their house (my nephew, his wife and younger son went to their lake property and left me to watch over the boys from my next door home). She went to her "I'm calling the cops" line to have them document the boys were unsupervised and get the cops to make the boys come with her. I pointed out I have a childcare POA for her boys and was completely capable of supervising the boys from next door as my presence demostrated, but go ahead and call them if she wanted. The boys were inside the home and would not engage with her anymore that night. She finally decided to leave and add some more vms to vent her fury.

She's really been working on M this week: repeating how he "abused" her by lying to her, how he was going to stay with her from mid-week through the weekend whether he wanted to or not, how he couldn't have the shoes he left at her house back until he spent those days with her, etc. M called me to take him to get some breakfast and then take him to the game bus Sat morning, then he broke down crying because his mom won't answer the phone and has sent him these angry messages and won't even let him pick up his shoes and his toes hurt from wearing his old shoes (will I take him to buy some more shoes after the game?), etc. He feels guilty because the last time mom called he told her he didn't want to spend any time with her when she was acting this way. And they had so much fun just 2 weeks ago with mom.

I'm trying to enable him to see his mom's spells as something she doesn't have complete control over; that her HPD causes her to act out in ways that aren't all that reasonable. It's reasonable for Mom to be concerned about B attending parties because she knows her little brother started his drug and alcohol use at kids parties and his recent murder is on her mind - she just goes overboard expressing that concern. That he did lie to her and she has some "right" to be angry, but again she is going overboard on expressing that anger. That he needs to view those "overboard" reactions as part of her disease and try to view the real mom as the person they had so much fun with. That's its okay to want to stay away from mom when she overreacting; that's just taking care of himself and that's fine. It's okay to still love mom even when she acts this way. She's your one and only mother and she's very loveable when she acting normally.

I just pray for the right words to comfort this child.

TN- I feel bad for the boys. But kids are resilient, they will recover. If when they grow up and want to pursue psychology/psychiatry as a career, they will already have some real personal experiences with mental illness and the effects on children to educate them like no text books can.

You are a good great aunt. It's good that they have you to rely on.