Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
We should be careful of our motivations for being part of the forum.
Of course there’s:
Venting
Or needing information
Or empathy
Or…
But one unhealthy, potential motivation we should be careful of is “misery loves company”. Some of us are going through a horrible time, and we actually want to read about other people going through a horrible time.
Let’s not be like that.
God will kick their *** ,
one day.
I have many friends in that situation: it was all dumped on them. It’s not always the case, but often it’s dumped on the younger sibling. The non-helpers get richer, you get poorer (because you’re busy helping; no matter how hard you try to work and help at the same time, you’ll be poorer than the one who only works and doesn’t help). You’ll also age faster, get health problems, stress, anxiety.
God will kick them
one day. You’ll see justice.
Meanwhile, please make sure you find justice. I don’t want you (or any of us) to be exploited.
1. A 24-hour caregiver is paid a lot. Not just free rent.
2. A hired caregiver has the right to vacation and time off during the day. You don’t need to be on-call literally 24 hours a day. And you don’t work every day of the week. You rotate with other caregivers.
3. MOST IMPORTANTLY:
a job is something you can QUIT, you get paid, and you have RIGHTS. You also have a right to an environment that’s not too abusive.
But if it was all dumped on you by your siblings, can you really QUIT? Not really. Not if there are only very bad facilities where you are. Your kind heart probably doesn’t want to dump the parent in a very bad facility. Are you getting paid? Probably not. Do you have any rights? No.
In other words, it’s not a job.
And your siblings are wrong. What it is, is: unpaid slavery + abuse.
You’re not crazy. He sounds like he is a very special nephew!
Result? She can’t express some form of gratitude, some kind gesture towards me?
I quit.
Just think of how many lives on this forum would improve.
If she is competent , do what you need to do , put her care back on her to figure out.
I know it’s easier said than done. Once we have taken on these responsibilities it’s hard to get out . They expect us to continue .
Is she just lazy ? Or truly needs help with getting her care arranged ? What about if she paid for a geriatric care manager ? Although she would probably refuse and want you to keep doing it.
I’m sorry you are in this situation .
It’s all the other tasks that turn up now and then: financial things, sensitive documents…Normally you can’t delegate that to another person (like a hired caregiver). I’ve been helping.
I’m going to give all problems back to her. I don’t want to be a slave anymore. And her ungrateful attitude is despicable. And her lack of empathy to point out how unfair it is of her to dump this all on me for years, is also despicable. And not a single gesture of thanks, in return.
I quit.
why did she “ dump “ the financial stuff on you if she’s competent ?
I like the mute button idea.
FIL is on a roll again , wants to be independent and have a car🙄😬😭
(((Hug)))
It’s hard with a stubborn FIL.
My mom? Example:
internet banking, which is very easy for all of us, but my mom isn’t good at computers. I taught her many times; she wrote down the instructions. She makes errors every time, clicking on the wrong buttons. Anyway, now her hands have problems; she can hardly type. And she’s not mobile, so she can’t easily go to the bank.
You see? This is just one example of many. You can imagine lots of other examples like this, where you prefer not to give the passwords to a hired caregiver.
There are professional people you can hire to deal with payments, but you can’t always trust them either. What about wanting to order something online?
There are also other tasks, admin, with sensitive documents. That’s all online.
I’m quitting.
That is a tough situation . Many elderly need help with the tech stuff . Gets impossible if they start accusing the person that helps them of stealing money .
I get being over it. You help and get grief for it. Your mom will have to figure it out or ask or hire someone else to help . But at least this way she can’t blame you for giving out passwords .
Anyway:
I quit.
My MIL was a lovely woman. Her mom was another story! My husband’s grandmother was very self centered.
My MIL was an only child and she helped her mother with as much as she could. She did work full time so she wasn’t at her mom’s beck and call every single minute.
Very often she would say, “It would be so nice if my mother could say, ‘Thank you’ for all that I do for her.”
Everyone deserves appreciation. Sadly, some people don’t get it. I’m sorry that your mom doesn’t show appreciation to you.
You’re right to back off from helping her.
sorry Venting :(
Is anyone moderating this site and what'e being allowed to be posted? The questions that are being posted have become so outlandish and so ridiculous that this site seems more like a playground for internet trolls looking to have a laugh than it does a support group. Or like manic bi-polar sufferers or maybe people 'on the spectrum' having a meltdown.
What is going on here?
I just saw a post from someone claiming to have dementia whose adult children refuse to allow her to be alone so she's getting dropped off at her 81 year old mother's house so her mother can watch her.
Yet, this person can coherently craft a post about it and effectively use a computer.
How can that be real and not a fishing expedition or someone using a support group for entertainment?
Nothing surprises me nowadays. I am not shocked by anything anymore! Truth can be stranger than fiction.
I do have to say that the woman who placed the cat in the oven because she thought she was radioactive was a bit mind blowing! 😮
Fortunately, the knobs were removed! I’m sure that you have seen your share of craziness during your time as a caregiver.
I totally get where your mother is coming from about doing the bills online.
I do not pay bills online. Nor do I do any personal banking online either. I like a written, printed bill and a nice canceled check as proof of payment.
Could you or someone else write out your mother's bills once a month?
I used to sit with my care clients back when I still did client care and literally write out their checks for their bills and they would sign them. Then I'd record them in their check registers. It's really wasn't that hard.
For sure I've seen it all and none of it has shocked me for a very long time. Do I still get grossed out, angry, and lose my patience sometimes? Yes, I sure do, but not shocked.
This forum was pretty tightly moderated up until recently. I had my account suspsended for calling out a person who was very obviously not a caregiver, but a person looking for advice on how to make trouble her state-paid for caregiver. Yet what they're allowing to post and stay up is pretty surprising to me.
Yeah, true. That’s probably how the My Whine Moment thread came about. Lots of posts on there! I post on it too.