Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Copy that about the family dysfunction. Sure, sometimes a person needs to tell it to others who understand what they're going through. I get that and God knows the people here have given me good advice and support when I just needed to tell it.
You are right about there being an awful lot of it now though. I notice that there's also a lot of people who are just looking for people they can be contrary with and are clearly instigating.
I don’t know how they decide who gets suspended. I am glad that you were reinstated because different opinions should be voiced.
We learn from each other. Sometimes we agree and sometimes we don’t. As long as we try to be respectful, that’s what counts. It’s impossible for everyone to agree on everything.
We are individuals, not clones. I would never expect everyone to agree with everything that I say. I am certainly not going to agree with every single person who posts on this forum, and that is okay!
I learn a lot on this forum how to handle family dysfunction in caregiving. I wish it weren’t useful for me (that would mean I’ve never seen dysfunction), but it’s very useful. For example, today’s sentence from Invisible really helped me:
“Please value your life, even when others do not.”
I loved Captain!
I love Barb’s recent thread in discussions. Unfortunately, I can never remember the name of it so it is difficult to search for it.
I wanted to add something to it and couldn’t because I couldn’t find the thread.
It seems like they run the same questions that they choose over and over.
Ditto,
I was clueless and miserable too.
Now , I’m happy on the inside and stumbling on the outside at the same time . But it’s better than before .
I accept that progress is slow and never complete.
We were DARVOed. There’s nothing wrong with us. It was them.
Clueless here too! Broken as well. 🙁
I have less patience with manipulation , passive aggressive behaviors towards me. It angers me. AKA my FIL .
That’s natural. You know my husband’s expression! Hahaha 🤣
Hahaha,
Yeah but I still have empathy and am the fixer to a fault ( working on that ) . Even when I’ve reached my limit I find it hard to just walk away .
Towards the end though, it became more difficult for him, which I feel badly about. I certainly understand that it is extremely hard on our spouses too.
Oh yeah, Captain was so funny but I am sure that some people didn’t get his style of humor! Definitely an interesting and unpredictable guy.
A poster told me in a private message that AgingCare actually contacted him and asked him to come back to stir up the old ladies! LOL 😆 Who knows? I was told that he refused to come back.
Returning to add - the truly nasty stuff was always removed fairly quickly, but not fast enough to prevent people seeing it
Not sure why but it seems like you have been around longer than you have. Maybe because you are very easy to speak with and very relatable.
Captain used to private message wild stuff to me! He was hilarious at times! He was certainly unique! Not your average poster.
I caught him after his caregiving days. Didn’t he care for his aunt or something like that? I missed all of that.
That’s as bad as these reality shows that are scripted to a degree.
My friend just texted me to join her for an iced coffee. I’m heading out.
I think the point is that many posters are in that situation right now: it’s actually totally connected to caregiving. The posters are caring for abusive, elderly parents. That makes it very hard for the caregiver. (By caregiver, I don’t mean hands-on. I mean any form of helping/caregiving).
It’s not a coincidence that it’s so common for caregivers on this forum to be abused. A responsible, empathetic, non-abusive parent by definition wouldn’t want their adult child to caregive.
Just as it’s helped me, I’m sure the information on abused caregivers will help others in the future.
I sometimes feel like saying "Throw 'em all overboard!"
I get it.
It gets better until it gets worse until it gets better again until it gets worse etc .
You want this cycle to stop. Every day waiting for the other shoe to drop .
You are being pulled in 3 directions
1) help mom today
2) help myself today
3) just survive today
You know what YOU WANT to do , but it can be so hard when you have been doing what someone else wants you to do. Once we take on doing for others, it’s hard to stop.
I recognize your rants , it’s you fighting for your independence from the abuse because simply coping isn’t enough anymore . It’s a very emotional , angry time . You will overcome this and learn to live your own life again. ((((Hugs))))
No one can take care of anyone else,
unless they take care of themselves first.
Sometimes, just get in the shower, but hurry.