Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Great job on finding DH’s records. Hope the surgery goes well next week.
If you are trapped in a dysfunctional, toxic relationship.
The part that is you contributing to the ongoing insanity
is that you have agreed to wait to make a good lifesaving decision for yourself that is separate from what "they" are doing (or not doing).
You are going to "wait", once again, for the dysfunctional persons to "talk" about it. Then you will decide, based upon what "they" do or say.
I don't have the answers yet, but I know it is wrong to wait this way.
They just got back from Florida, so we are finished watching our sweet granddog. I love that dog!
Now I have to vacuum. Huskies have so much fur!
He wanted to retire when he was still young, at age 83! Gotta love him! 😊
Betty White died at 99 too.
My arm was a bit sore after my shingles vaccine. Hey, that’s better than getting shingles. My husband had shingles before and it’s painful.
His shingles had a silver lining though. He had neglected getting regular check ups. When he went to the doctor she decided to do lab tests.
They found that his numbers were off and sent for further testing and they discovered that he had prostate cancer. Thank God, after he went through treatments he went into remission.
You know how some men can be. They wait until something is wrong before they go to the doctor!
Anyway, I am glad that he got shingles because it got him inside of the doctor’s office and he was very fortunate to catch his cancer early.
So I did have shingles when I was 20. It was painful, but I recovered quickly.
20! Wow 😮, that’s awfully young to get shingles.
I didn’t even know that a person could get shingles that young. Most people are over 50 years of age when they get it. You must have been surprised.
In case Alva does not get back to you.....here's this:
"AlvaDeer
Sep 7, 2023
In my humble opinion your Mom isn't "self-negligent", but mentally ill.
You are asking us for advice on how to deal with a mentally ill woman. I doubt any of us is capable of giving you any advice that might work because even society at large hasn't a CLUE how do deal with the mentally ill. There are no longer places that care for them. And the law will not adjudge them incompetent to make their own decisions. Meanwhile your father's and your life are sacrificed on the pyre of her illness.
I have a good recommendation. However, be warned it will not in any way "help you". It MAY make you feel less alone. It is called Never Simple, by Liz Scheier and is a memoir of her life spent try to get help, trying to help her mentally ill mother. All to no avail over the decades. And all along with the help of the social services of the city and state of New York."
(Spoiler alert)--in the end, Mrs. Scheier, with dementia, COPD and emphysema, on oxygen 24/7 and evicted from her rent-controlled NYC apartment, was situated by NYC social services in a nice Medicaid-funded Assisted Living facility. She eloped from there, got herself to a hospital emergency room in Manhattan (she was convinced the doctors there would save her) and died shortly thereafter. There was simply NO helping this lady, who was incredibly smart and resourceful, but terribly mentally ill.
I think mental illness is very similar to addiction. Whereas when the alcoholic or addict is not serious about recovery and treatment, then recovery is impossible.
The same with mental illness. Like the alcoholic or addict, the mentally ill person can be forced into treatment. Often it's court-ordered. It never works for a person when it's forced on them.
Recovery has to be a person's choice. If a mentally ill person will not comply with treatment and fights against it, they can't be helped. Locking them up in a secure facility is often the only safe alternative for them and the public. Then keep them there until they become compliant with treatment and recovery.
This does not happen though.
It's basically catch-and-release with the mentally ill. They get taken to a hospital ER, given drugs, then send back out on the street or to a nursing home where they do not belong. Many times it's literally the street or a homeless shelter. Or they go to jail. Prison is the largest mental health service provider in the United States. We also consume 80% of the world's supply of psychiatric drugs. Yes, I said WORLD supply. The rest of the planet gets by well enough with the 20% they use.
I remember when my first husband who was an alcoholic went into rehab. The first thing they did was try to give him anti-depressants which he did not need and refused.
A person has to want to get better and want recovery. It can't happen if they don't.
I am glad you read Never Simple, the memoir by Liz Scheier. I have been the one recommending it right along, and I believe that Barb has also, and has an almost personal connection with the book in terms of its editor.
I found it quite by accident on the library shelves. I have never gotten over reading it, and have recommended to so many.
Burnt,
I agree with you. I have in my extended family a lovely girl who is severely bipolar. It has broadened my outlook on mental illness and its treatment in our country (or lack of treatment. Or confused treatment. Or cost of treatment. Or lack of knowledge. or or or).
I am convinced we know almost nothing about mental illness and how to treat it. And it takes great personal and familial strength and determination to try to deal with it.
There is an author named Kay Jamison Redfield who is a favorite of mine, with some memoirs and also the author of textbooks on mental illness, a physician, a teacher, and a lifelong sufferer of bipolar disorder.
I have read almost everything she has written. An AMAZING woman, yet she suffers from a disease that can take her down in a second, and she knows it. She's bipolar.
People who live with some disorders learn the signs of needing to check up or check in. But it takes a certain mind to say nothing of enormous strength to even begin to live with or help someone else live with mental illness.
You are right in everything you're saying. I have a family member who is a paranoid schitzophrenic and also bi-polar who recently spent three months in a mental facility (court-ordered).
If they had complied with their treatment plan and not fought against the people (family, social workers, nurses, doctors) who are on their case and take care of them, they would not have had to be arrested and then locked up.
Anosognosia is a lack of insight - this means the person is unable to understand they have an illness. People with anosognosia aren't going to take medications or comply with treatments because they are incapable of understanding that they are sick. A simple phrase for this is "they are too sick to realize they are sick".
Dr Xavier Amador is the expert on anosognosia and has developed a way to how communicate with people who suffer from this symptom. His book "I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help" introduces his communication methods. Many of Amador's lectures are available for free on YouTube.
Older medical people can be "unaware" of anosognosia if they are not up to date on their DSM. Even in clinical settings you will still find older professional people using the phrase "they are in denial".
People with anosognosia can't want to get better and can't choose to get better because they don't realize they are sick. Dr Amador's communication methods can help get them on meds, it's a long process and doesn't always work. Sometimes we can just make their lives a little better.
As you say there are lots of reasons to not take the meds. Our family members can usually list all of the side effects and all the good reasons to avoid those side effects.
Confabulation is the magical thinking of the world of anosognosia. First discovered with patients who had lost limbs and dementia patients, confabulation is often the "shifting of the story" to match the need of the moment. And our family members believe the second, third and fourth story, just as they believed the first version.
There aren't any strict lines in the brain damage caused by severe mental illnesses. They aren't being led into traps, their brains are broken and people tend to forget that when dealing with them for the very reasons you point out, many of our family members retain cognition and are quite brilliant.
The "voices" and sounds that are heard by people with schizophrenia register exactly the same on their brain waves as actual sounds. Identical. Some of those voices are quite friendly and as intelligent as the brain of origination.
As was said, scientists and doctors don't know anything about the wide spectrum of severe mental illnesses that come under the umbrella of schizophrenia and bipolar. They are all working from the symptoms.
Adding to say - Schizophrenia, bipolar and autism are all genetically linked - that's the biggest science news we've had so far.
It was a new Doctor, hearing my tales & trouble, that first told me about it. Said it appeared my LO 'lacked insight' & stated this medical name. Also stated anosognosia was common in stroke survivors & more severe mental illness, especially Sz. I forget the stats now but Sz may have been 60-80% I was like WOW. Now I see!! This makes sense now.
I am reading Liz Scheier's book now. 3/4 through. Thankyou for the Spoiler warning!
E is a 71 yr old male. He said meds make him feel like he is another person and he did not like that. So he told himself years ago that he needed to except his Bi-polar and deal with it. He smokes Marijuana to help wuth symptoms. He has had a great life doing all kinds of things. His last job he taught for 20yrs.
S is a 67 yr old female. She self-medicated with alcohol and was diagnosed in her 40s. She took meds but said she never felt right. She said she drooled like a little old woman. She stopped them. I have not seen her in years because she lives 2 days drive and lives out in the boonies. Her husbands cousin does visit when he is in the State and says my cousin has gone off the deep end. Very hard to handle. Since ALZ runs in that side of the family, I would say she may have early onset.
I think my cousin E is in denial when it comes to ALZ. The family members who suffered from it, his Mom, her mother and Moms brother, all showed signs in their 70s. There were 8 kids and 2 passed before they hit 70. The others had other health problems.