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cwille,

You’re correct that some people are not comfortable visiting cemeteries. Intense emotions are attached to how they feel about visiting a cemetery.

Some care deeply for family members who have died but find cemeteries creepy so they don’t go. Others find comfort in having a place to visit and remember their loved ones.

I used to be afraid of cemeteries when I was young. Everyone here visits cemeteries often, We have unique cemeteries. We even have tours for visitors.

I grew to totally appreciate them as sacred resting places for our deceased. They are also a place for us to go and reflect on their lives.

We have beautiful cemeteries here in New Orleans. We honor the lives of those who have died.
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Bridger,

Your brother did show a lack of respect for your dad by not going to the cemetery. The location of the cemetery should not have made any difference to him. Your parents have the right to choose their final resting place.

You are a lovely woman who isn’t blind to your brother’s shortcomings and are naturally disappointed but you don’t have vengeance in your heart.

I admire your attitude immensely. I wish that we had more people in this world like you.

Your father’s heart was crushed by your brother. I am so happy that he has you as his daughter. You are so caring and loving.

As for what to do after he dies, I would respect his wishes in not telling your brother about his death but I think that your dad loves you so much that he would want you to be at peace and would understand whatever you chose.

Isn’t it interesting how siblings can be raised by the same parents, taught wonderful values by our fathers and can be so different? We have the same situation in my family. My siblings and I are very different!

You and I appreciate and feel blessed to be raised by our fathers. I will always love my dad. He died in 2002.

Your bother has been away from the family for far too long. Your dad missed him. He disappointed your dad horribly. It is sad that your dad lost his son. The way I see it though, your brother missed out on a whole lot more! He threw away his beautiful, loving family with loving parents.

Yes, parents and kids have squabbles. He got mad and left. For whatever reason he wasn’t able to reconcile.

Did his pride keep him away? Was he embarrassed about his former behavior? Is he selfish? I don’t know his entire story but I just hate that your dad is hurting.

The only thing I can think of is that your brother may be in dire financial trouble. What else could make him act the way he did? Your brother was quite transparent in his actions. Your dad is smart and knows what angle your brother is coming from.

I am not making any excuses for him and honestly it is none of my business. I am just responding to your posting.

Take care.
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Need, My brother is smart, extremely good looking, friendly, but a selfish streak. Our parents gave us every opportunity.

I thought of possible financial problems. But I don’t think so. Over the years My parents hired someone to check on him. He’s never had problems and I know that they checked about four months ago.
He simply wants to cash in if he can.
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Bridger,

How terribly sad. That’s awful. You must be devastated discovering how he feels. That’s pretty shallow.

That being said, some people are heavily in debt. They can also lose money in a short amount of time if it isn’t managed well.

Again, I am not defending any of your brother’s actions. He hurt your family. People make mistakes. Your dad was perfectly willing to forgive. Your father is genuinely kind and loving.

You’ve just proven once again how lovely your parents were to him. There is no question in my mind that they gave him unconditional love.

For your father to get his hopes up only to be dashed in very unsettling.

I completely understand your father’s emotions in this matter and I feel that he is justified. Your dad wasn’t just disappointed but he was deeply hurt. It’s heartbreaking.

What parent doesn’t want the very best for their children? They teach children to become independent and reach their goals. They teach values. As you say, they gave all of you their best and he somehow went off track.

He’s smart and handsome but lost out on his family. He could have mega millions of dollars but you would be richer because you have your dad.

If he isn’t suffering financially, why do some people always want more? When does it turn into greed?

Plus, he deserted the family. He has nerve to come back to ask for money! Did he even explain why he wanted the money? Anyway, it’s up to your dad what he chooses to do with his money.

I think your dad is entitled to do as he is doing, which is counting his blessings with the beautiful daughter that he has. You are a blessing to him!
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Thanks again, Quebec 1 & 2 🇨🇦
Another fire is out!
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Need, I’ve found out why my brother and niece were visiting. She’s entering physician’s assistant school in January. About $25,000 a semester. My brother can help her some, but not that much at his age. She should have just asked. Dad would have agreed to pay and I wouldn’t have objected if asked. Not sure what happens next. I think Dad wants to get in touch again.
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Bridger,

Okay, that surely explains an awful lot. Looking at it from that perspective is telling.

Perhaps that is why your niece was stand-offish. She most likely felt awkward.

She’s young and doesn’t have the life experience to understand these situations and remained quiet.

Your brother wants to offer his daughter his best. I get that. I also get that sometimes people need a little help to get over a hump. He is trying to avoid paying back expensive student loans so he asked your dad for help.

Fine, but he didn’t even consent to visit your mom’s grave. That is a shame and I don’t blame your dad for being upset about it.

Your dad has a beautiful heart so it doesn’t surprise me that he is willing to provide for his grandchild.

He doesn’t want his grandchild to be left out. How sweet and quite generous of your dad.

He has no vengeance in his heart. There is a special special place in heaven for people like your dad. Don’t you think?
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I wish there was a way I could save threads that I want to read or refer back later on in some separate category other than "Following" which right now has close to 1400 threads.

For example, I want to save the "How to care for myself while aging (late 70s)?" There are so many good ideas, suggestions, and advice that I want to refer back later when I need. But how can I find it easily, or even remember that it's there? A few months from now, it will be buried in the jungle of threads under the "Following" category.

Wish there can be another category called "Saved" so you can save just the threads you want.

Agingcare admin, how about that?
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Good idea, Polar. It would be easier than doing a search on everything that we like.
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Can't you just bookmark the thread on your browser Polarbear?
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I just wanted to let you know that I am feeling better... Could go to a day spa yesterday.
I realize mine is not such a bad situation but it has been going on for more than 10 years... With ups and downs but I was feeling hard to carry the responsability of my mom's health on my shoulders for so long.
I read something which explains perfectly what I mean:
A psychology teacher showed a glass to the class. Everybody thought it was again the half full/half empty glass story. Instead the teacher asked how much it weighted. Every body tried to answer... The teacher explained its weight depended on how long you hold it.
Well, my glass is not so heavy but I have been holding it for nearly 11 years!
I am now allowing myself to take a little time to rest.
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Anche71: Eleven years is a long time! God bless you.
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Big EQ in Sand, Alaska, followed by more. 10/19/2020
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Is anyone else having trouble loading their news feed? Everything else seems fine but the lag there keeps getting longer and longer for me
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Good night everyone! I have to make masks deliveries! Selling them for $10 -$20. Sold bunches of them. Whew!

Will start working on Christmas orders tomorrow.

Take care!
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7.5 in Sand Point, Alaska.

Yes, Cwillie, there is a lag. And I cannot explain what it is, but my computer is just not right.

Our electricity at home was out this morning when we woke up, it is back on.

Then really active earthquakes in Alaska, and even though we did not feel them, it is disconcerting to hear of so many, so large, and at first a possible Tsunami warning on the coast, which was cancelled.

I think the one thing that bothered me the most was a sickening post 😳🤮🙈😩😫😱on social media, causing me to 'hide' post, see less; snooze person for 30 days; then unfriend; next, go Block that family member!

All I can think of right now is to put on my jammies and go to bed early.

Hoping everyone here tonight gets some good sleep, a restful sleep, with a new start on Tuesday morning. (or whatever morning it is for you all over the world).

Hope you get your News Feed working CW.
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cwillie: I've noticed for a while that there is a lag/delay.
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Fires are terrible here this year. Never seen anything like it. Three times the largest wildfire in the state, in history. Two may possible merge, if they do, more than 380,000 acres. Pleas for help to evacuate livestock. I am sure many of you have been to either Grand Lake, Granby or Estes Park, Rocky Mountain National Park. All three have been under mandatory evacuation orders. Smoke has been in my area for two months. Ash as big as golf balls falling 80 miles from the fires. Ash covering cars 100 miles away.

Keep Colorado in your thoughts, please. It is so depressing brings tears to my eyes so hard on those people and animals directly impacted.😞

Come on colder weather and tons and tons of snow! Got some overnight but not in the most needed areas. Time to get out winter sweaters. High to be in the 20's through the weekend and into next week.
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The fires in Colorado are terrible. Snow and cold need to come sooner rather than later.
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Yeah, you guys have fires too right. We have them here to in California. Like you said, bring on the rain and cold now!
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CA's overpopulation with crowded roads due to lack of affordable housing has forced employees to travel longer commutes to pollute the air with vehicle exhausts that pushes rain cloud belt far, farther north. The results are prolonged Bay Area droughts, now about year-round. It never rains 24 hours anymore. The last real morning rain I experienced was on March 16, 2020, and I forgot my nice umbrella at work the day I got sent home because of Covid, never to return to that job again. With such unnaturally dry brush and dead trees, high winds in elevations start firestorms. CA is turning into a desert. Spare-the-air AQI is now the new normal with our Covid. PG&E now threatens to turn power off from dangerous conditions, so I now keep a packed suitcase and filled auto fuel tank handy in case evacuation is necessary, except for lucky SF pea soup fog region where I Iive. But my summers are warmer too.
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Will more Covid's work from home spare some air quality? Good question!
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I wish this Covid mess was over. My husband is still in Wisconsin working at a hospital. I worry that he’ll catch it and bring it home. He’ll be finished on Wednesday and then he has to quarantine for two weeks. Dad’s going to stay at the Assisted Living during that time. Our sons and pregnant DIL will have to stay away. Sons do not like being separated from their dad. I guess I’ll be playing gatekeeper. I truly hope this is the last time my husband accepts one of these assignments.
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Did Luckylu have a tornado in Missouri on the 21st? 🌪
Prayers Luckylu!
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I read a lot of comments on here about nursing homes. Everyone has their story and I know from many I’ve heard , many are true. I always encourage people to report their problems. No one deserves to be neglected, mistreated or left unattended. I wouldn’t want that for anyone or myself.

I was personally attacked by a poster today and one of her remarks was that I was running a business with big fat profit margins. I don’t know the margins of other facilities, but in ours that is totally untrue. Our margin, as owners is so low that neither myself, my husband or father draw a salary. We never have. We put our profits back into our facility - new equipment, extra staff, etc.
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I'm so sorry about that, Bridger. Some folks don't realize that there is a difference between family run and corporate run facilities.
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Send...Thanks for the prayers.
No tornadoes came and got us- thankfully.
My Dad always said we lived in a valley and that's why we lucked out from getting hit,but there was a horrible one in Joplin ,60 miles away ,years ago and it did Alot of damage and was way too close for comfort and that one was super scary.
Anyway,we're ok and thanks~
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Thanks for checking in Luckylu! Glad you are ok.
I do think the news is inaccurate, especially now that they leave most dates/yrs off their newslines.
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My dear dH just informed me that it was a plateau,not a valley, so that's why tornadoes have gone around us.AND he said 226 people died in the Joplin tornado too.Sorry about that~I goofed up.
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There is a growing dialogue in my country that asserts that the government must take over all nursing homes but IMO whether they are run by not for profits, corporations, municipalities or families there are the good, the bad and the ugly - from my observation extra gov't oversight has meant that staff spends time filling out paperwork rather than providing care. The CBC recently reported that in my province the same facilities are cited over and over again and nothing ever changes because there are no real consequences (something I already knew). Most facilities are so short staffed that they will hire just about anyone who has the proper qualifications so bad employees who are incompetent or abusive just get bounced to the next facility, that goes for RNs too (seems we've forgotten Elizabeth Wettlauffer already). The core problem lies in the fact that we don't really value the elderly and/or disabled and therefore we don't value the people who care for them either, we warehouse the former and underpay the latter.
(rant over)
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