Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Thinking of you this morning. Sending you a special prayer and big hug.
Early
Wonderful expressive writing. One thing I would add is that no one is perfect so even a truly very good friend can let you down or hurt you unintentionally - but not regularly or often.
You are definitely worthy of love and support! You are on the hearts of many as you go through this trial. More ((((((((hugs))))))) 💛💛💛
She wants to make sure this is the route I want to take. So many women get terribly emotional when facing this. I really have not been at all.
The thing that is hardest is the impact on my kids lives. And coming to the realization that I will really need help. Had to tell some neighbors for lawn care help, checking mail, checking in on Ming. It is hard for me to depend on anyone.
This. Hits. Hard.
The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.
Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.
From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.
From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.
From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.
From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when s*** got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.
From all the lies and all the betrayals.
You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.
Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.
You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?
You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.
Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.
So, you don’t trust anyone.
And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.
To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.
“Never again,” you vow.
But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.
Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.
Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.
It’s a trauma response.
The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.
You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.
You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.
You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.
You are worthy.
Worthy.
Simply because you exist.
-Jamila White, @inspiredjamila
How was your shopping experience with pants? Hope you found the right size.
I love sun dresses One of my all time favorites is about 20 years old and it still looks new. It is pretty blue and navy color with small white pearls at the neckline, 100% cotton. It is the most comfortable cotton dress I ever had. I was at a store the other day and a young woman kept looking at me and fianlly told me she loved my dress and it was her kind of style. I told her it was old but my favorite.
My mom and I saw Riverdance. It was wonderful and so uplifting. I would love to learn step dancing but I think I am not so coordinated as I used to be. LoL.
I totally agree about the selection of glasses - they're not for the average working person!
And the frames from Lenscrafters always start shifting after a while, pinching the sides of my nose. I got so tired of going back there that I'll never go there again, and I might just return to the ophthalmologist who handled the cataract surgery.
Check the receipt for the glasses, if you bought them. When I got my last pair, the pandemic was beginning to accelerate, and I really didn't want to be in the store for any longer than to get my frames. Later, I found that they ONLY have 20% blue light protection.
We consumers are being exploited on many levels.
Happy clothes shopping. I am waiting until I take off 10 pounds and then I will shop and hopefully by the end of the summer. I love the discounts at the end of the season.
Oh yes mom is full of sunshine and people just love her. We had a little singing session in the car today and she knew most of the Irish songs. She starts moving her legs up and down and smiling. I just love it. Her big blue eyes are stunning and shine through with joy and love. I enjoy her so much.
When Riverdance first debuted, I did some research and learned that in fact there is a local dance company whose instructor teaches step dancing. If only I were younger and could dance that rapidly ...sigh....
And for dance lovers, have you ever watched Mickela Mallozzi's Bare Feet? She's a dancer herself, and travels the world to learn and demonstrate dances typical to various countries. The episodes always include instructional sequences, which I couldn't pick up quickly enough, but I'm sure those with good dance background could.
But just watching inspires me to get up and start prancing around and get some good exercise.
Thanks for shaing your experience. I am glad the biopsy was benign. You just made me feel better. I am trying to take one day at a time and after all it could be benign.
Sending prayers. I had a biopsy years ago. Mine was a solid mass though. It’s unnerving to go through. Thankfully, it was benign.
I am not cheap. I don’t mind paying a fair price, but come on, $500 just for frames! Then another $500 for the antiglare progressive lenses! It’s crazy! I am going to look at other places for less expensive frames. I don’t need expensive designer frames!
Early
Praying for rain. ☔️
🌦🌧🌨💧 Just enough.
Celtic music is beautiful! Your mom sounds so precious! I bet she was so full of life when younger and brought joy to everyone that she met.
Talk later, I have to go exchange some pants that I bought. When I tried them on at home. I was disappointed that they are too big. I hope they will have a smaller size. I find pants are a hard fit! Dresses are actually cooler in our climate, but I needed some new casual pants and I hadn’t bought any in awhile. I thought these would fit. Nope! They are baggy. Grrrrrr.
Nothing is cut true to size these days. I hate that we can’t just grab a size and go. Some run small, some run larger. The size on the label means nothing anymore.
She (Rosie) can do the cooking and cleaning! 😊
That could very well happen in the near future. I was reading about a housekeeper robot.