Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
glad - hope your coffee place starts up again. That's such a nice habit.
ff and Ll -Yikes! I hope not.
(((((bridger))))) sorry you are stuck there for 2 more months and will miss the births.
Leaves already falling here. Fall colour season is very short.
Hope that your ambulance ride worked out and that you get a lighter weight cast.
Golden, Brings back happy memories and is comforting if I have too much on my mind.
waiting on the ambulance to come. I hope I get a lighter cast. I can't lift my leg with the one I have now. I'll still have to keep it elevated all the time.
Glad, Hope you get a new coffee shop.
It will be interesting to see if there is an announcement today. Where will I go on Saturday?
The owner had talked about moving to a larger space on Main St. So many vacant store fronts there. Maybe new owner opening a new space? A friend is the city economic development director, but I would think she would know. But, hush, hush?
Rumination. I catch myself revisiting the same hurtful topics in my mind pretty often. The best thing I've learned to do is to to mentally change the channel. The channel switches back on me without my noticing, but then I can change it again as soon as I notice it. And again. And again. I think about anything else in that moment that helps me smile, even if it's a fake/forced smile at first. :-) I wish I had a better solution. I wish I didn't think so often about how my mother and brother have impacted me in hurtful ways. It's funny-strange because my caregiving years were to my father, and definitely the hardest years of my life... but that's not what hurt the most. The negative "voices" and situations in my head always involve my mom and my bro and their reactions to different things I went through in childhood and caregiving -- their constant, lifelong treatment -- but not the more discrete negative circumstances of those situations. It's interesting what impacts our mental health the most. Some studies I've read for school on childhood abuse and PTSD indicate it's not the most acute tragedies in our lives that contribute to persistent symptoms, but instead it's the chronically hurtful, emotionally-confusing situations over time. (That's my non-expert takeaway 😉).
Gershun -- I need a new hobby, too, away from thinking about things that hurt me. I can relate. lol I hope you find the help you deserve. Practicing CBT methods and distracting myself through positive ways -- anything else but that same old script -- helps me. It takes a lot of effort on my part, though. My picture should be in the dictionary next to "neurotic personalities." I like to watch/read true crime stuff but not sure that's the best thing for me sometimes. lol Losing a pet is very hard. And changing hormones add another complex layer. Big hugs.
Golden -- I take inositol, and other supplements you've discussed, every day now. I appreciate your input and your experience with these supplements, and with CFS and Fibromyalgia issues, and I try daily to find supports and to keep on. I knew I was physically crashing after caregiving -- something had drastically changed for me during those 6 years -- and I asked my mother about different ways to find assistance somewhere, with family, that could provide me with a stable environment for a bit. Those ideas were harshly shot down. I didn't pursue it any further. I appreciate that struggles make us stronger, but I also know that I hurt and want to sleep from the time I wake up until I go to bed again, every single day with very few exceptions. The supplements help, I think, because I'm doing it, I'm moving forward. Thank you for the kudos!!! I take gabapentin every day now, when I feel an overload of muscle pain. It's a small dose but it gives me something to dull the ache. I'd prefer nutritional supplements rather than pharmaceutical stuff. Big (((((hugs))))) back at ya.
Bridger - it helps doesn't it?
((((((ali)))))) I know you will get your school work done. I think it is a great idea to go part time. You are carrying a very heavy load. Middle son D worked full time though with very flexible hours and did full time school, but he still lived at home with me and though I did not do laundry etc for him ( I was working too) he had a secure peaceful place household that was supportive of him. And he is a very laid back person who doesn't get upset about much - just who he is - and not that he had much to get upset about. You are in a very different situation. I'm sorry about the aches. Robax helps me at those times. The more I have destressed my life the less I have aches and pains. I recently found out that while acetyl L-carnitine helps with brain function, L-carnitine helps with muscle strength. I had only been using the former and have added the latter to my supplement regime. I think it is helping. You are making great progress!!!
I'm thinking about moving to part time school for my last year in the BS program. That would give me more time to sort out how to do entry level/internship requirements for some of the positions I'm eyeing for the future... and covid is still a factor for consideration, limiting some things.
Everything is good enough. I can't complain. But I'm tired, and achy, and it's just wearing on me. Thanks for giving me a place to put this down. "Ain't no use in complaining when you got a job to do." Canadian Bryan Adams... I thought he was cute when I was in high school, all over MTV with his rugged good looks.
I have about 3 more pressing days of school to finish out work for this term. I'm beat. Somehow, it will get done.
Guess I won't go for a walk.
I too am a night-time-ruminator.. sigh. I read somewhere that the memory & thought brain cells are still active but the problem-solving cells have switched into downtime. A-ha! So round & round the thoughts go.
I
Iacknowledge them (oh you again) then say see you later (sod off) & try some menial mental task to distract ie saying the alphabet backwards. Picturing a 10 move yoga practice is my current fav.
I chucked the HRT recently too & slipped into a grey place (v similar to going off the pill when younger). But not a black place. It's manageable.
I keep reminding myself if it cannot be cured (feeling grey) then contain. To add extra kindness for myself.
RIP furry Daniel.
Gershun, sending some kind thoughts your way 🤗
I've just been thinking about things a lot lately. Is there anyone else out there who thinks too much like me. Who lays in bed at night ruminating about things that happened a long time ago? I hope I'm not the only one.
I relive my care giving days with my mom and second guess stuff. Why I continue to torture myself God only knows. Maybe I need a new hobby?
I have been struggling a lot lately with depression. Partly cause I'm weaning myself off of hormone replacement I suspect. My gyno suggested that sixty should be the cut off point for that and as I'm turning sixty in a little over a month that's what I've been doing. I'm really worried that I'll go into a full blown funk when I'm off of them completely and I really don't want to go down the antidepressant road again. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. I understand they are very helpful for some people so I'm not suggesting they are bad. Just not good for me.
I've really been missing my cat Daniel who we had to get put down in August too. I took his passing really hard. We still have his brother but he's sad too. I won't get another one now though. I think it would be unfair to him. Maybe one day but not now.
So, that's what's on my mind today. Thx for reading. :)
Of course, I looked it up.