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Thanks. It was rough going when mom was living in my home.

I absolutely burned out. She wasn’t agreeable and argued about all sorts of things. I wore myself out trying to make her comfortable.

So, I guess I wasn’t sure what to expect from her.

I am so happy that she has accepted being in hospice. It’s better for her, better for the family. They can do so much more than we can for her.

I am like you. I don’t judge anyone for not subjecting themselves to pain. We must protect ourselves.

Thanks for your support. I appreciate it very much.
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Chris,

I am actually amazed by my mom’s change in behavior.

It seems the addition of Seroquel and Ativan have helped her tremendously.

I am all for utilizing meds when needed. She isn’t agitated at all. She is calm and pleasant.

I brought her several different kinds of single serving ice creams today.

She had one after her lunch. She has never been a large woman but now she is extremely thin.

The staff check on her hourly. She has a call button for in between their visits, so she is well cared for. I couldn’t be happier with their service.

I have always praised hospice for their dedication to their patients.

I saw the same level of care when my brother was in a hospice house. It’s wonderful to have peace of mind in these situations.
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NHWM,
My goal is to support you rather than make you cry.
The estrangement you experience with your mother is not going to disappear because she is in hospice, or because she is glad to see you there.

You can forgive her overall, but the threat of her saying something to you that really hurts and may undo you for years to come is possible. That may be something that could make you nervous. There was Burnout, that was real. Takes time to heal.

Everyone is different. You can go see her. Or, you can withdraw from her final hours if that is better for you.

There is no judgment of you whatever you choose to do.

I could not travel again to see my Mom after the visits I had made. I was not there when she died. I am not hard-hearted, and have no regrets for not going that last month.
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Thanks NeedHelp. I'm finding it does help to think of and reach out to others. Thinking of you and your mum at this time. Xxx
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Chris,

You’re not pathetic at all. You’re a human being with emotions.

Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Thanks Needhelp, I feel a bit pathetic.
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Thank you Bridger. It's reassuring to know it's not just me. If I think about it, in less than 2 years I've lost my dad, 2 uncles, an aunt and unexpectedly a cousin whose funeral was just a day before my MIL became very ill. Then we can add in Covid too, and the isolated way we have all had to live. I still feel I am fortunate compared to many. In mid April our pubs and restaurants will be allowed to open for outdoor dining. We are so looking forward to meeting 2 friends who we haven't seen since January 2020. We have booked an outdoor table at a restaurant owned by some mutual friends of ours. They have had a really difficult year of being closed for more months than open, so we want to support them. It will be very cold and possibly wet, typical UK April weather, but it will be wonderful to reconnect after so long.
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Chris,

I hope you start to feel better soon.

I feel a range of emotions at this point in time too.

We’ll get through it.
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Chriscat83, We talked about at church last evening. Everyone seems to feel the same way. So much has gone on in the last year. Both of my parents have died and I’m having delayed grief from that. My husband and son both had Covid and have been diagnosed with long haulers syndrome. It’s all overwhelming. Cindy
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Why am I feeling so low? I had my first Covid jab 10 days ago with no ill effects, my son is home from Uni this Saturday, it is Springtime, we finally seem to have Covid under control for a while at least, and we are out of winter. Yes, my MIL is in a hospice now, but I am feeling worse now than when she first became very ill nearly 2 weeks ago. I just want to weep constantly, but feel a fraud as others have it so much worse. Is this a delayed reaction to the stresses we've all been under for the past 12 months? I took a walk in a local park earlier today to try to lift my mood. The cherry blossom was out but I just wanted to cry with despair. Anyone have any ideas, or maybe feeling the same way?
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Llama, Glad you’re home.

Our governor has announced that festivals will be able to return this year after Covid shutdowns last year. I love our small town festivals and parades.
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Llama, great you are home. Hope you get well real soon. Take good care of yourself. Hugs.
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Welcome home Llama, that is good news!
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So glad you are back home Llama!
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Llama, so glad you are home!

NHWM, ((((((hugs))))))) and good thought to you and your mom.
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Thanks so much for your kind words, Chris.
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Glad you are home, Llama.

I hope you feel better soon.

Take care.
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Glad you are home Llama. Have a good rest and take care of yourself.
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I was released from the hospital late yesterday. I still must rest, take prescribed medications, have a f/u appointment with my PC doctor (after having just seen her 2 and 1/4 days prior from calling EMS) and see a pulmonologist. Of course, I am not back to full strength.
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NeedHelp, so sorry to hear about your mum in hospice. I think it’s quite natural for you to have a mixture of conflicting thoughts at this time, and a lack of sleep plus heightened anxiety will certainly make this worse. Maybe you don’t want to speak to a hospice nurse because you don’t want to hear them spell out the situation? There is no right or wrong way to act at this time - you can only do what feels right and what you feel capable of doing on a day to day basis. Guilt shouldn’t come into any decisions you make. Sending love and hugs during this really difficult time.
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Crappy weather here today. Flash flood warnings so I don’t want to be out in it. I wanted to go see my mom in hospice but it has been storming here.
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cwille,

You hit the nail on the head. I don’t want to have regrets.

I was at the hospital and rehab all the time with daddy.

I saw my brother before he died too. He didn’t last very long in hospice, a few weeks. I was there. He left once to go home but returned shortly afterwards.

I guess I am a bit scared. I don’t know how I would react if I saw her actually die.

Her room has an attached sitting area. Only two people are allowed to visit during Covid.

I am not going to stay away and I stay for awhile. I don’t show mom that I am anxious. Deep inside I feel some anxiety.

Thanks for responding. I want objective opinions so I can see all sides.
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Of course you have to decide for yourself NHWM but I can tell you I regret not having the courage to be with my brother and my father more in their final days/hours, others were willing to take the lead and I was more than willing to step back and let them.
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Thanks NeedHelp. I appreciate your update. Sad about her dog.
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NeedHelp.
I get like that too sometimes. I am relived your mom is calm and has Ativan if she gets agitated and it is a good medication. It helped both my dad and brother during their last days.
Hope you can get some rest today. Perhaps a nap in the afternoon.
The shooting was terrible, we live in such a crazy world. I feel sad for the families.
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EB,

I messaged NobodyGetsIt. She’s busy with her sick elderly dog.
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I couldn’t sleep last night. Crazy dreams, the Colorado shooting and my mom in hospice.

I am so restless. I pray. I realize everyone leaves this earth. I know that my mom is ready.

Mom is calm. If she is agitated the nurse gives her Ativan. So, I trust that she is comfortable after I leave the hospice facility.

Has anyone ever felt that they want to go everyday but feels that it’s hard to do?

I went just about everyday when she was in rehab.

This is different. I know it’s mom final place. It’s getting to me. Why is this happening? You know, the anxiety. I lost my father in 2002. I know that parents die.

I know mom is peaceful and is expecting her death. She’s not afraid or anything like that.

You know what she told me yesterday? That she loves the color of her walls. They are a very pale peaceful green that has a gray undertone. Green is one of her favorite colors. Blue and green are her favorites.

I feel pressured to be there. She is so happy that I am there. Yesterday I stayed a long time.

I don’t know if I could watch her die. I feel bad that I am so anxious about that.

I don’t know exactly how long she has left.

I’m scared to talk to the nurse about it like I spoke to the hospice nurse about my brother.

Maybe everything is more upsetting because I didn’t sleep well last night.
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NobodyGetsIt, thinking of you and hope you are doing well. Hugs.
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Llama, thinking of you and praying for you. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs.
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Need: Still sick and in hospital. Ty.
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