Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Okay, that surely explains an awful lot. Looking at it from that perspective is telling.
Perhaps that is why your niece was stand-offish. She most likely felt awkward.
She’s young and doesn’t have the life experience to understand these situations and remained quiet.
Your brother wants to offer his daughter his best. I get that. I also get that sometimes people need a little help to get over a hump. He is trying to avoid paying back expensive student loans so he asked your dad for help.
Fine, but he didn’t even consent to visit your mom’s grave. That is a shame and I don’t blame your dad for being upset about it.
Your dad has a beautiful heart so it doesn’t surprise me that he is willing to provide for his grandchild.
He doesn’t want his grandchild to be left out. How sweet and quite generous of your dad.
He has no vengeance in his heart. There is a special special place in heaven for people like your dad. Don’t you think?
Another fire is out!
How terribly sad. That’s awful. You must be devastated discovering how he feels. That’s pretty shallow.
That being said, some people are heavily in debt. They can also lose money in a short amount of time if it isn’t managed well.
Again, I am not defending any of your brother’s actions. He hurt your family. People make mistakes. Your dad was perfectly willing to forgive. Your father is genuinely kind and loving.
You’ve just proven once again how lovely your parents were to him. There is no question in my mind that they gave him unconditional love.
For your father to get his hopes up only to be dashed in very unsettling.
I completely understand your father’s emotions in this matter and I feel that he is justified. Your dad wasn’t just disappointed but he was deeply hurt. It’s heartbreaking.
What parent doesn’t want the very best for their children? They teach children to become independent and reach their goals. They teach values. As you say, they gave all of you their best and he somehow went off track.
He’s smart and handsome but lost out on his family. He could have mega millions of dollars but you would be richer because you have your dad.
If he isn’t suffering financially, why do some people always want more? When does it turn into greed?
Plus, he deserted the family. He has nerve to come back to ask for money! Did he even explain why he wanted the money? Anyway, it’s up to your dad what he chooses to do with his money.
I think your dad is entitled to do as he is doing, which is counting his blessings with the beautiful daughter that he has. You are a blessing to him!
I thought of possible financial problems. But I don’t think so. Over the years My parents hired someone to check on him. He’s never had problems and I know that they checked about four months ago.
He simply wants to cash in if he can.
Your brother did show a lack of respect for your dad by not going to the cemetery. The location of the cemetery should not have made any difference to him. Your parents have the right to choose their final resting place.
You are a lovely woman who isn’t blind to your brother’s shortcomings and are naturally disappointed but you don’t have vengeance in your heart.
I admire your attitude immensely. I wish that we had more people in this world like you.
Your father’s heart was crushed by your brother. I am so happy that he has you as his daughter. You are so caring and loving.
As for what to do after he dies, I would respect his wishes in not telling your brother about his death but I think that your dad loves you so much that he would want you to be at peace and would understand whatever you chose.
Isn’t it interesting how siblings can be raised by the same parents, taught wonderful values by our fathers and can be so different? We have the same situation in my family. My siblings and I are very different!
You and I appreciate and feel blessed to be raised by our fathers. I will always love my dad. He died in 2002.
Your bother has been away from the family for far too long. Your dad missed him. He disappointed your dad horribly. It is sad that your dad lost his son. The way I see it though, your brother missed out on a whole lot more! He threw away his beautiful, loving family with loving parents.
Yes, parents and kids have squabbles. He got mad and left. For whatever reason he wasn’t able to reconcile.
Did his pride keep him away? Was he embarrassed about his former behavior? Is he selfish? I don’t know his entire story but I just hate that your dad is hurting.
The only thing I can think of is that your brother may be in dire financial trouble. What else could make him act the way he did? Your brother was quite transparent in his actions. Your dad is smart and knows what angle your brother is coming from.
I am not making any excuses for him and honestly it is none of my business. I am just responding to your posting.
Take care.
You’re correct that some people are not comfortable visiting cemeteries. Intense emotions are attached to how they feel about visiting a cemetery.
Some care deeply for family members who have died but find cemeteries creepy so they don’t go. Others find comfort in having a place to visit and remember their loved ones.
I used to be afraid of cemeteries when I was young. Everyone here visits cemeteries often, We have unique cemeteries. We even have tours for visitors.
I grew to totally appreciate them as sacred resting places for our deceased. They are also a place for us to go and reflect on their lives.
We have beautiful cemeteries here in New Orleans. We honor the lives of those who have died.
You are an awesome daughter for hosting him and his daughter for your dads sake.
Now you all know and that is the good thing that has had. Like polar bear said, it is important for any parent to know and not wonder.
Job well done!
I think the visit settled my Dad’s mind on my brother. It was closure for him. I wish things had turned out differently, but it didn’t. My dad wanted to visit the cemetery where Mom is buried. My brother said no - he didn’t like where the cemetery was. It’s a family cemetery out in the country. He could have put forth that little bit of effort for Dad. My Dad told me not to bother notifying my brother when he passed. I hope Dad changes his mind about that. But not my call to make.
Family disappointment. Way too many of these situations.
I’m so sorry that your brother behaved this way. It’s very, very sad.
He built up your dad’s hopes only to disappoint him. Your dad doesn’t deserve that. None of you do.
I don’t blame you for being upset and I would not host another family gathering for him either. He blew it! You were gracious and he wasn’t appreciative at all.
I guess the only good thing is that your dad did get to see him. Sorry that your niece wasn’t more friendly. Your brother is setting a terrible example for her.
It makes us all wonder why these things happen. Trust me, all families have their issues with certain family members. Sadly, you aren’t alone.
Again, I am sorry.
But very sad that brother shows up to see if there's money for him. I hope your dad can take comfort in knowing he has a good caring daughter.
My brother looked good. His daughter is pretty. She seemed very bored visiting our tiny town. My brother made several snarky remarks which I let slide. My husband was very quiet (his normal demeanor when angry). My sons stopped by and after hearing a couple of his snarky remarks politely left.
My dad early on appeared very happy. We left for our usual after dinner walk. I thought it would give them a chance to talk privately. They were here for about 3 hours. After they left my Dad was quiet. He finally said he thought my brother had changed very little. He said his daughter was not very pleasant. He said my brother was trying to find out about his and my mother’s estate. My dad seemed sad when he went to his room. I feel so bad for him.
I guess what everyone says about the relatives always appearing if they think money’s involved is true. So sad.
I have no desire to host a return visit. But if my Dad wanted the visit, I would go along with him.
A couple quick clean up tips I read somewhere. Open curtains and let light in, that will brighten the rooms and makes them feel airy and clean. Also, a nice air freshener will make the rooms smell good and clean too.
Good luck.
The rain has been coming down heavy!
We aren’t in the direct path. The forecast predicted it would rain like this.
That’s life in Louisiana! I am ready for the hurricane season to end!
Thanks for the prayers. Was just watching television. Hubby fell asleep in his chair. Going to bed in a bit.
The storm is not hitting you straight on I understand. Is that correct? But lots of rain, and wind? Stay safe.
It must be a scary time for you and could trigger storms in the past that really affected you. And your communities, worried for them too.
Are you staying up all night?
Prayers for you, your family, and all of the persons in the path of the storm. Praying that the Lord weakens the storm, calms the wind, comforts your heart. He is good at that.
There are mummies, an entire graveyard, ghosts, etc in his yard!
He’s kind of weird. He goes over the top with everything! Oh my gosh! The fireworks on New Years or July 4th sounds like a war zone! He sets off freakin bombs!
Are you asking why we remained in New Orleans after Katrina or returned after the devastation of our city?
Many did relocate to our areas. It’s certainly understandable for those who did that.
Others though, our hearts are connected to this city. It is not an “anywhere USA” kind of place. It’s unique in many ways. Many people feel a European vibe when they experience the culture in our city.
Certain parts of New Orleans will never change and other parts are lost forever. I’m actually doing my family tree. Family ancestry is fascinating.
Would I ever leave the area? Not sure, yeah I think I would in the right circumstances.
I loved traveling to other places before being a caregiver to mom. Caregiving changes our lives. Traveling was very limited then. A weekend away here and there when I could find a sitter.
For now, Louisiana is home. I suppose it will always be home in my heart.
What about you? Did you grow up in Colorado? My daughter is loving Colorado. It is a beautiful state! We honeymooned in Colorado so it’s very dear to my heart. We flew into Denver, visited Vail, Estes Park, Colorado Springs, etc. It’s gorgeous there!
Hope you are feeling better today!
It’s a cat 3 storm. God bless Lake Charles. I feel for them.
I just hate seeing them get hit back to back.
Looks like New Orleans will not get the brunt of this storm. We can live with rain! We deal with rain quite a bit. Flooding can be an issue with hard rains.
Thanks Glad, I appreciate your kindness.
We evacuated to Texas for Katrina. I was very fortunate. We got a hotel suite and I called a good friend of mine in Texas to meet for lunch. She insisted that we stay with her. She lives in a huge house with plenty of room.
Some people foolishly thought they could ride out the storm. Sadly, many died.
A major issue with Katrina were the levees breaking.
Mom’s house had NEVER flooded before during storms. I remember as a child the street getting water for hurricane Betsy but it did not enter our home.
For Katrina when the levee broke mom got nine feet of water. It was horrible. I have awful memories, just awful. The residents of New Orleans will never forget Katrina.