On My Mind

cwille,

I don’t think you are lying though. You are prioritizing your time to care for you. That care can be emotional or physical care. See what I mean?

You know that you had a serious situation. I’m thrilled you are recovering better than you expected but you have to admit that it was a serious medical concern that you had to address.

Good idea to ask your sister. She may say no but it can’t hurt to ask.

My problem is that I don't know which would make me feel worse - lying that I am too ill or busy when I'm recovering better than I expected and wasting my days screwing around online, or sucking it up and visiting. If I could only get sister to come along for the visit (she's more of an extrovert and closer to his age), but I know I can't ever count on her for anything.

cwille,

I suppose you could shoot him an email back and say exactly what Gershun has said, explain that you are recovering from your own health issues and unfortunately don’t have much free time. Does that sound reasonable to you? I would understand if I received a message like that.

You can say that you will gladly run a couple of errands now and then.

When I was on complete bedrest my neighbor offered to do grocery shopping for me when she went to do her shopping. This woman had three young children, taught piano lessons, and so on. She was a busy woman so it threw me that she had the spare time to do a favor for me.

I graciously accepted her offer. When she delivered the groceries she wanted to put them away for me. Again I was surprised. I told her that I truly appreciated it but asked her to only place the cold things in fridge and to leave the rest because I knew that she was a busy woman. She smiled and said she would put the cold items in the fridge and then be on her way.

People don’t mind helping when others don’t take advantage. When my oldest daughter got home from school she put the remaining few groceries away.

Then she would pile up her school books and do her homework by my side. We would play board games in the bed or read books. I always felt badly for her that I had to remain in bed due to a high risk pregnancy but she talks about how fun it was to play board games on a big king sized bed.

Kids are so funny. So cute and sweet. They remember the time we spent with them. Precious memories.

C Willie, I get nervous sometimes just at the thought of making a phone call to reschedule a Dr.'s appt so don't feel too bad about overthinking this.

Well, a grocery run might involve a 15 or maximum 20 minute conversation whereas ducking out of a "visit" that quickly would just be impossibly rude.
I know I'm over thinking this. Fact is I've become something of a recluse since mom is gone and I know that's not a good thing.

"Get together" is quite a stretchy concept. Presumably you weren't planning to throw the groceries onto his porch as you drove at speed past his house? - so in a sense, a little bit of a get together was involved in your offer anyway (not that you might not have had second thoughts about it all the same).

Compromise: take him some fresh fruit, stop for a cup of coffee, and see how it goes.

Also, he couldn't very well reply to your kindness by sending you a list and not inviting you in, could he; so you should be okay just sticking to what you had in mind, more or less. "Try anything once except incest and Morris dancing," they say. How bad can it be? - and if it's worse (!) you won't have to do it again.

Willie, stand by your offer if you still feel like it but maybe make it clear that you've been recovering from your own health worries of late and need to take it easy. Maybe that will deter your cousin from expecting too much.

I recently found out that a cousin is having chemo for terminal prostate cancer and I reached out to him in a brief email with an offer to make a run for groceries or to the drug store if needed, now he has emailed back with a request to get together. Uhm, this really puts me on the spot because he is a lot older than I am and is basically a stranger to me - even growing up he was an adult when I was a child - and I really have with difficulty with this kind of social interaction. I really, truly meant it when I offered delivery services but I cringe at the though of anything more than that, and of course I feel like a total heel for wanting to find a way out of this.
Any advice?

I am in favor of locking all threads that are over 2 months old.

I know I can’t be the only one who has noticed but there seem to be a few people who get bored (I assume) and start reading old posts and responding to them! I’ve seen a few people reply multiple to posts that had been stagnant for months....I assume they were bored or something! I dislike it because it pushes new posts further down the newsfeed or on to the next page & makes it harder for them to be seen.

cwille,

That’s true too. Some posts aren’t current and they continue to have replies.

I'm more annoyed at the people who keep threads alive despite the fact the OP hasn't come back, or when they have posted an update that changes the original question or tells of a resolution. Sure, it can be hard to read an entire thread that has gone viral but there are often multiple posts trying to make people aware of relevant info that are also ignored.
IMO AgingCare needs to be a little bit quicker at closing inactive threads or those the OP has abandoned while still enabling the OP to post an update (long conversational threads excepted) - I have seen this on other forums so it isn't impossible.

Great point, onlychild.

Duly noted. Yes. we read Abby and Ann Landers. Also Heloise. Remember her? She had great tips for everyone.

Not a regular poster, but an avid reader. I have been thinking this for a long time, but never expressed it until I just saw Shell and Gershun post it on another thread, so here goes...
Why do we get so upset when original posters don't return? Some people even label them trolls! I find most of what I read here to be helpful, even if/when it's a bit harsh; regardless of whether the original poster comes back to re-engage.
Maybe it's because I am of the Dear Abby generation. I loved reading her column and we never got to hear back from the OP in that instance.
I guess I just think pointing it out doesn't invalidate what's been provided, nor does it mean the user is a troll!

All I had was 3 cups of coffee much earlier today, vs. only one.

The best dentist I ever saw, twenty years ago, recommended a piece of 7-grain bread to help me get to sleep, and stay asleep longer.


Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz💞zzzzzzzzz.
I think that I should keep one ear open, to see if I snore.

Oh MsMadge,
Sorry the Viking is sad. Maybe those special bears you buy for people will cheer her up. I am so glad she has you. She wouldn't be fed otherwise.

I sure hope things get better at that place. 💞💞💞💞💞

I'm in bed but can't sleep

tucked the Viking in tonight and asked her what she wanted for Xmas - she said she didn't care about anything -
I guess not 😥

Yeah but....I did not go to bed yet!

Going to bed now.

Goodnight, Send. I’m going to bed too.

Goodnight everyone!

Just read "Can't we talk about something more pleasant?" -- an illustrated book by Roz Chast about caring for her elderly parents. Has anyone else seen it? Funny, heartbreaking, and very honest. I recommend it to anyone on this forum; it'll make you feel less alone.

During the holidays to alleviate stress, going to bed earlier might help.

Some people have nothing to do and then there are other's who will never be thru~

Great news CWillie. I just read about you getting news that no more treatment needed. I bet that's a good feeling.

Is it just me or has this been a real witch of a year? Some blessings, of course, but, lots of heartache too. My dad took a downward turn and just returned home from rehab, I lost one of my best friends in the spring at age 59 and today, I just got a call from another good friend who's in surgical ICU. He's spinal cord surgery bound in a couple of days. He's almost 81 years old and I'm feeling pretty nervous. It makes me wonder what is going on?

I am no longer requesting anyone delete comments that are inappropriate for the AgingCare forum here.

I am just putting them in the TRASH where they belong!

LOL.

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CWillie, glad to hear that things are looking up! Congrats and hoping that you are feeling better every day!

Send, You’re exactly right about that thread. I don’t want to see that level of profanity. Totally inappropriate.

About 14" of snow three days ago, and still very cold. Winds are howling and quite blustery today. Roads all covered in snow again from ground blizzards. Very slick, almost worse now than earlier this week, because you don't know when you will hit a patch of ice, dependent on the wind speed and direction. Got out, had coffee and egg pie, then got shopping done, now I can just hunker down until Monday.

And blessed for a neighbor that cleared off my driveway, with his mini tractor, while I was away and upon return could get into the garage.

cw - Such good news!!! Happy for you. It must be a huge relief.

I got the official call yesterday - "no further treatment needed". It's not often you hear about someone celebrating a misdiagnosis (it was still cancer, just not the kind originally identified) and I can't help but wonder what life lessons I was meant to learn from all of that.
I am certainly overwhelmed by all the support and well wishes I've received both here and in real life.
I was forced to accept that I can't do it all alone and agree to allow people to help.
I for sure have a new empathy for people facing cancer and even surgery of any kind - it's not so routine as we pretend it is.