I haven’t been posting on the forum much since we moved because I’m getting questions answered here. But I still love the forum and look at it almost daily.
Several years ago, my wife was diagnosed with Early Onset Dementia. After some time of our roles reversing, we started looking at assisted living facilities. Reason being, it seemed she was going downhill rather rapidly. I had to help her shower, she was leaning way over to the right in her recliner, I had to take over her medications, finances plus keep up the house and yard work. I was getting overwhelmed; had caregivers come in to provide respite care for me.
It took me two years, and some of you and your advice on the forum, to finally accept moving to a ALF, not her. She was ready to move after touring the first place. We did tour other places.
We have now been in this facility seven months. My wife has improved, sits up straight in her chair, no leaning over. She enjoys participating in the various activities/crafts that are offered. I can’t say she’s back to normal (she never will be) but she’s much better now than before we moved.
We’re blessed with wonderful staff. The facility dispenses her meds for which I’m thankful. The staff is here for her when she needs help when I need to go out.
What am I missing in telling about our/her lives now? Let me know please.
Finally she moved into an ALF. I truly believe living there prolonged her life by 2 years.
She thrived at the ALF. She had a group of friends with whom she sat for every meal. They controlled her food intake so well she was able to come off insulin completely.
The ALF had long hallways and she pushed her rollater up and down the hallways and got the daily walking she needed (but could not do at home due to a steep driveway). She loved playing cards, bingo and especially loved bowling with the Wii.
I just tell about things hoping our “adventures” help at least one person somewhere, somehow.
As for a moving company, we went with the one this facility recommended . Also, perhaps as an enticement to sign up with this particular facility, we were offered free moving expenses. (That did not figure in to our decision in choosing this place). This moving company (a husband/wife team) deals only with seniors that are moving. They are used to moving folks into smaller apartments and know pretty much what will fit and what needs left behind to donate. They started at 8 am at our house. They boxed up some left over items, loaded everything into the truck, unloaded at the ALF, set up the bed, put furniture where we wanted it, put kitchen stuff away, and were gone before noon. We didn’t do anything except stay out of their way and tell them where to put things.
Nice that the crafts are enjoyable for your wife. Somehow she's straightened up-I thought that she would have had some physical therapy for that to have happened.
It certainly seems like an excellent fit for the two of you and I'm glad it has worked out so well.
And, the leaning! I remember that it was such a challenge for you both. So great that it has changed for the better! 🥳
She now has a slight dexterity problem with table silverware, getting food onto her fork or cutting something with the knife. I’ll watch her for awhile before making suggestions (use your spoon for peas) or offering to cut her food for her. Mostly the kitchen cuts her food ahead of time but there still might be some large pieces that need cut.
She used to correct me for answering “Yeah” to a question rather than yes. Now that’s what she says. Please and thank you are still in her vocabulary.
She needs more help now with getting dressed than before. I let her do as much as she can before asking me to help.
It’s all the little things added up telling me of how this disease progresses. As long as I’m able, I’m here for her. I know if our roles were reversed she’d be here for me. As we tell each other: “It’s in our wedding vows!” I tease her and tell that’s in the fine print on the back of our marriage license.
Are you finding things to enjoy for your well-being now that your wife has other options besides you?
We used an agency to help find a facility. The rep interviewed us and chose four facilities for us to tour. We tossed one right away as it was in another county. We didn’t want to change doctors nor be too far away from family. The rep went with us to each of the other three and was a big help in making sure we got all our questions answered.
As would other facilities, this one manages my wife’s meds and will provide 24 hour care for her should I not be around. That was a main point for me. The building was very clean and well-lit due to lots of windows and it has a very nice courtyard to sit around in during good weather. Other places lacked that.
My wife has been making crafts (wreaths for the door, sun catchers for the windows and various little things. We don’t have room to store things now days. She enjoys going to bingo.
As for her leaning over in her chair, I have no idea why she quit when we moved here. It’s a miracle!
Cheers!
It is so good to hear from you and to have this news.
I think what would help many people here, is why you chose one place over the other. What activities does your wife really enjoy? How did the leaning get fixed? In other words, the details of your sucess. Don't have to write it down all at once, maybe one or two things that really stand out.
So glad you both are in a better place.