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I haven’t been posting on the forum much since we moved because I’m getting questions answered here. But I still love the forum and look at it almost daily.



Several years ago, my wife was diagnosed with Early Onset Dementia. After some time of our roles reversing, we started looking at assisted living facilities. Reason being, it seemed she was going downhill rather rapidly. I had to help her shower, she was leaning way over to the right in her recliner, I had to take over her medications, finances plus keep up the house and yard work. I was getting overwhelmed; had caregivers come in to provide respite care for me.



It took me two years, and some of you and your advice on the forum, to finally accept moving to a ALF, not her. She was ready to move after touring the first place. We did tour other places.



We have now been in this facility seven months. My wife has improved, sits up straight in her chair, no leaning over. She enjoys participating in the various activities/crafts that are offered. I can’t say she’s back to normal (she never will be) but she’s much better now than before we moved.



We’re blessed with wonderful staff. The facility dispenses her meds for which I’m thankful. The staff is here for her when she needs help when I need to go out.



What am I missing in telling about our/her lives now? Let me know please.

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I was medical POA for a relative and she and I battled for 2 years about her need to go to an ALF (she didn't want to leave her home, although she was quite unsafe there). She had taken a number of falls, ate a lot of junk, was on oxygen and frequently had panic attacks, would not exercise as her doctor ordered, etc.

Finally she moved into an ALF. I truly believe living there prolonged her life by 2 years.

She thrived at the ALF. She had a group of friends with whom she sat for every meal. They controlled her food intake so well she was able to come off insulin completely.

The ALF had long hallways and she pushed her rollater up and down the hallways and got the daily walking she needed (but could not do at home due to a steep driveway). She loved playing cards, bingo and especially loved bowling with the Wii.
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My 89 yr old mom has improved greatly since her move to an Assisted Living Facility {Lewy Body Dementia Diagnosis}. She feels “safe” and her cognitive skills have actually improved. We believe it is the stable life, facility schedules and added activities. She laughs more, is less depressed and when we take her out weekly… she returns “home” {her word}. The stress on me is less for sure. Life is improved.
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Thanks again to all for your comments. They are appreciated!

I just tell about things hoping our “adventures” help at least one person somewhere, somehow.
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We did not have to pay for the agency that helped us find an ALF. Our ELA gave us several agencies to choose from and we chose the one she works with and is most comfortable with. It’s a nation-wide company. For me, the rep was like having one of my brothers along on the tours.

As for a moving company, we went with the one this facility recommended . Also, perhaps as an enticement to sign up with this particular facility, we were offered free moving expenses. (That did not figure in to our decision in choosing this place). This moving company (a husband/wife team) deals only with seniors that are moving. They are used to moving folks into smaller apartments and know pretty much what will fit and what needs left behind to donate. They started at 8 am at our house. They boxed up some left over items, loaded everything into the truck, unloaded at the ALF, set up the bed, put furniture where we wanted it, put kitchen stuff away, and were gone before noon. We didn’t do anything except stay out of their way and tell them where to put things.
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This is very encouraging to read. Thank you for telling us your experience.
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Thank you for sharing what is a very wise decision you made. Others will certainly benefit from the choice you made. I wish you and your wife the best
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((((((hallah and wife))))) Such great news. Thank you for sharing. Mother had very good care in ALFs. Your stress level must be significantly reduced.
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I did not know there were agencies and reps to help find the best facility.
Nice that the crafts are enjoyable for your wife. Somehow she's straightened up-I thought that she would have had some physical therapy for that to have happened.
It certainly seems like an excellent fit for the two of you and I'm glad it has worked out so well.
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I’m so glad to read about your success! 🎉

And, the leaning! I remember that it was such a challenge for you both. So great that it has changed for the better! 🥳
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Well……my wife did improve for the better here but I’ve started noticing little things she never did before, ever.

She now has a slight dexterity problem with table silverware, getting food onto her fork or cutting something with the knife. I’ll watch her for awhile before making suggestions (use your spoon for peas) or offering to cut her food for her. Mostly the kitchen cuts her food ahead of time but there still might be some large pieces that need cut.

She used to correct me for answering “Yeah” to a question rather than yes. Now that’s what she says. Please and thank you are still in her vocabulary.

She needs more help now with getting dressed than before. I let her do as much as she can before asking me to help.

It’s all the little things added up telling me of how this disease progresses. As long as I’m able, I’m here for her. I know if our roles were reversed she’d be here for me. As we tell each other: “It’s in our wedding vows!” I tease her and tell that’s in the fine print on the back of our marriage license.
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Hallah, that is so great to hear that your wife is doing better. That must be a huge weight off of your shoulders. Not to mention not having to be a caregiver, chief cook and bottle washer and maintenance man.

Are you finding things to enjoy for your well-being now that your wife has other options besides you?
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Thanks for all the comments.

We used an agency to help find a facility. The rep interviewed us and chose four facilities for us to tour. We tossed one right away as it was in another county. We didn’t want to change doctors nor be too far away from family. The rep went with us to each of the other three and was a big help in making sure we got all our questions answered.

As would other facilities, this one manages my wife’s meds and will provide 24 hour care for her should I not be around. That was a main point for me. The building was very clean and well-lit due to lots of windows and it has a very nice courtyard to sit around in during good weather. Other places lacked that.

My wife has been making crafts (wreaths for the door, sun catchers for the windows and various little things. We don’t have room to store things now days. She enjoys going to bingo.

As for her leaning over in her chair, I have no idea why she quit when we moved here. It’s a miracle!
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Excellent news Hallah! It's so nice to read uplifting news about an ALF rather than how 'horrible' things are in such 'places'; the doom & gloom stories that I've not found myself with having my parents living in 2 different ALFs for 7 years. I'm so happy the both of you are thriving and that your dear wife is feeling better!

Cheers!
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Great news!
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My brother's ALF was WONDERFUL and he improved as well after moving there and after my taking on POA and Trustee of Trust for him, doing all the bill paying and so on, taxes, what have you. They told me at the ALF MANY improved and were better once moving in and that those working would tease they wanted to be a resident, not a worker. But again, a very very special facility. I can to love some of those folks as did my brother. He went on tours of the homes of the stars, always loved homes and architecture and had spent his life buying poor properties and bring them back to glory. He went to movies which he hadn't done for years.
It is so good to hear from you and to have this news.
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This is wonderful news. I'm so glad that both of your lives have now gotten better with the move to AL.
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Wow! That's great! So pleased to read a positive outcome for ALF.
I think what would help many people here, is why you chose one place over the other. What activities does your wife really enjoy? How did the leaning get fixed? In other words, the details of your sucess. Don't have to write it down all at once, maybe one or two things that really stand out.
So glad you both are in a better place.
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