I usually don't get surprised or shocked when things happen. Yesterday was the exception. I have never understood why my sister(s) say things to me as I am caring for my husband. Neither sister has any close physical contact with us. One lives in another state and the other in a different city.
Yesterday I discovered that for the 37 years I've been married they thought I was bossy and mean to my husband. Not knowing I've been the object of their conversations for so long, I was totally shocked and began to hyperventilate.
Anyone who really knows us would be just as shocked as I was to hear this accusation. Now, I understand the family conflict caregivers have. Before I went to bed last night I realized that their perception was very warped.
I always seek to be open to suggestions. I realize we all need help. However, critical spirits need to hit the dust. Thanks so very much to all of you who encourage and contribute to our forum. It was a lesson for me as I have a daughter-in-law who has a tone when she talks and I often get my feelings hurt. I realized if my 2 sisters (who are happily divorced) can be so off base then I need to give my daughter-in-law a break too. I was judging and shouldn't have been.
Every couple has their own way to communicate. I am so thankful for the love I have received from my husband and the happy years we've had so far. Take care everyone and again THANKS.
To add humor to this I have to tell you something funny. My husband had been divorced for 12+ years before I met him. When grandchildren came around I became friends with his previous wife. We are good friends and she has taught me how to arrange flowers through the years. She is staying in our home as she has no electricity and she was here when my sister went off yesterday.
She said to me "Don't worry. I know if you were mean, he (my husband) would never stand for it." He no longer recognizes his first wife and knows she is our friend. It has been 11 years since his diagnosis and we've had challenges but no problems like so many have. I have been blessed beyond measure.
Wishing you all the best.
However, I do realize that because they do not know us, really know us - then they don't have the right to upset our apple cart. We've made great memories together and I don't need their validation. There is always a positive way to look at things - I don't want their interference as the disease progresses. Maybe this has stopped it from recurring.
So in the 37 years that you and your husband have been married, these sisters have spent a total of how much time in your company?
None to speak of, by the sound of it.
Why take their tittle-tattle to heart when you know very well that they don't know what they're talking about? Putting this upset aside, how much did you like your sisters anyway - enough to bother mending fences?
All of them said since I had a very stressful job that I needed to rest when I got home if I wanted to continue to work. I couldn't do surgery and I don't do pain meds well at all. My honey agreed he would be glad to help and he did. When I visited out of state to visit my one sister - I could hardly walk. So when I needed anything I would ask him to get it for me. Because I didn't say please and I asked throughout the whole visit for help from him they think he was henpecked. No one knows how hard I worked up to 50 hours a week (loved my job and it was rewarding). It never ever crossed my mind that that makes me "mean."
Now, I am in a wheelchair caring for him. I cannot get out of the chair and come beside him and he wants to continue to do. I use my regular voice to help him but when he just doesn't understand and he is possibly going to do something odd, I use my teacher voice. Example: He took his medicine and didn't want to finish his water so he thought the stove was the sink and he poured it all out. Of course, I said "Honey, Stop!" He didn't hear what I said because I used my sweet voice. But when he took the clothes to put in the microwave I did use my teacher voice so he stopped and looked back.
We are doing well right now and I am coping - he is so sweet and we work well together. I have redirected him to mop the floor (dry mop) to give him something to do so he doesn't try to do all the things he once did. He loves to fold clothes and does it well (my daughter's idea).
Being in a chair makes it so less painful for me. I am so blessed to have it. There isn't to many things I can't do. Loving him I can. Praising him I can. Yes, a command voice - I must.
Still in shock today and I am trying not to cry. I have been active as a teacher, deacon's wife and have the privilege of helping others. Kind of alone now, and I think they should mind their own business and told the one sister just that yesterday. The first thing I said to myself "Do others think this?" Now my one sister isn't speaking to me.
This time SIlence might just be golden.
Thanks for encouragement.
It sure sounds to me like she's got jealousy and resentment towards you. Maybe it's because you and your old man are still together after 37 years of marriage. Your sister needs to get told to STFU and mind her own business.