Promises, Promises...

I was at my GFs yesterday who is a good hearted person and would give you the shirt off her back. She has taken on the care of a husband, in her home, who she has been separated from for a long time. He is in rehab at the moment for a UTI and now needs to get his strength back. I saw him a few weeks ago and he could just about walk. She has promised him she would care for him and not put him in a home. Really, the reason they aren't together is because he is a "mean" drunk. Long story but I think she feels she owes him.

One thing I have learned here is to never promise. You never know where life is going to take you or your LOs. I would have loved to have had Mom living in her own home or mine till she died but that wasn't possible. I don't have the strength or the patience to be a caregiver. My brothers agreed with me. I never promised my parents I would keep them in their home or out of a nursing home and...they never asked. All we should say is "I will try my best".

Another thing that bothers me is children feeling parents owe them an inheritance. I have told my girls that money has been put away for our care. Thats what it is to be used for. I have "loaned" my daughter money and she has paid it back. They do not expect an inheritance and I feel I owe them nothing. My girls are strong independent women. They know we are there if they need us but don't take advantage of it.

What did these parents do that have children stealing from them? Why do these children feel it's OK and can justify it? Boggles my mind.

I hope that what we have all learned from this forum in never ask for a promise from a child. Its not fair to them to have the guilt that goes with not being able to keep it.