Saw something unsettling...

It’s an ice cold comment that shows she doesn’t want to get emotionally close to any one patient. I’d ask for someone else to care for your loved one! Or else I’d be worrying & constantly going over there to make sure everything is ok...& I wouldn’t be able to do any of the work I have to do .. hugs 🤗

Ebmick, you asked in an answer below if your looking this up is wrong. No, of course it isn't. I look up what people have to say on social media all the time. An open page without privacy settings is an open page.
If there were the laughing emojis as you said below, then I would sit this person down, present a copy, and just ask gently "Can you explain this to me?" If she didn't answer I would ask if it reflects her feelings or if she was trying to be "cute". I would tell her that this is a very dangerous practice, and that it could come to her loss of a job at the least.
You are not the only one trolling around Social Media.............Human Resources folks do it BIG TIME.

Again, thank you all for talking me off the ledge. I think I'm just taking every teeny tiny thing as a "sign" that I've done the wrong thing and I need to bring her back immediately. (Not to say we may not have to change and I'll constantly be aware of quality of care), but I needed some perspective.
Thank you all

I find it hard to believe that someone who not only studied to become a nurse but also went back to school to study for 2+ more years to become an NP does not care about her nursing home patients.

NPs often give better care than MDs. And that's what the joke was about - the stereotypical inability of doctors to be empathetic towards patients.

Death jokes abound. Seinfeld made an episode called The Apartment about getting a coveted apartment after the death of its elderly tenant.

"Squatch33," - So very true. A harsh reality we who have to use facilities to leave our loved ones in have to accept!

Very well said "GardenArtist.," my husband and I have never been on social media and we're glad. If I want to share anything with anyone, I pick up the phone, send an email or write a note. It's much more personal as I may talk about something to one person but, not necessarily share that same thing with someone else.

No. It wouldn't bother me. I don't fully understand the first sentence. It was not the NP, but someone else saying that this is what happens when someone dies? And then the NP said "This is wrong, but when you work in a Nursing Home......."??
I think what you are objecting to is someone's stark honesty. People who are not in nursing cannot know what sort of awful humor develops, a sad shoulder- shrugging sorrow toward the grim reaper who attempts to steal human dignity by the bucketful before he walks away with someone you are caring for.
She was very very foolish to post such a thing, but that is about the worst I can say of her. Because when you work in a hospital and you lose your patient, that is the sad truth. You are told you are next up for a new admission. Told that while you are wrapping what is an entire human life, and entire lifetime of living, and sending a body to the morgue.
You are not afforded the grieving the family feels. You were there to care for and help, and when that patient is gone ripped from you, and you won't have time for lunch before you are to do the same for the next patient.
This is tough to say, but life and death is what the First Responders and Health Care personnel deal with every single day. Loss is a constant. Can you even imagine triage? Because we were TRAINED in it. One would crumble under it if there were not a reality that sits in. If you cannot create some sort of protective wall you literally cannot function.
As a nurse there were times we did take a gut punch that had us leaning against the walls weeping. I always said that if we did not have these wakeup calls that this is an ENTIRE HUMAN LIFE, then we weren't worth the powder to blow us to Hades as a nurse. But if you lived there daily you could not function at all. For a nurse it is life and death in front of you every single day.
My bro spent the last year plus of his life in an Assisted Living Facility and we would sit outside mostly, in the Gazebo, looking at the beautiful grounds, and there would be ambulances and hearses coming and going as we sat, and you would be surprised at the "gallows humor" of the RESIDENTS. Not EVEN the caregivers.
If the caregiver knew this was seen she would be heartbroken, and embarrassed. And you know what, for her OWN GOOD, I would go to her and say "You know, hon, we all do Social Media these days. Trust me, you don't want anyone to see this, because they would judge a whole human being by this one sentence." And then hand her the copy of what you saw.
I will be honest. If this is all she said, I understand. If she added something other, such as "you have to have no heart to do this" or anything else heartless, I would have a hard time coping with what was said. But this? No. I don't find it shocking. And I am a loving human, was a good nurse, and a loving nurse. You cannot do this work, or fireman, or ambulance, or a million other jobs, even cop, with your dripping heart bleeding out through your uniform. You have to survive. Now, especially in these time, people are doing it every day. Lovingly. And their gallows humor would undoubtedly stun you with hurt. I don't say it is good. I just say that it is.
Let her know you saw it. It is a good lesson. Do it with kindness. I would be she is kind and loving to her people daily.

Dear "ebmick1973,"

I know how upset and unsettled you feel especially having it recommended to you and it being a 5 star LTCF. It would bother me too. But, if there is anything I have learned above anything else since placing my mom in a facility for the first time back in 2015 is - it is ALWAYS a business first and foremost. The aging population has exploded and therefore the competition to get seniors to move in is fierce. It took me a long time to accept that fact - it was a very hard pill to swallow. Now, my mom is in her second facility. It is like what you described. My mom is getting very good care but, it will never be perfect care because imperfect people (which is every single one of us) will always be working there.

Maybe another way to look at it is this - what if there were no social media to make such posts/comments? Guess what, this person would still think the same thing and you'd never know it. There is no one in this world who could ever truly know someone else's thoughts or feelings in any given situation or at any given time. Just like we don't know what any of these people do in their own personal lives when they are off duty. Also, I hope you can realize that there will be many other employees who work there who are kind, caring and helpful to your mom.

Please try to give the facility a chance as a whole going forward. All you can really do is "keep an eye out" for mom and if issues arise, bring them to the Administrator/Director's attention.

Like others have said, she sounds young and at least unprofessional in that arena with her social media posts and our world is a very different place nowadays.

I wish you peace and hope you're angst will subside in time!

As someone who has worked in healthcare - I can see it as a statement of frustration coming from the NP. It may have been a sarcastic way to express her burnout and disenchantment with her profession. She may have been looking for some shared sympathy and a pat on the back from her friends and family. Caregiver burnout is common among providers and it must be horrible right now during Covid. Sometimes humor and showing up the next day is the only way to deal with it. So I hope this is the case. And I hope she learns that she shouldn’t post this kind of statement on her Facebook.

Ebmick, your husband is soooooo right and so insightful.    Once comments are "out there", they're "out there" forever.    And that can backfire.  Think of how many people have tweeted something stupid, or taken inappropriate photos and sent them to someone.    Then sometimes they go viral.

I just don't understand this obsessive need for attention.  Privacy is becoming a lost commodity.

Rereading your initial post repeatedly, I wonder if this NP is writing this from a sense of severe frustration.    The NP education curriculum is challenging, and I can't imagine anyone going through that and developing a kind of frivolous, or sarcastic philosophy.    I think her comment is more of a criticism of the profession, as well as perhaps some disillusionment.

Wow. Good description. Social media IS a tsunami. My husband who is an older soul hasn't touched it with a 10 foot pole in any capacity. He keeps saying we have no idea the far reaching ramifications this social media will have.
And I agree...I think some people truly feel like it is a place of having public and private confidants.
Weird times indeed.

And actually everyone here, you all have said things to make me feel better. I am raw from a recent decision having mom go to this place and I am a hot holy mess. So, the comments saying this is how things are and it doesn't mean she's uncaring, all that...
And I sounded a bit self-righteous myself I can see. Ugh. I'm no Mother Teresa/Angel.
You are all right, and as usual have talked me down a bit.
I don't think she's uncaring (the NP).
I'm just one guilty feeling daughter who needs to calm down a bit.
Aging care has always been a great source of comfort for me so thank you all.
Thanks again!

Sometime ago someone posted that a medical employee, I believe at one of the care facilities, was discussing a particular patient on FB.   There may also have been photos taken.   If I recall correctly, she was either reprimanded or fired.

The problem I think goes beyond respect for patients. It addresses a psychological need or some kind of need, to be far too open about an individual's thoughts, feelings, interactions, family, friends, and just life.   

Social media has been like a tsunami tearing down walls of privacy and self respect.    The comments and photos posted on social media reveal such a decrease in societal norms that it's frightening.

Younger people seem more vulnerable to sharing everything that older people protect as personal.  None of my personal or working friends would consider any kind of involvement with social media.  We all have contempt and disgust for it.  

But others treat it like a (public) confidant.    I doubt this will change, at least not until enough people realize that they and their data are being exploited by the social media moguls, although I doubt that many of them care.

You....made me cry in a good way. Thank you friend.

I don't think your looking folks up is creepy.

She sounds perhaps young and not very professional. I think I would mention to her that you saw this, that her page isn't private and that some folks might find her brand of gallows humor disturbing.

If your mom is eligible medically for NH care, that's what she needs. Not one exhausted daughter trying to do the work of three shifts of CNAs, a DON, a SW and an NP. Please give yourself a break, friend!

I should clarify...
She said this is wrong with multiple repeating laughing faces emojis and a shrugging shoulder emoji. Like ha ha , it is what it is. Not at ALL like oh dear heavens this is so wrong. She was laughing and so were others that commented on the post.
Oh also, FB is a bit of a marketplace of jobs, ads, professional connections, etc., so to look up an NP on facebook is not exactly creepy.
Just wanted to see who was on her care team, especially since COVID I left her and won't see her until our state allows visitors again.
I may also add when she called me yesterday, our conversation started out very odd as she said pretty much, "So, what do you need?". I had no idea I was getting a call. She didn't really say much to preface it was kind of cold.

Which is more unsettling I guess is the question, me looking up someone on FB who has a public profile or an NP posting a laughing post about nursing home resident turnover due to death?
Again, I guess I'm getting what I deserve for putting my mom in the facility.

I won't make that assumption and you are correct she did say that "this is wrong". Which is why I won't escalate. Just makes me sad. I'm a newly certified NP myself. And I follow lots of "funny" RN social medias. They shock me sometimes as well, but they are private/invite venting pages. Maybe this NP just didn't know she wasn't private.
But I will say as an RN/NP, I would NEVER post something like that. Ever. And sometimes I think "us" healthcare professionals need to get over ourselves with our sarcasm and "hero" status and remember we do have a calling to treat people/patients with dignity and respect.
Just another lesson in the dangers of social media I guess.
I'm still sick about it. I guess someone would say back to me, well you shouldn't have put your mom in a nursing home.
And trust me ....the guilt is real.
Maybe I really need to do more on my end to just get her back here with family. I can't expect strangers to care for her like family would.

I may be misreading, but from what I have read she says it is wrong that this is what happens, but unfortunately this is a fact of life in nursing homes. Why does that make you upset?

I do wonder why you felt a need to go looking for the staffs' personal social media pages. That to me is creepy and unsettling.

Many of these places are run as a business. I've heard that some bring in "sales" trainers for the staff to figure out how to increase profits. Turnover of residents is one possible avenue.

I was amazed one time a few years back when I had an impromptu meeting with a doctor in a small employee lounge at a hospital. On the white board were graphics and stats about patient reviews, patient stay duration and re-hospitalization, some revenue type figures including insurance and medicare charges. It looked more like a scene from a Monday morning motivational sales meeting at your local Edward Jones office.

The management at these places likely get bonuses based on things you couldn't imagine. Even not-for-profit places have to make money. Look at it this way, as dark as it may seem.

She did say "this is wrong".

There is gallows humor that gets those of us in helping professions through the day; as someone in one of those professions, we were ALWAYS told to either stay off social media, keep our profiles private or use assumed names.

I would not make an assumption that she is uncaring.