May I vent a little ? Thanks
Mom passed 3 weeks ago. If the grieving process was not enough, the final "disappointment" is the lack of compassion from my spouse and friends.
All I need is a,"How are you doing" or "It will get better." Everyone surely must see me in a zombie like state, right ?
Anyway, I have not been around alot of death, but I certainly learned how NOT to treat people. I do not want to live in a morass of pity, but crap, just a little care would go a long way.
Thanks to all through the years listening to me gripe and the advice I have received on this board.
Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
Sadness and the deep loneliness after a death is just going to be there no matter what.
Perhaps it's best that you have shared your thoughts on this cite instead, with so many "in the Same boat" as yourself. Unless your spouse & friends are truly empathetic, then we may end up being as critical of them, even if they Had said something. That may be key-so many may be afraid of saying the Wrong thing . I've heard it said that even "It will get better" is still not Enough for those suffering the loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think that even if you feel alone over grieving your mom , it;s a really good thing that you are feeling it so much. It's proof how much you loved her.! (There's a chance that some friends may not have ever really had that in their lives.) (Some people may feel some relief when an elderly parent dies, had they been suffering & in a lot of pain, & some people create walls around their heart to keep from falling apart , but for a few reasons, your friends may not be "understanding" of what your going though. )
Everyone grieves differently . You may want to remind your spouse, & friends of that & that there is no deadline to the process. Take your time . Be good to yourself & enjoy all the positive aspects of yourself that have been passed onto you . Gratitude goes a long way-that you did have a loving mom for as long as you did & now, believe that she is at least with you always in the Spirit!
Best to you !
I don’t understand the lack of compassion in general either.
It’s been a hard road , that people don’t understand to begin with if they aren’t in your shoes . They also don’t understand that it is difficult to switch gears from the caregiver life to civilian life again . But that doesn’t excuse lack of condolences and compassion , and checking on how you are doing .
Maybe some who watched you suffering during caregiving, think , hope , assume you would make a quick turn around , now that your mother’s suffering is over and so is the burden and watching Mom decline . It doesn’t happen that way though.
It’s a roller coaster with good and bad days . Then it begins to get better .
But for you , life is not the same, and will never be the same, and your left alone to pick up the pieces.
My husband was like this after my dad passed, also I've heard friends complain about there husband not seeming sympathetic also. I think husbands don't want to see us sad so they just pretend nothing happened.
Please give yourself time to mourn, things will get better even on days when you don't think they will, they will. Maybe spend some time alone to mourn privately, just not too much time alone.
I get it, most of us hear do.
Be kind to yourself. 😔🙏
You have all of here and we understand. I felt the same way to a certain extent after my husband died. Years ago, people showed much more compassion. It's a different world we live in.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Have you considered a GriefShare group? You would be among people who GET it.
You can find them here: https://www.griefshare.org/