My 92-yr-old mother is a new resident in a Small Group Residential Home since 3/10/22. She was previously at a MC facility for a year where they were not providing the care they should have.
Since I moved her, she has declined drastically to the point now where she is not eating or drinking and hospice has put her on morphine and ativan to keep her comfortable. Yesterday, her eyes were open a lot during the day and she stared into the right corner of the ceiling. Then she would close her eyes and rest again. She is now mostly sleeping and her breathing stops sometimes but then starts again with a gasp. The hospice nurse said Mom might pass away this weekend but now the nurse is not sure because Mom's heart is so strong. She has not had food or water for 3 days now but when I swab her mouth with the wet sponge stick, she bites and sucks on the sponge like she is desperately trying to get some water. Hospice says she has forgotten how to swallow.
I have been with her every day and talk to her and hold her hand. It is so difficult to sit and watch her growing weaker by the hour. I know every person is different, but I am praying Mom does not linger in this "limbo" and has a peaceful passing. I am just shocked about how quickly this happened and how she went from eating and drinking one day to eating and drinking nothing on the days to follow. The hospice nurse said it probably would not be long until she lapses into a coma-like state and then the end is not far.
My brother and his wife and son came to visit today and Mom's eyes actually opened when she heard her grandson's voice say "Hi, Grandma". We phoned another grandson who lives out of town and put the phone up to her ear so he could talk to her and her eyes opened again, wide this time.
I hate to see her drugged like this, but she seems to be comfortable and not in distress. Only God knows when it is Mom's time. Until then, we wait.
Mom was sinking but she could still talk, eat and drink, and walk with assistance from her hospital bed in the living room. After one joyous day of playing cards with me and my two sisters, I wondered if this was her "last hurrah". I put her to bed that evening (a Thursday) and she never woke up. She passed Sunday morning.
This is a sacred time, escorting someone on their final earthbound journey. And to help ourselves, we need something to do during this sacred time. Perhaps line her bed with photos of loved one. Play soft music or her favorite music softly. Talk to her about your favorite memories of her or your times together. Let her be at peace as her mind and soul turn inward.
I wish I had seen this video before Mom passed. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever watched. It's by Sarah Kerr, PhD, "The First Thing to Do When Someone Passes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7mG0ZAym0w
I encourage you and your family to watch it, which will help bring you all peace. May you all find that peace at such a difficult but sacred time. *hugs*
My uncle was on hospice with no food or water for almost two weeks before he passed. He waited until his disabled sister finally came to see him, then he passed 15 minutes after she left.
My mother passed after 2 days in a coma. In the last hour before she passed, she opened her eyes wide with awareness and stared up at the ceiling for a minute then closed her eyes. Soon after that she passed.
From what you describe, your mother is still able to hear and recognize her children and grandchildren. Be sure all her loved ones come/call to say good byes. Sometimes, dying people wait until they have heard from their loved ones before they pass.
Take care of yourself. Wishing your mom a peaceful passing.
In the meantime for you, I wish your mom, you and family, much peace and comfort. I believe we soon will look back on these limbo days and be grateful for this time.
Don't worry about the drugs. Our hospice nurse said the morphine only sticks around for about two hours and relaxes her, and the other stuff is for anxiety is she starts having trouble breathing. It doesn't dope them into unconsciousness. That's happening naturally.
Hang in there and soon you'll all be at peace.