The Karpman Drama Triangle

HH,

Wise decision to go out for a beer with your husband.

Sadly, some things never change. Why even try to change something when your family dynamics have always been this way?

If I were you. I wouldn’t want to be caught in the middle of your sister’s lives either.

Thanks Nacy, still have my father in the NH and there is their house to sell. But I’m not going to be the great communicator going forward.

Sorry hothouseflower, hope things are going better for you now that things are said and done and the triangle is over, you can heal your pain and morn your way. And most of all find peace in your life 🙏

Just lost my mother last week. The post funeral dinner blew up in my face because I was the go between for my sisters. I am the people pleaser and my sisters both consider themselves victims of the other.

I finally decided not to go because I was so disgusted the three of us couldn’t even get it together for a lousy dinner. I canceled it. My husband and I went out for a beer afterwards. And that was that.

No more triangle for me.

Has anyone found the info on the healthier positions to take on instead of a toxic triangle corner?

Rescuer to Coach is one.

Just as JoAnn always says.. I can show you the way, not BE the way.

👍

Yikes!
When an elderly becomes dependent due to dementia, physical debility, etc they actually do need help and it can ignite “the victim” and “rescuer” roles for sure. Especially if/when there were any elements of parentification of the child in the original relationship.
this also reminds me of “learned helplessness”

Quite amazing, isn't it Nick!

Holy fish. I just realized I'm living this cycle with my sister. I'm her caregiver, and she's shut herself off from folks... for which she blames me, then begs me to reach out on her behalf or introduce her to new people, and then acts as if she's a victim because I've supposedly refused phone calls (she has a cell), or not answered texts, or what have you. Wow.

Gonna go reading for suggestions!

Alva,

It is amazing and worth discussing as a topic on this forum. That’s what I love about this forum. It’s wonderful to be able to share these insights with each other.

Need, wish I could get the credit, but it was Beatty who brought us this. On one of the threads. The "estrangement thread" as another member called it.
I find it amazing.

Just did a quick read and yes I see this happen on AC all the time.

If anyone wants an example;

A friend, had this triangle system form around her, hated it but couldn't stop it.. until she SAW the pattern.

I'll call my friend *Jan* & her siblings *Marcia & *Bobby*.

Marcia would call Jan. Complain about Bobby. He did this.. he did that, ain't he bad.. pushed Jan to team up with Marcia & exclude Bobby. (These were fully grown ADULTS, not kids).

After some weeks, Bobby would reach out to reconnect with Jan. Sought her sympathy.. Marcia had treated him badly, convinced Jan. So Bobby & Jan would team up & exclude Marcia.

Then after a while, Marcia would call Jan & start her campaign again of HE's at fault. Bobby is the bad guy.
Back & forth.

Occassionally Marcia & Bobby would team up & excluded Jan.

My friend called it a *Toxic Triangle*.

Once she SAW it, saw how she was being manipulated to take sides, be a friend or be assigned the foe... she decided to be NEUTRAL.

Each time one sibling called to moan about the other she said NO.
🛑 I not be your listening post.
🛑 I will not be involved.
📢 If you-Marcia have a problem with Bobby - call Bobby!
📢 If you-Bobby have a problem with Marcia - call Marcia!

And just like that.. their family moved from a toxic triangle style to direct, more honest communication.

I also felt that WOW. Just wow feeling when I first read about this. (I think it could have been on an AC forum thread).

I had seen this!
I had heard friends tell of this!
I had been part of this too!

Thanks for bringing this to the attention of the forum, Alva. We can always learn something new from others.