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I am fairly estranged from Dad. He has done things in the past and continues to that are in my book unforgivable.


My brother and his family (dad lives in their suite) needed a holiday and in the past I have house/pet sat for them. This year it was house/pet and Dad sit.


It is hard being near an abuser, but I am glad I did it. Luckily Dad does not need hands on care, but he needs someone to check in on him a few times a day and do a few chores he can no longer do himself. laundry, change the sheets etc.


Unfortunately, Dad did not recognize how much my brother needed a break and called him every day. There was nothing I could do about that.


My brother and his family came home to a clean house, with all the laundry done and Dad well take care of.


I did discover that the smell of stale urine triggers my gag reflex. Emptying Dad's over high urinal the first time had me close to vomiting. I learnt after day one to take a deep breath and hold it until I was finished. I have huge respect for those of you who deal with bodily fluids on a daily basis.

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You’re a good sister for doing this for your brother. He’s blessed to have you, dad is too even if he doesn’t know it
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Well done, Tothill!!! I give you kudos. When I sat in mom's room at her Memory Care for the last week of her life, my gag reflex was on high alert the entire time for the smell of stale urine on her chair and blanket throw. No matter how many times it was laundered, it still reeked. And the recliner was fabric.........so that retained the urine odor in spite of it being covered with chucks. Poor mom; she was so fastidious and cleaned like a lunatic her whole entire life; she'd have been mortified to know how incontinent she was in the last year of her life and how everything reeked. Thank God she's at perfect peace now, is all I have to say on the matter, and that her dignity has been restored.

If you find yourself back in this position, my daughter the RN has a trick she uses for cleaning up messes that stink: 2 paper masks: the first one is covered in toothpaste, and then you put another one over the first. It masks all odors rather beautifully.
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What would happen if you said to your Brother "Hey I totally get you need a holiday. Go. But you will need to make other arrangements re Dad & pets next time".

I have been on both sides of this.

Told "that doesn't work for us - you'll need to work something else out". OK, had to respect the No. (Respite care was arranged instead).

Also said no to pet sitting when holidays overlapped & got an ear of "But I need.. can you change your holdiay?"
Had to enforce my no. (Alternative pet sitter arranged). I still laugh/frown thinking of asking my Boss to change my long applied for leave to suit someone else's pet! 😂😡 Come on!

You DO get a choice.
If you CHOOSE to Dad/house/pet sit of your own free will - do so 😊

If you have a line in the sand you can see approaching, flag it now 🚩. Eg once daily physical care for Dad is needed, that's my no. Bathing No. Toileting No.
Communicate this clearly with Brother so he has plenty of time to research & make alternative arrangments.

Expect pushback - coz it currenlty works. But it needs to work for ALL of you.
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I hope your brother eventually blocked Dad. When I left town, you didn't hear from me till I got back. Actually, never thought to call anyone. I knew something was going on with Mom when she told one of the Church ladies she would be glad when I got home from vacation. We got home late to call to say we were back. I do not get up to about 9am and she is calling me to see if she can visit. My Mom was not someone who dropped in for a visit. And if she was, it would not have been first thing in the morning.

Either can I stand the smell of bodily fluids. I too gag. I hated toileting Mom and prayed that she would not do a #2 every day. My GF was a NA doing all the dirty work. I told her I do not know how she did it.

I would think that after a certain number of uses, a urinal should be discarded and replaced with a new one. They are not expensive. That smell probably gets into the plastic that even bleach will not touch. Maybe he should use two. He rinses out one and lets it air dry while using the other and just rotates them.
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I hope you did it for your brother, not for an abusive father. Just be careful about the creep (in both senses of the word). It would have helped if brother had blocked his calls for the duration.
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Huge (((well done))) hugs to you.
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