Update on Can I Sue The Nursing Home For Killing My Mother.
In December, about the 18th, I posted a discussion about suing the nursing home for killing my mother. Well, since then we tried to get several attorneys, everyone seemed like they wanted a $5.000.00 fee because they where not sure wether they could win or not. Then my brother had a serious discussion with me; he said that our mom would not want us to sue anybody. I was very angry with the nurses and doctors that I felt took my moms life to soon. Well, the long and short was there was never a law suit because my brother convinced me that they did everything they could, even-though some aspects of that I would have to strongly disagree with, but I did get some grief counseling with my sister and it helped tremendously. I had a serious problem because my grief had me going to a place where I truly wanted to see some people not living anymore, yes, I mean the nursing home staff and some of the doctors, but I worked through all of that, I had to go to some pretty intense therapy sessions before I just had to let that go and just be at peace with the fact that my mom was no longer in pain with that brain tumor. It was called a Gleioblastoma one of the most aggressive tumors that there are. I am however writing a book called "The Dangers of Hospitals and Nursing Homes" to make people more aware of thigs like what are they really getting themselves into, and stuff like about how they are going to become the "Enemy Number One" if they are there most of the time to watch out for their loved ones, and exposing what the care in a nursing home is really like. I am doing this post pandemic, and I will mention that in the preface of my book. I want it to get into the hands of people that have put their loved on into a nursing home or, had to do it because they had no other choice. I am going to sell it, send it to talk shows, news stations, etc... etc... etc... I want everyone to know the kind of crap they will pull if they can get away with it. For example, there where Nurses Aids that would literally hide from us when we needed to get their help. There was an inspection from the nursing homes higher ups and they where literally told to avoid the inspectors if the came their way. They told them to go the other way. I got charged for co-pays after my mothers death that they where not suppose to charge after her death. When a person dies they are no longer responsible for any bill that that loved one had, there was a guy stealing out of the nursing home patients funds that the family's put in for the patients so they had some money for themselves, he invested it in football tickets and sold it to other people at a huge markup. He got arrested and killed himself in jail. I didn't get to take them to court but I am going to expose them to the public so they cant hurt anybody else.
Lea made you feel like the bad guy, and now you're off on one of your discordant haiku-like poetry rants that have NO POINT unlike what Lea said.
Lea is further going through the process RIGHT NOW with her mom, and she still had a POINT. Unlike your wandering, discordant, grammar free statements.
If you have a point then make one.
yes, the death process is hard for anyone dying, or watching.
the NH policy is like that where i live (not in my entire country).
"Your posts serve no useful purpose."
:) there's alway value in your posts lea, my posts, anyone's.
and you never know -- suddenly, someone's sentence in a post believed to "serve no useful purpose", helps greatly.
is the NH policy where i live the best way?
that's a different debate.
what's the purpose of my post (you say it's not useful) ?
it was to point out to OP, that although i don't know the details of his mother in NH at all --- where i live, it is legal, and common, to not give food/water, when the person is dying.
it is possible that OP thought it's illegal.
i don't know where OP lives.
every place has its own laws.
what about my friend?
he's a very dear friend of mine. a very good man.
he agreed with the policy.
he very much wished his LO could receive more morphine. it was unnecessary pain, torture, he said.
Your posts serve no useful purpose. Your country does things differently, who cares? THINK before you post, that maybe what you have to say will be hurtful to someone reading it.
again, maybe there's been a misunderstanding.
my friend had no choice, just as many people have no choice, about bringing their LOs to a NH.
some people do have a choice, and evaluating all choices, NH is best.
it's all fine.
we all have reasons why we keep LO home, or NH.
sometimes staying home is a terrible idea, and NH is the best idea.
some NHs/facilities are fantastic.
my point was a different one:
i'm talking about where i live.
i'm not saying this is the policy of all NHs in the entire world.
lea - i have lived in many countries, cities, towns.
not every country is the same.
not every country has the same health policies, same laws, same approach to what's legal/illegal when LO is dying.
not every NH is the same.
not every city/town is the same.
where i live, the NH policy is like that, and that is legal.
exactly as you say, lea: the reasoning behind the policy is (for compassionate reasons) not to extend life in such situations.
my friend - agreed - with the policy.
it was however, very hard for him and for his LO -- because it took many days. my friend wanted more morphine for his LO. not allowed.
so it was very hard, very painful.
i'm saying that where i live, the policy is not illegal.
"a friend of mine had to bring his LO to a NH. no choice.
my friend was very aware of the NH policy.
years later, his LO was dying.
NH put in place their policy: no food/water.
my friend had no say in the matter.
my friend visited his LO every day.
according to my friend, it was torture, the way in which his LO had to die. unnecessary pain. torture. it lasted days :(.
his LO had a lot of strength, and kept fighting for life.
(we human beings have enormous survival instinct; our minds/bodies will fight to keep alive)."
Have you ANY IDEA AT ALL about the dying/end of life process? Or are you just spouting your usual NONSENSE about the 'tortures of NH life' for no good reason? Have you ever had a loved one DIE? Have you ever gone thru the process with a loved one FGS?
I am watching my mother die NOW. She is not 'being starved to death' b/c it's the policy of the Memory Care. She is DYING bundle, and THAT is why she is not eating. Or drinking. Her body is SHUTTING DOWN and no longer wants or requires food which, if given to her, would EXTEND her life and her pain. Hospice is helping my mother AND me get through this end of life process with NO PAIN and NO SUFFERING, thank you. Even without food and water, there is no pain and no suffering for my mother. But plenty for ME who has to watch this, and then to read your endless babbling here is too much.
You really really need to STOP all this CRAP you are posting b/c it is HURTFUL to people going thru the end of life process with their loved one. Like me.
Now.
Shame on you.
At 65 my brother was diagnosed with glioblastoma. He needed 24/7 care. I found an excellent nursing facility on the Medicare website and placed him there, along with getting hospice care. He’s been there nine months and they’ve both provided wonderful care. There was an inspection and his case was chosen to be examined. His tumor greatly affected his judgement, impulsivity, problem solving and his personality. It’s evident that my brother is loved and cared for. Recently it looked like his death was eminent. For people upset because their loved one isn’t being fed, hospice explained to us that because his body is starting to shut down so he doesn’t need much food if any. They lose the ability to swallow so feeding runs the risk of inhaling food and causing pneumonia. He’s rallied some but now he’s at the point where his brain says to get up but his legs are weak so he falls. Sometimes he refuses the meds that would calm down this activity. They can’t force him to take them. Fortunately he’s five feet from the nurses station so they can keep a closer eye on him. It’s driving the nurses crazy because they want him to be safe but they can’t restrain him and can’t post an aide there 24/7. Obviously they care and worry about him.
So yes, there are bad nursing homes—I removed him from a previous one. But don’t do a blanket smear job. Nursing homes are short on staff. It’s too bad that society doesn’t value them enough to pay them what they’re worth.
i don't know the details at all of your mother in the NH, how she was treated.
so my comment is a general one, and only concerns NHs where i live:
where i live, it is very "normal" (normal as in, the norm; very common) in NHs, to not give food/water towards the end. if there is certainty the person is dying (is "towards the end"), then that's what's done.
BUT, all people/families are warned by the NHs, before their LOs go to the NH, that this is their policy.
a friend of mine had to bring his LO to a NH. no choice.
my friend was very aware of the NH policy.
years later, his LO was dying.
NH put in place their policy: no food/water.
my friend had no say in the matter.
my friend visited his LO every day.
according to my friend, it was torture, the way in which his LO had to die. unnecessary pain. torture. it lasted days :(.
his LO had a lot of strength, and kept fighting for life.
(we human beings have enormous survival instinct; our minds/bodies will fight to keep alive).
his LO died. it was sad, of course.
those last days were very hard for my friend (and the LO), of course.
as said, my friend described it as, torture for his LO.
Case costs are usually expenses charged by third parties for work on your case, which may include court filing fees, cost of obtaining medical records, court reporter fees, expert witness fees, etc.
One's lawsuit can go on for months, if not years, therefore one has to be ready to hand out thousands of dollars in case costs.
PI cases also expanded from slip and fall and other basic cases to include dog bites, and more which are so numerous I can't keep track of them. They also require different approaches, and different proofs.
I've worked for some of each category (only b/c I hadn't yet found a good area of law in which I wanted to work), and know that they can be highly automated, but that's within the practice area of specialty.
Since there are significant differences in the criteria for the cases as well as the supporting experts, a general PI firm wouldn't necessarily be appropriate, but one specializing in nursing home and/or med mal might be.
I would highly disagree though with responding to the tv ads firms. Good firms do not advertise; those who "churn" cases (as we referred to those firms) do. They're the ones hawking their alleged experience on tv. The OP would just be another number in their inventory of cases.
If you truly believe in your heart that the nursing home did right by your mother, then you're doing the right thing by not bringing about a lawsuit. But, if you have any doubt whatsoever, talk to a personal injury lawfirm. Call one of the ads you see on tv who say they don't charge a cent unless they take your case AND damages are recovered.
Your Mom was one of the over 9 million people that die of cancer every year. That's 26,000 a day. The nursing home did not give her cancer.
Let it go.
my parents (Dad recently passed) are in assisted living and they get the best care a short staffed facility can give. I am sorry about your Mom but writing a tell all based on emotions is not a wise plan.
I think you have not accepted your Moms passing and when that happens we often want to blame someone, in this case the nursing home.
as a nurse I can tell you that Glioblastoma is rarely overcome. My neighbors son in another state I lived in died at 24 from the same thing. I know how his family suffered, it takes people way to young. I am sure you are suffering from the trauma of dealing with all of this.
take time to heal, don’t publish this. I feel like this is being done in anger and that one day you will regret it.
Other books have been written about this subject, so why would your book be any different? Such negative books are written about anything and everything. Be it hospitals, schools, colleges, sports, medicine, politics, etc.
As I had mentioned before, your Mother didn't want to move to another nursing home, she had preferred to stay there. That speaks volumes.
You might be able to disguise your identity on your roving sites, but if litigation is instituted, discovery can demand information that could reveal your identity, and you'd have to provide contact information anyway as pleadings would not be filed if you didn't.
Do you want to jeopardize any means you have of earning money in the future? This publication you want to create could ruin your life.
And I am being very, very blunt. I think a "knock on the side of the head" is the expression used when someone is ignoring the facts.
1. The message that you DON'T have a case isn't getting through. W/o law school and some medical education, why would you think that people should believe you? You haven't made correct assessments or shared them in the terms necessary for legal interpretation. That's only one reason no attorney will take your case.
As others here have observed and advised you, your planned revelations are too dangerous, will expose you to legal action, and (IMHO) will not alleviate the anger you feel.
2. Your hostility and anger shows, and DOMINATES, loud and clear. Attorneys sense this, and can avoid becoming involved with someone hell bent on revenge by setting high retainer costs. Attorneys do not need to be counselors and expose themselves or their staff to someone who seems to be vindictive, angry, and immune to helpful advice.
3. You don't understand medical malpractice law, and your method of expressing the alleged grievances doesn't fall within legal parameters. The only people who are going to read your "publication" are those with similar approaches.
4. The latter sentence also addresses how you will open yourself to either ignoring your online "book", or worse yet, to retaliatory action from medical facilities, especially if you're foolish enough to identify them.
5. If action in the last sentence occurs, you could find yourself facing not only action against your own server access, but also restraint and cease and desist orders by the named facilities. You could also face libel actions. You could be restrained by injunctive relief.
6. You likely would be sued, including for defamation. The defense attorneys would probably file a motion for summary judgment to restrain you from further action, but you would also likely be required to pay the costs of those you identify. That means ALL COSTS, ranging from time to copy and analyze your complaints, have them reviewed by attorneys and/or medical people, and the cost of filing a lawsuit with potential cease and desist prayers as well as the cost of serving any injunctive orders against you.
7. Do you have several thousand dollars to engage in this hopeless endeavor? If not, once the defense prevails, judgments and "cease and desist" orders could and probably would be issued against you, and either carried out through seizure orders or through a lien against your property. How would you handle that? Do you have enough money to pay off a multi-thousand dollar judgment and/or buy a new house?
8. This next comment is NOT intended to be cruel, but it needs to be said. Caring for someone, ranging from children to ill parents, is very challenging, emotional, and frequently requires personal assessment. None of us want to feel as those we didn't handle these issues well. We're often in territory none of us ever expected to be. We're struggling, just as you were and are, but it needs to be realized that leveling blame and hostility doesn't reverse anything.
Nor does it alleviate anyone by blaming someone else, which is what you plan to do. Therapy seems to have helped, but not entirely. You NEED to get past this stage if you are to heal at all.
9. Go back to therapy. And continue with it until you understand that there are forces existent beyond our control, that absolving ourselves of contributory actions and blaming others is NOT the solution. Do you really think you're the only one who's experienced this?
1- Name the person or persons that committed negligence in the care of your mother.
2- Specify exactly what actions were negligent
3- Prove that permanent damage occurred from such negligence.
Most attorneys are familiar with medical negligence and will accept to sue without any down payment. If the lawyers you have consulted asked for money upfront, is because they doubt that there was a negligence that can be proven.
When a lawyer won't take a case on contingency you basically have your answer. You would not have won, and especially with your Mom having had a glioblastoma, the most deadly brain cancer there is. Men, women and children go of this, and further treatments can just amount to torture. If you have researched glioblastoma I am certain you know the statistics on it. It explodes through the brain like an ink blot spreading, fingering out into the brain like a spider's web.
As a nurse, and as a person who lost a dear friend who died of a glio very young, I can sympathize completely with your pain, even if I do not with your overall view of nursing care.
I am glad you have some peace, and know your Mom would be glad of that as well. Your book will keep you busy. You have lots of research to do. Wishing you the best.
Thank you, thank you very much.
The hospital she went to for years, has recently received not so favorable reviews, ditto with the NH near the hospital she was at.
I hope you can find peace and let it go. Your mom would not want this anger to overtake your life.
Blessings.