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I have been a member of this forum since last year in May and it has been a HUGE help. Along with the forum and counseling, I wanted to share a few things that I have learned that have helped me on this journey.
1. It is not my fault that my father is no longer able to completely take care of himself. Aging is a privilege because some people do not live to be elderly. I know that sometimes being elderly comes with many health issues and etc but it is part of life.
2. I'm continuing to learn not to care what others think. I have had a few people make comments that let me know they think I should sell my home, quit my job and take care of him full time. Most of these people have never held a professional job, are over 60 themselves, and are financially stable. Therefore, they have no understanding of what my needs are. As my mom use to say, "consider the source."
3. Make a list of all you have done for your loved one. I guarantee that when you look at the list, you will see that you have been THE ONE who has been there the entire time.
4. Your loved one will try to make you feel guilty and this is tough but if you have done and are doing your best, what else on earth can you do???
5. People will try to give you advice, but they are unwilling to help you with your loved one and it is often it is funny because I had someone ask if my father was moving in with me or if I was moving in with him. This person's mother has been in a facility for years.
6. Be strong and stick to your needs!!



Happy New Year!!!

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@BarbBrooklyn
That is a powerful scripture !
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@MomsBrain,
I'm still a work in progress as well but I have come a long way and I know you have too. :)
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I'm learning to take one day at a time. To lean on friends who have gone thru or going thru similar experiences..
And let them lean on me. Still working on not feeling guilty that I am unwilling to light myself on fire to keep her warm.
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Sooo-Matthew 10:36.
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That sometimes, the worst people in your life are certain family members. Get them out of your life. Your life will thank you deeply.
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I have learned that they are also frustrated because they can't do what they use to.

I have learned patience.

Those with dementia aren't able to communicate like others. Plus, aren't able to occupy themselves like other people.
If they are angry, it's good to try to figure out why. Are they hungry, in pain or bored and need Activities?

If they are like in their 80s or 90s and are content relaxing in a chair and watching TV, that's okay

Happy new year
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@WonderfulSuds.. I'm also guilty of being a perfectionist and doing that will wear you down. I'm also learning to let it go because there are so many things that we can not anything about.
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I've learned - & I've had to since I WAS a perfectionist - that a lot of what I thought was important in the care of my husband with Alzheimer's just isn't. I sing to myself the music from "Let It Snow" & using the words, "Let It Go." So many things just don't really matter anymore: wearing jeans to church because he won't change; getting up hungry several times in the middle of the night (I leave a banana out); sleeping in his day clothes, etc.

I've learned I have to take breaks & I hire a person from an agency to come for a few hours.

I'm learning that I need to do that more often because I have no kin nearby to help.
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Wow, a great list. Just great.
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