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Jodi,

Yay! I love the blocking feature on my phone! Except it doesn’t work as well for spam texts and calls due to robo calling. I’ve even put an app on my phone and they still occur. Grrrrr. Good for you to block FB too.

Yes, it’s painful because we want loving relationships that are harmonious. Unfortunately we don’t always get what we desire.

Best wishes to you. Take care.
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Mom didn't call, but has been texting me nasty text all day.

I got sucked into the pissing contest for awhile, but ended it with "I'm sorry that I have been such a disappointment to you " and then promptly blocked her number and blocked her on FB.

Although it's painful to cut her off,
I know this is what's best at this point.

My heart aches, but my mind is at ease!!
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When your narcissistic LO tells you not to call them, don't call them! Resist the impulse to just "check in on her." 'Cuz if you do, the whole complaining cycle starts all over again! Don't be her barf bucket! Focus on your own needs xrayjodib!
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Lealonie1,
Once again, you're absolutely on point!

I guess my question is, at what point do we throw in the towel?

When your LO refuses help at every turn, when do we pull the plug?

I know it's a personal matter !

It's so disheartening and troubling to realize that they are unwilling to help themselves!

I have listened and heard things since I was 12 years old that NO 12 year old should ever have to hear.

My heart aches, but my soul feels justified!

I just got off the phone with my brother in Colorado. Apparently she wants to move back there.
Hallelujah!!

I'm done with quilt!
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I said this on another post just now, and it bears repeating here: my mother is not looking for 'solutions'.........she's looking for a willing ear to complain into!
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Lealonie1, Alvadeer and ITRR,
You all hit the nail on the head!!

She sent me an email with an article about osteoporosis and how suffers should set boundaries.

I responded that was fine, however, she can't complain to me day after day and not expect me to offer advice. I also told her again that I am not "A Whipping boy "! And if I didn't love her, I wouldn't say Jack!

Then I sent her an article about the affect of depression on back pain. It discusses how the use of antidepressants and psychotherapy can help to lessen back pain. Antidepressants actually work with the neurotransmitters that send pain messages to the body.

I have no doubt that she is seething mad, but I have had enough!!

It has been a quiet day with no drama other than my diminishing anger at her.

Hopefully she will take some of it to heart.

Doubtful I know, but I will continue my prayers.

Thank you all for your support and kindness!!
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Listen, no judgement from me, that's for sure! My mother is very similar, and calling her twice a day was literally killing ME, so I quit doing it one day after my daughter said HEY MA, WHY ARE YOU CALLING GMA TWICE A DAY, ARE YOU NUTS? LOL. Uh, yeah, I think I had taken temporary leave of my sanity. But I was trying to 'do the right thing', much as you are, and getting stomach ulcers as a result. And SHE wasn't getting much of a benefit from my calls, either, I might add. I think I bring out the worst in her, frankly. When she hears my voice, her complaining meter goes up and the argumentative meter shoots WAY up and it's a big fat mess. In reality, she's better off NOT talking to me all the time and talking to the 'wonderful girls' in the ALF she gets along with so much better because they all loooooooooove her so much.

Now I call her once a day. If we argue and she tells me not to call her, I don't. I wait for HER to call ME. Works out just fine.

I accept the fact that I can't make my mother happy or content. I accept the fact that my mother loves misery so much, she invites it over to visit 100x a day. I also accept the fact that I AM human and have to look out for ME while others are looking out for HER.

Please do the same, ok? Our mothers WILL live to be 100. The question is, will we die young falling all over ourselves to 'fix' what's broken with THEM?
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Jodi, so sorry. But you do know her and who she is. So overall it isn't so much that this is any surprise, it is simply that you just can't take it right now; you have enough on your plate for another dollop of THAT. Just tell Mom gently, that yes, right now it is you who needs some things, some cheer, some gentleness, and in effort toward that you are going to call her once a day now, and the call will be shorter or longer, dependent on how "she's feeling that day". Your Mom isn't going to change at this late stage, so give yourself some relief. And some healing. And you know, when she complains? Don't make suggestions. Like many who yell at us on forum, saying "I was just VENTING, and I don't WANT your advice", Mom is just venting, telling you what she has ALWAYS told you, that she is a miserable person. You can't fix that. And she won't be fixing it at this late stage. She's very lucky to have you. I am an atheist. I don't look forward to being anything but leaf mulch. So I make my heaven right here right now, and Mom wouldn't/sadly couldn't be a part of that. Tell the old gal that she's lucky you are making Stars for your Crown. (Love that hymn as did my Dad, and the old Joel McCrea movie). Watch some comedies and laugh, and HEAL. Do HEAL.
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Oh Jodi, I am sorry that she has kicked you while you are down. She sounds utterly vile and you should listen to her. Do not call her again.

Make her make the 1st call. She needs to see that you are important to her life and that she needs you and not the other way around.

My dad pulled the same stunt, it's manipulative and ignorant behavior. I didn't talk to him for 5 years and when he started telling family that he would sure like to talk to me, I made it crystal clear that he was the one that said to never call him again and he will be the one to make amends. I would handle it the exact same way if he pulled it again today.

Your heart matters and she doesn't deserve free access to continually hurt it. You don't need the stress of her ugliness. Not ever but, especially now when you need love and support for your healing.

Her choices have just brought the consequences to her life. Let her figure it all out, step back and don't do anything for her, nothing, nada! This is the only way for her to see the consequences of her words. If you still do everything for her she hasn't lost anything except her scratching post.

Prayers for strength to step back and let her see the reality.
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Amen Beatty!!
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All of your guilt, compassion, second guessing, suggestions, and above all, your efforts, have resulted in no positive effect on your LO, and also NO POSITIVE EFFECT ON YOU!

Since there are NO WINNERS in what’s happening in this dynamic, STOP DOING IT, DON’T CALL, and DON’T TAKE CALLS FROM HER.

Nobody is capable of comforting anybody during this quarantine. Let go! Let go for yourself AND FOR HER.
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You cannot make someone else happy. Take care of yourself.
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Jodi, glad you are past your surgery! You deserve a break.

Continuing to call mom reinforces her bad behavior.

I would try "Gray Rock" technique.
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Congrats Xray, you have just won yourself a phone holiday! 🍹🌴🌳🌻.

Accept no calls. Make no calls (unless to supportive people). Take a nice walk & enjoy the sound of the birds instead.

When the phone rings - blow a raspberry at it & leave it ringing 😁

(((Hugs))) to you. Safely socially distanced of course!
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No judgment here. Take a break! Don’t call her.

I think you made the right decision. I can’t add anything to what you have written.

Take care, enjoy your well deserved break!
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