Normally there are others and my wife is not able to communicate or elects not to. She can be ignored.. She is unhappy in these gatherings and I prefer not to expose her to these gatherings. I find it stressful for me. Then I feel guilty for not attending. I do not need this family and their friend's gathering. Have others felt this way. If so, how do you deal with this situation. My wife and I (or her 40 hour per week companion) enjoy each other and she is happy most of the time. Crowds, noise and confusion are a problem for her.
Thanks for any help.
A Blessed Christmas to all.
JimmyW
It is no blame to my brother. At least he invited us.
I've seen that this also applies to older folks w/o dementia; they're just more comfortable with a few people they know. That need to socialize with larger groups has past for many older people.
I would tell him how much you appreciate the invitations, then explain how someone with dementia feels in a crowd, and offer as an alternative that you prefer one-on-one get togethers rather than crowds.
Some years ago a very nice and intelligent friend I met through a book club invited us to holiday gatherings, offering that another friend had an elder parent who she brought. They bundled the woman up and sat her near the fireplace, and that's where she spent the evening. I don't think they understood how isolating and patronizing that could be.
Definitely say you are happy that they do this every year and you are proud of his family sentiment, but this year Mom gets too confused and uncomfortable in groups and you are going to create your own tradition at home.
Sibs thought I was keeping Mom from attending to be mean, vindictive or whatever. I did not care, we need tough skins to survive family onslaughts at times. My Mom was moved to a facility earlier this year then found out that it is too difficult for Mom, all the commotion etc, facility discouraged sibs from taking mom out for Thanksgiving.
Just say no. But, if it will work for you invite son and family for a short visit with Mom. Many times these invitations out to family gatherings are done to make that family member feel better. Like they are doing something to help, continue to include the elder in activities.
I understand completely.
The family wants to include you and are feeling that they would be hard hearted to leave you on your own, so they try to insist despite your objections. They truly don't understand how all the noise and commotion can be confusing and tiring, even for those without alzheimer's!
There will be other times that you and your wife and visit with the son during the year, or maybe the son can visit your place if his Mom is comfortable with that.