I’d like to hear about things you wish you would have done with or for your LO. If you are no longer a caregiver or perhaps your journey has reached a point where there is something your LO can no longer do and you don’t mind sharing, please share. It may spark something I or someone else/others should consider doing.
For example, maybe you wanted to take your LO two states over to have a short visit with their last living elderly sibling. Or maybe you did something you wish you didn’t because the time would have been better spent just trying to have a bit of quality time with your LO or some maybe even just some respite time to yourself.
Maybe there were stories you meant to ask about or questions/conversations you wanted to have. Thanks in advance for sharing.
I've been hearing post on this for a while but it's really starting to sink in and a good lesson for all of us.
Seperate are needs vrs wants to those we care give but also for are future.
We are talking about redoing are shower. Someday we will need a walk in shower, but we may not need a new kitchen floor.
And I know I didn't need to do the things I did that gave me this neck pain, and sent me to the Chiro.
I'm so glad to of leaned this now.
I tell you they taught me more about life and love than any one else I've ever known.
They gave me so much more in life than I ever gave them back.
A priest I had, once told me to always think of something good about someone you don't like.
Say if it's a family member, you have ill feelings towards , pick one good thing you can say about them. Like he is a hard worker, or something.
He also taught me to assume nothing, or you may make an A$$ of yourself.
I loved my years of caregiving others. Mom , not so much. 😆
Also, when I get to the point in life where I need extra help around the house, I'm getting outside help. Should I reach that point a lot sooner than expected and my kids have just reached adulthood when that point is reached, I'm telling them to go on and live their lives. I don't want them to go through the same things I have. I want them to have normal starts to their adult lives.
The first lesson: See an elder law attorney the instant you suspect cognitive impairment. As the spouse, you will see the signs before anyone else. Don’t waste time in denial or disbelief because, as terrible as it sounds, as soon as the cat is out of the bag, charities, PACs and long lost relatives may start popping out of the woodwork.
Second: Find something, a task you can do or a place that allows you to feel peaceful and be alone if only for a few minutes whenever you need it, because you WILL need it.
You can’t make someone else be happy .
My mom was sure that the light shining between the trees outside the window of her care home room were high rises. I would debate this with her ad nauseum. I finally realized that it was easier for her to just agree or not say anything.
Oh the time I wasted on this. Sigh...............
Hubby's daughter who is in her late 40's, is starting to view her Dad and I like we are 100 years old. We are doing fine, hubby works part-time, and I retired from work 3 years ago in my mid-70's. So I am setting boundaries with daughter-in-law. Example, NO we don't need a cleaning service to come in.... the house is fine. Yes, the kitchen/baths need remodeling, everything still works, we don't need anything fancy or complicated.
Daughter-in-law also has this status thing going on. No, your Dad and I do NOT want a new car. Her Dad and I are eccentric and love old stuff, like our two 25+ year old vehicles. NO, forget designer clothes, we are happy as clams in our blue jeans, t-shirts, and flannel over shirts. Hubby and I had 50 years of wearing suits to work, it was time to retire the iron :)
Thank you!!
Sad but true. This was told to me by a wonderful staff member (no longer at the facility) and medical transportation driver. Both made sense, saying if you don't fight, then you're practically forgot about.
I'm sorry you had a lousy experience with the doctor. It's sad some people that go into this field really lack compassion and/or concern for their patients.
I agree cover, about fighting for yourself, I had a doctor at the ER, I call him Hitler. He knowingly hurt me, then made some excuses that he was seeing if there was dirt left. I was young , and really wish I did some complaining about it. Thinking back now I even more realize how wrong this was.
Learn from are mistakes, and from others
Not a caregiver, but lesson learned was not being so considerate to the administration at the facility.
Example, successfully won an appeal regarding discharge, had a chance to do one again (even if the chance to be successful was much less then before), but didn't wanted to not "rock the boat" and cause undue conflict.
I realized too late that was a mistake. When time to file appeal had passed, facility and Social Worker could "relax". They took full advantage of it, with SW not even doing a proper discharge (no meeting with doctor(s), therapists (OT or PT), information on programs, or even arranging a ride or assistance moving my belongings from the facility). They even said had to be out by 4, when others could leave by midnight, all due to them losing the appeal.
Did come back to bite them, since a complaint was filed and found out no discharge information was in my medical records (per state law and even part of their policy). They ended up being fined by the state and promised to make changes. Ironically, facility is doing a do over with the Social Worker department; he is gone along with his assistant, and even the business manager.
Lesson in all this, Fight for yourself and/or have someone fight for you especially being in these facilities no matter how good they may be.
My lesson learned?
Always know that no matter how carefully you try to plan, you can expect the unexpected.