88-year-old mother in ICU and doctors state she will never be able to come off vent full-time. Any thoughts or comments?

Why extend he agony? A person permanently on a respirator is not living. It's a torture.

Even if she was able to come off, would she have an adequate standard of life? Would she get the care that she will need? Are you ready to take on caring for someone who will need a high level of support? Do you know what she wants or does she have medical directives that would give you guidance?

My father was in a similar situation and would have needed intensive treatment for the rest of his life. It would have severely impacted his quality of life and he wouldn't be able to live independently. Thankfully he had medical directives and I knew it wasn't what he wanted. He spent a few days and passed away. I am thankful that he was comfortable in the end.

What you are telling yourself is what you want to happen, to believe, not accepting the reality of the situation.
Me, I would explore every option available to her and plan for her comfort, maybe she will come through this however at her age it will be a real struggle.

A facility is not a terrible option, she will be cared for by a staff who has clinical training, if she recuperates then you can move in another direction.

For some reason people think that there cannot be other options explored if the circumstances change either for the better or worse. Nothing is set in concrete.

My Mom and I are in Canada. She flew from BC to Ontario as I live in The arctic. Regretfully, no travel insurance. Because she is not a resident of Ontario no placement will take her there. DNR in place. No intrusive measures to be taken is any other critical health issues arise. My brother and I have power of attorney. Flying to Ontario to be with mom again shortly. My mother wants to live which is why she keeps fighting. I am realistic. When she tells me she is done, I will respect that. She has days where she is confused and others where she is lucid. Physio working with her. Just focusing on one day at a time.

We hear it all the time here that Mom was independent, keeping her own home up to her ADLs and then she fell and broke a hip, a leg, etc. She hasn't been the same since.

Mom is 88 already suffering from COPD that she needed oxygen for. She had a serious fall not good for an 88 year old. She now has been in a hospital 47days. There is a trama in that alone. Its called hospital delirium. I am not saying to give up and if you mean by strong stubborn, I have seen these type of people bounce back so its possible Mom could recover. But you also need to be realistic. She may not. She has had a shock to her system. Maybe Skilled nursing will help. She will get therapy to help get her strength back. You can try. But there may come a time that you have to let go.

Please do come back and tell us how things work out. We learn from others.

Sometimes strong woman can encounter problems that are temporarily or permanently disabling.

If you’re not comfortable with her medical care team you do owe her and yourself a second opinion. If that opinion backs up her initial assessment by previous doctors, you may have to consider the possibility that you’ll need to come up with an alternate plan that will allow her more freedom in a safer environment.

This is a discussion to have with your Mom and her doctors, and either palliative care consult or hospice consultant. A hard decision in which your Mom (or her advance directive and her former directions to you) need to be the things considered first and foremost. I am so sorry for all you are both enduring.

What does your mom’s advanced care directive/ living will say? What has she said recently about how she wants to live? Better yet, ask her!

I ask because the choice is hers. I suspect she hasn’t been awake and in a sound mind or she would have told the doctors herself. Maybe she has said in her advance care directive but you don’t agree with it?

Is mom still in the hospital?

Have you gotten a second opinion?

What is wrong with sending her to a rehab facility with the vent at night? If she can be weaned off the vent at rehab, she could then return to her former living circumstances, yes?