I have a 92 year old mother with dementia. I too have burnout. I cry all the time and family members (my daughters) are always there with opinions and get angry if I talk too much about what is going on. She was in a nursing home for nine months and they came twice. She is now home with private aids and she is almost out of money and they still do not come to see her. I hope to be able to put her in a nursing home with Medicaid but she gets hysterical when she senses that she will go into one. She is also very abusive verbally and physically but only when I am there and then lies and tells everyone it is me. I always feel I have to defend myself and never sure I am doing the correct thing. I have been told if you cannot handle it, then you should put her in a home. This makes me feel selfish. I am going to be 72 and want a life before I cannot.
Find a therapist. You need help and your need won’t end when your mother passes. She’s consuming you now and if you don’t find a way to deal with your feelings it will consume you after she is gone. Come back and keep talking to us so we can help you. Find a therapist.
I wouldn't discuss it with your mother until it was time for her to go back. Do you even have the authority to put her in the nursing home? Do you have her Power of Attorney (POA)? You could also notify APS (Adult Protective Services) and resign your POA (if you have it) and let them deal with her. My mom lived until I was 67 and it about killed me. I can't imagine being 72 and still dealing with the stress of a demented mother who is assaulting you and then lying about it.
You have every right to your own life and happiness. Don't let caring for your mother take that away from you. {{{Hugs}}}
If you cannot handle it, then you should put her in a home (if you have that authority). Very often even trained professionals cannot handle persons with dementia. That is nothing to be ashamed or defensive about. She is physically abusive to you? Whoa ... that is neither good for her nor for you. That cannot be allowed to continue.