94 year old with dementia still driving. What to do?

My mother also thought she should be allowed to drive after a month in hospital from viral encephalitis and a month of rehab. Her short term memory function is totally affected, as well as her organizational skills and vocabulary recall. We just continued to tell her the drs advised us she should not drive. Reminded her that if she had accident she could be sued and lose all the financial assets daddy left her. She is in assisted living for now and will never drive again so I want my sister who has POA to get rid of the car. Friends have shared many of the same stories of how their parents rationalize the need to keep driving. Do everything in your power to stop them. Contact the drs, dmv, and all family members should know better than to enable them. It can be done compassionately and with little stress. Sometimes cars just give out if you know what I mean. Batteries die, connections somehow are not connecting, or the shop just can’t figure why it won’t stay cranked! Tell them anything but do not let them risk hurting someone else on the road.

While the family is in the process of arranging evaluations, I would prevent him from driving. Whatever it takes so that he doesn't hurt himself,a loved one, an innocent victim. It's a shame that we have laws to take alcohol and drug impaired drivers off the road (not perfect,I realize) but it's so difficult to intervene when an elder is involved.

What about contacting the department of motor vehicles to determine how to initiate a driver's test for an older adult? In my state, when a driver reaches a certain age, they are required to retest for their license.

Whatever it takes, get rid of the car. Period.

The ever popular OMG! SENIORS DRIVING !! thread.

I skimmed through, lots of good advice but some not so good advice on disabling a car.

The car will have to be moved and sold at some point. I don’t advise pulling spark plug and distributor cables. Newer cars don’t have distributors and it’s very easy to get the plug wires mixed up when you try to put them back. Don’t let the air out of the tires either, PIA to get them pumped back up. Removing the battery can be quite a job also. Not necessary.

Easiest way to disable a car:

Find the fuse/relay box under the hood or drivers side under dash. Small black box.

Get the cover off. Usually just snaps off. I need my glasses and a flashlight for this.

You will see different colors of fuses and larger cube like gizmos, these are relays. They just plug in.

Look on the underside of the fuse box lid. There will be an index. Find the one that says STARTER, START SYSTEM, or some such description.

Pull this out. Put it in your pocket or hide in a safe place where grandad won’t find it.

When he tries to start the car it’s dead. No click, no nothing.
you tell him you’ll get it towed. After bedtime, plug in relay, drive car away.

In my dads case I also called the repair shop my dad used and the dealer and clued them in as to what was going on in case dad had the wherewithal to try to get the car fixed or towed.

In NY when it came time for my father to stop driving I ask his Dr. about removing his license. The Dr. refused saying he didn't want to be the bad guy. My father had on more than one occasion gotten the brake and gas mixed up. He also had had several minor fender benders and at one time while I was riding with him almost hit some children to close to the road. He denied ever seeing them. He also would drive on the wrong side of the road and would get confused about the ramps and go the wrong way on the divided highway. I contacted the DMV in Albany and requested a review of my father's driving skills siting these events. They were very nice and sent him a letter saying he needed to come to the DMV on a certain Date and time and take his written and road test. When the day arrived he was a wreck. The tester just got in the car in the driver's seat and ask for my father's license. My father handed him a card that he carried that said "I'm not drunk, I have Parkinson's disease." The man thanked him and requested his drivers license. Once he had the license he wrote down a few things and gave a letter to my father that said if his condition improved that in 6 weeks he could retake his road test and get his license back. My father said until the day he died that he was going to go take that test and get his license back. At least that gave him the hope of being able to get it back. He never tried to drive after that.

Kentucky, does you mom depend on your dad to drive? Is this why she's resistant to him giving up driving? I have 2 elderly aunts in FL who have lived together their whole lives. One had her license, the other one never got hers, but they went everywhere together anyway so it didn't matter. About 6 years ago the non-driver (who has all her mental capacities) was telling me how she had to "help" her sister drive (the sister has dementia) by telling her where and when to turn, warning her when she was drifting out of her lane, telling her when the light was red or green, etc. I just about passed out. I could not convince the "rational" one why they shouldn't be driving because it impacted her just as much. So we immediately discreetly took away the keys (they got "lost"), then removed the car for "repairs". I then reported them anonymously. But while waiting for the DMV to call her in for a test I engaged family, friends and neighbors to take them where ever they needed to go: haircuts, med appts, shopping. I secretly provided the drivers with gc's to restaurants so they would all go out to eat together as well. The aunts really enjoyed the social interaction and basically didn't mourn the loss of driving for long. Now they have an in-home companion from an agency who can drive them anywhere. Problem solved.

What I'm saying is that if you can replace your dad's driving for your mom, this may make solving this problem a little easier if you get one of the enablers appeased. Good luck!

I know in Florida, where my demented mom lived.  Her doctor requested that she take a driving test.  It was a special consultant who took her out on the driving road test (I believe it was a contractor through the DMV.  Her doctor referred her to this contractor/consultant).  She failed and said she had to go to DMV to turn in her driver's license.  Yes, the hard part is taking the car away - realizing they can still drive without a driver's license.  It's too bad the states don't take the extra step of physically taking the car away - the DMV or the consultant/contractor should ask ahead of time who their POA is - so that the state/DMV can work with the POA in removing the vehicle.

You could report him to the DMV or have your doctor do it. Then he will have to take and pass the driving test.

I think everyone understands that getting the drivers license revoked is just the first step.  It's a little hard to take someone's car away from them when the state still recognizes them as a valid driver.  Once revoked, selling the vehicle or dismantling the vehicle is what you have to do to keep the demented person from driving.

Take off the Plates...xx

I’ve read about 30 of the responses and my story is much the same. 91 yo mom with dementia. In Cali all DMV will do is revoke, they can’t keep her from actually getting in the car. Mom passed the written test, the eye test but failed miserably on the driving test. (I refused to take her so sis took). Now mom is appealing the decision. It’s a week away and she’ll probably/hopefully forget the date. I live with her and there is another caregiver so she can’t sneak away. And she can’t get her walker in the car 🙏
Just think how you’ll feel when he hurts/kills himself or someone else. Take the car and they keys away. They will forget about it sooner or later. The rest of your enabling family should be shamed... to put lives in danger.
Good luck

https://www.wikihow.com/Replace-an-Ignition-Switch

if you take away the car, you will take away one of his reasons for living. Clearly driving is very important to him. Im guessing by his age that cars were just invented when he was a kid. Probably his big dream when he was young was owing a big shiny car. And im guessing he's probably a good driver
Surprisingly so for his age.
If he was clear minded enough to reclaim his car he's doing better than most
Don't make any rash decisions. Give it a little time & consideration.
There are always solutions to every struggle.
Your father sounds like quite a character. Enjoy him while he's still here

Do whatever you have to do to either disable the car or take the keys. A dear friend's daughter was in a horrific accident a few years ago. The driver who hit her was an elderly man with dementia, whose kids KNEW he couldn't, and shouldn't drive. He didn't remember much of the accident. My friend's daughter now has permanent brain damage, affecting her memory, her speech and her cognitive ability. She will need specialized treatment and therapy for the rest of her life. She was a year from graduating from college, so she's trying to finish that final year but is only able to take 1-2 classes at a time. Another passenger in the car has permanent neck problems, causing her awful pain. What I'm trying to say is no matter how much the patient protests, you HAVE to take away their ability to drive, because they may not hurt themselves, but any other innocent driver on the road. When they went to reclaim her daughter's car at the junkyard, the other man's son said to her, "Yeah, we knew he was going to hit someone some day. He always goes through that stop sign....." Needless to say they are pursuing legal action.

Even if the person doesn't have a driver's license, it will not stop him from driving. Best to disable the vehicle. Pull out the spark plugs, detach the thingy from the battery, hide the keys. Every time they ask for the key, you will just have to make a show of frantically and thoroughly searching for it. Whatever you do, do not let the insurance expire. That just makes the situation worse, especially if he gets into an accident. If the injured party cannot go after the insurance company, they will go after him or the family...

Have someone disconnect the battery cables

My Mother in Law (MIL) had an accident a couple years ago, but didn't remember it. We discovered it a 4 days later when we came to visit, but didn't see her car. After finding it had not been towed from her apartment complex, we had her call to report it stolen. The officer reminded her that she had been in an accident and it was towed from the accident site, did she remember? Apparently the officer responding to the accident had reported to DMV that she was confused. We later got paperwork for her doctor to fill out and her license was revoked. She still says occasionally that she never should have given up her license and her car, and gets angry about it. But after several accidents, it's a good thing she doesn't drive anymore.

Disable the auto by removing an element.

With the advent of online shopping and work from home opportunities the need to drive becomes less and less.

Talk to your Alzheimer's Association, the Police, and the DMV. They WILL step in and solve the problem for you and just as my Mother-- your Dad will quickly forget he ever drove and become quite dependent on you and others for rides to the doc and all-- might wanna get him in an assisted living as well for his own safety--- also via other folks like Adult Protective Services. Oh--- DMV HAS to take away his driver's license-- their job-- hold their feet to the fire-- call the cops on them--- nothing worse than a lazy administrator. Consult your local Alzheimer's support group and Alzheimer's Association county representatives. (211).

Kentucky, this is a classic 'tough nut', as I'm sure you know. EVERY situation is different, but in this forum, you'll get so many ideas and others' experiences to be able to guide yourselves (or so I hope and pray). I believe my mom (now 90) was 84-85. DMV said they couldn't legally do anything (like a DV victim not being protected until 'something actually happens'). DMV also told me that 'most seniors will self-select at some point to quit driving. Well, that'd be swell IF... on maybe 3 occasions I played 'passenger' solely to monitor her abilities. Honestly, to say it was 'hair raising' is hugely minimizing. It was truly a miracle (or good luck) she didn't sideswipe a car (parked or not), or drift into an oncoming lane for a head-on (mind you, this is PURELY local driving, no freeways!). Sisters weren't 'boots on the ground'--it was just me. SO, one day she took herself to local urgent care for a UTI (literally not 1/2 mi. away). The staff upon checkout asked for her driver's license; they made a copy of it and gave it right back; and because of the legal requirement of a medical provider, they legally filed a report (form) with DMV, who eventually suspended her license (via mail). Mom wanted to 'fight it', but wasn't capable of dealing with the beuerocracy on her own (no computer, inability to navigate to labrynth of red tape). I just kept putting off helping her with that idea (she tried my younger sis, but she did the same thing). Anyway, mom finally ceded the battle. Some folks (including my therapist) were p/o'd and said the Urgent Care 'tricked her' into giving her license to them, questionable legality, so on. Best to you all!

I had to do this with my 85 year old mother..."you" turn them into the DMV; a direct family member. You have to find and fill out the proper paperwork...they cannot do anything until that's done. There is no anonymous reporting so there's that. After I turned her in to the DMV she received a letter to go down and take a routine test and until she did, her driver's license was suspended. I could not live with the fact that she could kill someone's family, innocent kids and teenagers just starting out...it haunted me for a week and I could wait no longer, so I did turn her in.

My family no longer talks to me saying I violated her rights. She was put on hospice 6 months later and had a good death at home. I am an RN IV which I put on the DMV document to testify she was, in fact, a danger on the road. I was also blamed for her death as she wasn't put on hospice until I arrived and I was the one who initiated the hospice referral and took care of all the details for the home death.

I have no family now but I do have peace knowing I took a very dangerous person off the road before they killed innocent people. Driving is a privilege that is earned and maintained through proving you still qualify for that privilege. I am also at peace knowing I gave my mom the proper, respectful death at home that wouldn't have happened had I not been there.

A bit of a back story of how this all came about. I had moved from HI to WA state after determining my mother needed my help. When I arrived at her home I was horrified to find her car had a few large dents. She had an excuse for every dent. When I rode in the car with her driving, she could not stay on the right side of the rode and her judgment for distance was gone...I could not believe we survived the ride.

She lived out in the country in a small town so no one held her accountable. I also discovered she was on multiple meds; adderall, valium, pain meds, ambien & more...her medical Dx was much worse with chronic high blood pressure, pace maker, complete heart block etc...you get the picture and she slipped into long moments with what I will call in layman terms madness. I would find her with random fits of hysteria, she thought everyone was stealing from her and moving the furniture to confuse her, she was hearing and seeing what wasn't there, and yes, she was still driving on public roads with the blessing of the rest of the family...yea.

I do not regret what I did and it got real nasty. I tortured myself with am I doing the right thing, am I wrong: then visions of mangled dead people would enter my mind with my mother standing over them and I would cry...if it had not been a direct family member, I would have never hesitated. I tried to incorporate the help of her doc because I knew he had to know and he brushed me off. I then told the doc I was doing a medication review on her med profile that he was prescribing my mother. He suddenly moved if you can believe that...he actually closed down his practice and disappeared. Take care of your loved ones people.

Don't be afraid to do the right thing...

Time for an intervention with the local sheriff's department. Talk to them first and have them "help" the whole family to understand that it is "illegal" for dad to drive anymore. Then, get that vehicle sold so it isn't a temptation.

Some women are very timid when it comes to taking over when their spouse is no longer competent to perform life skills. I agree with 2 other posts: Take the keys, Hide the car and sell it. No doubt he is confused at his age and will not remember what actually happened. Please SAVE him from killing himself or others!

This is funny as just the other day as I was driving to the grocery, and elderly man was driving on the wrong side of the road, just tootling along. It was quite a site to see as this was one dangerous and busy intersection. Everybody and I mean everybody literally stopped where they were and let him pass. Never in all my years of driving have I seen something like this. I hope and pray he got home safely.
I do understand why we see things like this though and it truly saddens me to see seniors without any family or help. If they need groceries or medicine they have do what they have to do, laws or not will not stop a determined senior.
We as a community really need to take the time to see that our elderly neighbors and family are taken care of, the way it used to be.
I was lucky with my Mom, she handed over the keys willingly, knowing she had a full time chauffeur (me) on call. Yet, to be sure we did buy the car from her, so it was not available in case she decided to go for a spin.

I took my dad to the DMV about a year after I brought him to FL to live with me. He had a broken hip and was through with rehab. Left his car in AL as he had been screwed over on his last trade in and was hitting things. At the FL DMV I told them he needed a state ID only. They smiled and said ok. He was in a wheelchair, so nobody asked any questions. He tells me continuously he is going to go get another car or the Navy is bringing him one. It’s so sad, but there is no way he can drive anymore. We just have to be determined

I don’t even see how this is debatable. He has been enabled. He took advantage of that enabling and drove. I pray to God he never kills anyone. The only answer is to remove the car. If there is no car around, then there is nothing to drive. Just sell the car if no one has figured out how to remove the car successfully. Why keep a car that shouldn’t be driven?

Have someone disconnect the distributor cap and the car won't start but it wouldn't hurt the car and then hope he doesn't remember the mechanics name. If you know the mechanics name contact him about your father's mental impairment and have him work with you so he doesn't fix it. Hopefully he won't use someone else to fix it. Or you can have the outside locks changed and don't give him a key also. When having rekeyed done also have the oil changed and if he questions you tell him you were taking it in to get a oil change, which you did and you have a receipt to prove it. Usually his primary doctor has a responsibly to notify the DMV to take away his driver's licence and his car insurance will be discontinued as well. Have the doctor note to DMV mentioned is is mentally impaired and not capable of driving. If you take away his car he may go to the dealershop to purchase another car, than the dealership will have some legal obligation not to sell him a car, first he has no license that is required on a purchase contact and he can not be hand responsible for the the purchase contract due he not mentally sound to sign any contact. You may want to find a cheap outside service for seniors on a fixed income to use to go to places and make arrangement with them to contact a son or daughter when he uses them so you have the needed payment for coming and going AND also know where he is so no senior missing alects aren't activated when he goes missing. To bad he isnt in a facility the has memory care - generally they are a locked facility that their residents are monitored all the time. When their a spouse involve it just things that must harder because your battlingvtwo people instead of one. You need to be firm to keep the from being hurt or sued for hurting others and loss everything they work hard for all there lifes. Good luck.

I have been there but 94 years old with dementia, can't fix a sandwich or make phone calls even when numbers can be programmed... but he can manage to track down his car after it was confiscated. It's not fun to take the keys away and it's not easy to take the vehicle away. Nothing is fun about Dementia or getting too old to drive but the combination is lethal. If he kills someone with driving at his age and in his condition he will lose everything he and your mother have left. I suspect your mother does not want to give up her independence of him not being able to drive anymore and the rest of your family and to some extent you are just doing what is easiest.... nothing. I know it seems harsh and may be a little inconvenient for the rest of you but it needs to be done. Try harder!