Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You say she is usually miserable. That leaves an opening. You didn’t say always miserable. What are the circumstances where she’s not miserable? Was it a different time of the day when you visited or called? Was the weather better, were you wearing a smile, brought her a rose or told her a funny story? Maybe you didn’t fuss that day or bring up a sore subject? Sometimes one day is better than another. Does someone always worry when you are out of sorts? ‘Make for yourself a check list before a call or visit. Don’t arrive with a to do list on parade. (thats what I regret}. Ask after her health and those she communicates with that you don’t. Pay her a compliment. Tell her a joke. If that doesn’t work, ask for a smile. That’s one of my favorite memories of my mom near the end the sweet smile given upon request. Hard to do on a regular phone call. Maybe a FaceTime? Seek her advice. How did you keep your crust from becoming soggy when you made your cobbler? DH is becoming forgetful. How did you handle that with dad? Make sure she feels better after your visit than before. Sometimes she might need a minute to unload all the ‘stuff’ before she can enjoy herself. Allow her that. You have agingcare for that. She probably doesn’t have that type release. All there is in this life reduces to love or fear. Give her a little love. That will help you both.
My 90 yo mom is the same. She's never been a particularly 'happy' person, but aging is hard, as I am coming to see myself.
Depressed, severely, for most of my life, she proudly never 'needed' antidepressants. Well, 5/6 of her kids did, that's a bit telling. At 90, she told me the other day she is totally content to live out her life in within her '4 walls'--which is her small apartment in YB's house. Basically told me to quit trying to clean for her, her house didn't get dirty (!) and she didn't want ANYONE touching her things.
I can respect that, and do. No more trying to 'better' her life. She'll probably live 10 more years, She's already outlived one of her children, I wouldn't be surprised if she outlives more of us.
Really, there is nothing I can do, and nothing I plan to do for her.
Nothing has helped my almost 94 y/o mother's chronic misery for her entire life. Nothing. She likes being miserable, I'm convinced of it, so she creates drama to have something to BE miserable about. If it doesn't exist, she will create it herself. Furthermore, she doesn't want 'solutions' to her invented crises, so all the hoops I've jumped through for decades have been for naught.
So, without something more than a 'header' with no details whatsoever, nobody can really assess your situation and give you helpful advice. You may want to expand on your question.
Has she been evaluated by her doctor for the depression and given meds to help? My dad was gently helped by his doctor with this, and a small dose of Zoloft was a help to him. You may also have to accept that “happy” is over for your mother. At her age, she’s experienced a lot of loss, of her family, peers, friends, her abilities, all that makes it very understandable to feel down. Acknowledge it with her, and then try to not endlessly loop back to it. Encourage positive conversation and topics
You know what they say about old age? That it isn't for Sissies? Very seriously it is very difficult. At 96 even the minimal body changes are causing problem with so many systems, and what honestly is chronic pain. You don't say what exactly the problem is, so I am going to ask you to ASK YOUR MOM what is happening, and what is the worst problem for her right now. Then do come back and tell US, and we can all troubleshoot together. I will ask you the one objective question I can think of. Was your Mom a whole lot different in the past, a happy, satisfied, life-affirming woman? And when would you say the change, if change there is, occurred?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
‘Make for yourself a check list before a call or visit. Don’t arrive with a to do list on parade. (thats what I regret}. Ask after her health and those she communicates with that you don’t. Pay her a compliment. Tell her a joke. If that doesn’t work, ask for a smile. That’s one of my favorite memories of my mom near the end the sweet smile given upon request. Hard to do on a regular phone call. Maybe a FaceTime? Seek her advice. How did you keep your crust from becoming soggy when you made your cobbler? DH is becoming forgetful. How did you handle that with dad? Make sure she feels better after your visit than before. Sometimes she might need a minute to unload all the ‘stuff’ before she can enjoy herself. Allow her that. You have agingcare for that. She probably doesn’t have that type release. All there is in this life reduces to love or fear. Give her a little love. That will help you both.
Depressed, severely, for most of my life, she proudly never 'needed' antidepressants. Well, 5/6 of her kids did, that's a bit telling. At 90, she told me the other day she is totally content to live out her life in within her '4 walls'--which is her small apartment in YB's house. Basically told me to quit trying to clean for her, her house didn't get dirty (!) and she didn't want ANYONE touching her things.
I can respect that, and do. No more trying to 'better' her life. She'll probably live 10 more years, She's already outlived one of her children, I wouldn't be surprised if she outlives more of us.
Really, there is nothing I can do, and nothing I plan to do for her.
So, without something more than a 'header' with no details whatsoever, nobody can really assess your situation and give you helpful advice. You may want to expand on your question.
Then do come back and tell US, and we can all troubleshoot together.
I will ask you the one objective question I can think of. Was your Mom a whole lot different in the past, a happy, satisfied, life-affirming woman? And when would you say the change, if change there is, occurred?